[TRIGGER WARNING: Talks about dysphoria.]

[I'm basing Nicos dysphoria off of my own so my explanation might be really weird. The song above is more understandable so I recommend listening to it if you don't get triggered by dysphoria.]

Nico's POV

I looked in the mirror. 'Here I am again,' I thought, '11:45 pm, starring at the mirror for no apparent reason.' Of course there was a reason, I just didn't know what it was. I didn't understand it, and I was too scared to try and figure it out.

It was a camp fire night but I didn't go. I didn't want anyone to see me. For some reason I hated the way people saw me. I didn't like it when Percy  called me his little brother, not just because he was a complete idiot, but because there was something about the word brother... I hated it. The most frustrating part was that I didn't know why.

And, before you ask, I didn't feel like I liked 'sister' any better. I wasn't trans. I'd met trans people before and I didn't feel like they felt. I didn't want to be a girl, I just... Wouldn't mind sometimes wearing stereotypical female clothes?

Looking at the mirror felt odd. I didn't want to change anything about my body but I wished my body wouldn't be thought of as a boys body. I wished, when strangers saw me, they wouldn't think "there's a boy," but instead think "there's a person."

It was weird. I didn't understand any of this. the thoughts I had, the feelings I had, slowly tore me down, piece by piece.  I felt like I wasn't normal. I felt like I could never be normal. Looking at my reflection I couldn't help but listen to the voice telling me "you're always going to be different. No one will look at you the way you want them to look at you." Those words kept repeating in my head.

No one will look at you the way you want them to look at you.

It's crazy how words you don't understand can hit you so hard. The words that my mind came up with stuck to me, pulling me down like it was an anchor. I looked away from my reflection, walked over to my bed, and sat down, wiping away a few tears. Just then the door to my cabin opened. "Nico?" It was Will.

"Yeah?" I wished I hadn't said anything. My voice was scratchy witch made it sound deeper then usual. Why did my voice have to sound so deep?

"You weren't to dinner or camp fire," Will said, "is everything okay?"

I wanted to say that everything was fine, but nothing was fine. I didn't want anyone to see me, I felt uncomfortable in my body because of other people, and I felt alone with all this. I knew if I tried to speak I would just start crying again so I stayed silent.

Will came and sat by me. "Nico?" He said, "What's wrong? You can tell me. I'm here to listen."

"B-But  this is different, and... W-Weird... And I d-don't... Understand..." I felt tears stream down my face.

Will cupped my face in his hands, "It's okay, I'm here for you. I'll always be right here." He pulled me into a warm embrace and kissed the top of my head. He continued to hold me like that. My breaths became more steady and my sobs died down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Will asked. I thought for a moment, "... Not right now." Will kissed my head again, "Alright, Love. I'm here if ever you need to." I leaned more on him and he started gently singing.

"You are my sunshine.
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When sky's are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away."

My eyelids felt heavy. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Word count: 643

I stayed up till early in the morning working on this. I'm dying. Help. We're running out of coffee.

-Harvest Rose