In choir, we just had a concert. Because of this, we did not have anything to work on during class. My teacher decided it was a good chance to get to know each other more.

So what we did was we sat in a circle and we went around listing one thing we love and one thing we fear.

Most people in my class just listed silly things, but I took this very seriously.

I talked about my love for George Harrison and how important he is to me and has been for my whole life. Very briefly though, I didn't want people to think I was trying to be better than them by having a serious topic. (Is that silly? I'm not sure anymore.) I just want to express how I feel everyday.

Honestly not very many people were listening, but I knew some people were and that's what was important.

After this experience, I realized that I really don't have friends to talk about the things I like... and it's actually pretty sad. These things would include music, fashion, views on life, etc. These things aren't really things that modern teenagers would like, which makes it the hardest thing for me.

But I know I try to force the subjects a lot, but I usually get shut down.

I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm the victim, but rather I'm just explaining why I do the things I do.

Something important to note is my school is very materialistic, based on the way most of the kids were raised that go there. Also, drugs are a big problem there.

I honestly feel very out of place there.

To give you an idea this is how the girls dress:

(Actually what would be more accurate is a t shirt of a band they don't even listen to or the stupid alien one)

And this is how I (at least I try/want to) dress:

I love 1950's teddy boys and girls! The original rebels. Also the generic England school boy/girl outfit is adorable! (Like John is presenting here: Collared shirt and tie peaking out of a sweater vest and usually a jacket with a big collar in the winter.[and probably a guitar capable of ringing out a Little Richard tune!])

Here is John a lot later showing off my interest in the 60s fashion. This is mid-60s. Some may say tacky, but I say fashion! (I have to say, looking very bad*ss here, Johnny!)

Taking a turn back to the 40s, women's fashion was very classy and beautiful! I absolutely adore the red lip and always will.

This is probably the most accurate in terms of what I actually wear. I cannot do skinny jeans! Therefore, wide legs are great for me!

I have a beautiful shirt like this, but not as flowy. It gives me a carefree feeling of the late 60s, I love it!

This pattern is very late 60s which I would say was impacted but George Harrison's initial interest in Eastern culture and music (a reason I love him!), soon influencing more music and then fashion.

Not only do I not get to share my interests with others very often, I also am alone at school most of the time besides lunch (in which I am not alone, yet I still feel left out sometimes).

It's gotten pretty bad recently, that I sing to myself most of the day when there's free time in class and I'm alone. I try to engage myself in conversations, but I get anxious and feel left out.

I only have a few friends (like maybe 3, but really 1) that when I'm with them, I don't feel left out, but it really sucks because I don't have many classes with them.

I've also noticed that once I get home from school, everything that normal people would accomplish at school socially, all kind of flows out. What I mean by this is I get on the piano/guitar/bass/drums/ukulele and spend a very long time playing/writing songs (mostly about my problems 🙄) or I spend a lot of time watching YouTube videos or reading articles on fashion or whatever because I didn't have the chance to express this at school.

Honestly, the fact that I'm pretty lonely is kinda doing some things on my mental health. Me moping about it and feeling bad for myself is kinda getting in the way of school or things I want to do. Luckily, it is not getting in the way of family because they're really the only people that I can do all of this, which is kind of weird because most teenagers don't share much with their parents...

Well, I'm going to stop there. Here's some song lyrics that really describe my feelings recently.

Help!

Help
I need somebody
Help
Not just anybody
Help
You know, I need someone
Help

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now those days are gone, I'm not so self-assured...

I Need You

You don't realize how much I need you
Love you all the time and never leave you
Please come on back to me
I'm lonely as can be
I need you

Yesterday

Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly
I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday
Love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Yesterday hits the closest to home.

(I unintentionally picked all of these songs from the same album, one being a Lennon song, the next being a Harrison, and the last one being a McCartney)