I don’t want the pain, the fear, it hurts so much, I can’t breathe without you here. The oxygen is gone and my heart is shriveled up from lack of love. I tried to love but I can’t without hurting them, I can’t be intimate, I’m introverted, isolated, what I have is referred to as ‘hedgehog’s dilemma'. It’s called this because it refers to the animal's inability to cuddle for warmth because of its sharp spines, and is a metaphor for the difficulty of human intimacy. It suggests that even those with good intentions can’t be intimate without harming each other, and is used to explain introversion and isolation. I’ll never be able to give or receive love without them getting hurt. I carve love so badly, the one thing I truly want, truly need to survive, I’m not able to have. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t someone love me? Why can’t I have what I need? I won’t survive much longer. I’ll be haled up in my room, not eat a thing and no one will care because I’ve already hurt them all to the point where I could be gone for years and no one would even notice. I’m so sorry for hurting you…

-Dearest regards,
Rosalina Killingsworth