"Ken?" Shuu asked slowly, trying to understand what she was telling him. "Who was he?" he asked gently.
Ken shocked her head. "He was the brother of a girl I worked with...I quit after that. But at the time...I just...I was in so much pain, and he had gone through that sort of thing, and he asked if I wanted to talk and I said yes but he didn't really want to talk..." She trailed off. "I guess I just thought, Why not? He'd lost both of his parents so he'd understood how I felt, and that was all I had really wanted." She sighed, looking down and lacing her fingers together. "His name was Ayato Kirishima."
Shuu frowned. He didn't want to say anything to Ken, but the name sounded familiar. Maybe he goes to my school?
"He made me angry. At the world, for ripping us off. Maybe that's why I did it," she said, her voice softer yet as she traced the grass with the toe of her shoe. "To screw the world."
"But it wasn't what you thought it would be," Shuu guessed, and she looked up, partially in surprise, partially in defeat.
"I don't know what I thought it would be, but you're right, it wasn't it. I wasn't appeased or satisfied. The world didn't care what I did, it kept on spinning on it's unfair axis. I'm just collateral damage. So is Ayato. So are you."
"What about your friend?" Shuu asked. "Hide?"
Ken's frown morphed into a small smile as she looked back down, like she was afraid the world would grow eyes and see her moment of happiness. "He's a good guy. Like you. He doesn't want that sort of thing from me."
Shuu hesitated, because he wanted to be honest but he didn't want her to hate him. Maybe I do want something like that? But he kept his mouth shut. It could wait until later, some other better time that he hoped would eventually come.
"I just got lucky," she went on. "And you want to know something horrible? Sometimes, I think that's why my mom died. So it'll balance out, you know?"
Shuu swallowed. So what do you balance out, Ken? Since you came into my life, someone else has to get out... Could Shuu trade someone he loved for Ken? Would he, if given the choice?
Ken was quiet for a long minute. "Well, now you know all about my pathetic self." She laughed unevenly. "Not even Hide knows why I can't be around guys. I never told him. I just didn't want to see that look of disappointment on his face." Ken sighed. "Because he's all I have."
Shuu struggled to find something to say. "You have me."
Ken gave him a sad smile. "But I know what you were thinking. If I come along, someone else has to leave, right? Because that's how it works? And why would you trade someone for me?"
"I'd trade every person at my school for you," Shuu said, but his intentions fell short.
"You don't get to pick who," she said quietly. Then she paused. "All right, I told you my story. Now tell me yours. What's got Shuu Tsukiyama so messed up that he throws parties just so he can waste his time talking to me?"
Shuu looked down. "Well..."