Luckily for Victor, the awkward silence didn't last long. A knock on the door interrupted it a minute later. He tried his best to compose himself while I got up to answer it.

Philip pushed the cart through the entrance before stopping and turning towards me. "Anywhere in particular you'd like this, Ms. Walton?"

I glanced over at Victor. He was still turned away from us, pretending to look at something on the nightstand. I couldn't help smiling as I saw him.

"No, here is fine, Philip," I answered, turning back towards him. "I'll move it myself if needed."

He nodded and glanced towards Victor himself. "Will you need anything else from me tonight, Mr. Weston?"

"Go home, Philip!" Victor snapped.

It was a good thing he was still refusing to look at us or he would have seen me glaring at him. I didn't really mind too much when Victor got snappy with me, but there was no reason for him to act that way towards Philip.

I turned to Philip to apologize, but he immediately held up his hand to stop me. Instead, he gave me a warm, tired smile. It was as if he was saying "thank you for the concern, but it's really not necessary." It was the look of a man who was so used to things like this by now that they didn't even phase him anymore.

I could relate.

He gave me another small nod before turning and leaving the room. As he closed the door, I turned to look at Victor. Used to it or not, I still didn't approve of Victor treating him that way. But again, before I could say anything Victor held up his hand to stop me.

"I know, I know. You don't have to say it," he sighed. "I'm working on it, okay?"

I crossed my arms as I looked at him. As much as I wanted to scold him, it didn't really seem like there was any point. As surly as his tone was, he'd already admitted himself that he was in the wrong. And that in itself was already quite a feat for Victor.

I sighed and dropped my arms to my side. I walked over to the food cart and leaned against it.

"Where do you want to eat?"

He glanced up, I guess a bit surprised that I hadn't chastised him. "Oh, uh, I guess the fireplace."

I nodded without a word and pushed the cart between the armchairs. I was about to sit down, but the dark, cavernous shadow of the fireplace seemed to call out to me. I walked over and knelt down next to it.

"Should I get the fire started? It'll be dark soon."

He didn't respond. I couldn't tell if he was ignoring me or just didn't hear me. Either way, it was getting dark and it would be better to have a fire.

I went to work piling logs inside of the fireplace. As I did, I noticed the log pile getting a little low. Tomorrow was cleaning day though, I was pretty sure the cleaners took care of that anyway. After all, I'd certainly never had to replace them.

I mulled over this as I tried to get the embers burning. Luckily, it didn't take me too long anymore. I'd started this fire so many time by now, I could do it in my sleep.

I sighed contently, holding my hands out towards the flames. Yes, we definitely needed a fire. It would only get colder as the sun continued to set and today wasn't exactly a warm day either. I wondered if we'd need any extra blankets tonight.

I stood up and turned towards Victor. He was already sitting in his chair by the fire.

"It's pretty cold tonight. Do you want me to grab us an extra blanket later? Or should I just tell the cleaners to start using thicker ones when making the bed?" I asked. "They should be here tomorrow."

He just stared at me. It was obvious he wasn't lost in thought though. The way he looked at me, it was obvious he was very much listening to what I'd just said. So what was his deal? Was he ignoring me? If so, why? It's not like we were actually arguing or anything.

I waited a few more seconds before deciding to ask him again. "Umm, Victor? Tonight, do you want me to-"

"I heard you the first time," he grumbled out.

"Oh, then, umm-"

"You're really not going to say anything?"

"Huh?"

He huffed and crossed his arms. He turned his gaze to the floor. His face twisted into its familiar scowl.

"About me. About what happened earlier," he explained. "You're really not going to say anything to me about the way I acted?"

"Well... I wasn't really planning to, no."

"Well, why not?" He snapped. "I mean, I deserve it, don't I? Are you really just going to let me get away with something like that without a word?"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I-I don't get it. Do you want me to yell at you? Is that what you're fishing for here? Because I'm really confused about what the hell is going on right now."

"I want you to hold me accountable. Like you always do. I know I was the one who was big on that whole 'I hate us always fighting' thing, but come on. You're really just going to let me act like that without saying anything? I mean... am I really that hopeless?"

I was surprised by the sudden change in his tone. The sulky scowl he'd been wearing up until a second ago suddenly changed to a look of complete misery. His head dipped lower and his shoulders began to slump. His crossed arms slipped from his sides and fell into his lap. His entire body looked defeated.

"Victor?"

"Am I really that hopeless?" He repeated. His voice was weak as he spoke. "Have I finally reached the point where you don't even think I'm worth the effort anymore?

I mean... I can't really blame you. There I was just a second ago saying I was going to try to better myself, and what's the first thing I do? The same old, same old.

Moody, short-tempered, sulky. Same old Victor, right?" He scoffed and shook his head. "Who the hell am I kidding? I'd give up on me too..."

Again, I could see those demons of self-doubt hovering around him. I walked over and stood next to him. He stared at the floor, refusing to look up at me. I gave a half-smile as I reached out and shoved his head playfully.

"I haven't given up on anyone, you drama queen."

He looked up at me with a face of absolute bewilderment. Whether it was from the way I shoved him or the teasing insult, I couldn't be sure. Maybe both. But one thing was for sure, whatever it was immediately pulled him out of the self-pitying mood he'd been in a second ago. Which was a start.

I smiled at him and plopped myself down in my own chair. "Come on, didn't we just have this conversation? I told you, I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. Trust me, that hasn't changed in the past five minutes or so.

As for why I didn't chew you out like I normally do, it's because I didn't want to."

"You didn't?"

"Alright, I did," I admitted, "but I'm trying not to do that anymore. Not without a good reason anyway.

It's not just you who gets sick of fighting all the time, you know. I hate it too. So, I want to get better at trying to understand your feelings. I'm trying to focus more on why you're doing something now instead of the fact that you're actually doing it.

With Philip, I could tell you were doing it because you were embarrassed. That still doesn't make it right, of course, and I was going to say something to you, but you beat me to it. You already called yourself out on it and admitted that you were in the wrong. Why would I yell at you for something you were already repenting for?"

He cracked a small smile at this."Repenting?"

I chuckled. "Well, 'regret' doesn't necessarily mean you're trying to fix things, right? And you said yourself, you're working on it."

His eyes drifted to the floor again. He nodded solemnly.

"I am... I just... wish it wasn't so hard to do."

"Change doesn't happen overnight," I explained. "Especially when you've been doing things a certain way for such a long time. And, for the longest time, acting that way was normal for you. With Thomas, with Philip, with everyone.

Changing yourself is hard, no matter what you're trying to do. But trying to change the only way you've ever known how to live? It's nearly impossible.

So, don't be so hard on yourself if it doesn't happen overnight. Just keep doing what you're doing. Try your best not to fall into old patterns, call yourself out on it when you do, and do your best to make sure it doesn't happen again. You'll get there eventually."

Again, the subtle smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "You sound like you know what you're talking about."

It was a simple statement, probably meant more as a joke than anything else, but that still didn't stop the inevitable sting I felt when he said it. I hated the fact that, after all this time, I could still feel this way over something so minor. Would the day ever come when I could just revisit my past without my body trying to shut down immediately in response?

I sighed and turned towards the fireplace.

"Probably because I do," I muttered quietly.

He was silent for a minute after that. I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel something in the atmosphere shift. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Oh, right. You probably do know what you're talking about. You ran away from home, right?"

I gave a dry laugh. "Well, I was already an adult so you can't really say I was a 'runaway.' Besides, it was more my dad giving me an ultimatum than anything. I just decided not to stay."

"I guess, but still, that couldn't have been easy for you," he murmured. "Suddenly being out on your own like that. No job, no family, no support system of any kind. Hell, Tommy and me had our differences, but even I knew I could turn to him in a second if I really needed to."

"It wasn't easy, but I made it work." I let out a deep sigh. "Well, kind of, anyway.

I couch-hopped with the few friends I did have for a while. Took out some loans to put myself through school. Got a degree, not that I ever really got the chance to use it.

From there it was jumping from dead-end job to dead-end job and living paycheck-to-paycheck. Always stressed, always overworked, always worried about money. There were weeks when I ate nothing but instant noodles just because I didn't have enough money to pay for bills and food. Hell, I refused to take hot showers for a while just to try to save a little extra every month. It was a really shitty life, but... at least it was mine."

"Fuck..."

He muttered this under his breath more than anything. I wasn't even sure if he'd intended for me to hear it. But I did, and as silly as it was, hearing that simple, concise response managed to bring a smile to my face.

"How did you live like that?" He asked in disbelief. "I cringe at the thought of just having to cook for myself."

I shrugged. "Because I didn't have a choice. It was either do that or die, and I certainly wasn't going to die. It'd practically be like admitting my father was right."

"That's your problem with dying?!"

I burst into laughter at this. He just sighed and shook his head. Still, despite the exhausted expression on his face, he smiled as he looked at me.

"You know, you really make me hate myself sometimes."

"Huh? Why?"

"Oh, you have this nasty habit of putting things into perspective for me," he teased. "Here I am, happily whining about my rich-boy insecurities, and then you come along with your stories of near-starvation and crippling poverty!

Now, how am I supposed to top that exactly?"

"I mean, you were orphaned as a child and developed a serious mental disorder as a result, if that helps at all."

He snickered. "I guess we can call it a draw on the tragic back-stories then."

"Oh, good. I always wanted a boyfriend who was as emotionally damaged as I was."

"Then I'm your guy." He paused a second. "Well, your guys, anyway."

Honestly, I think that comment alone shocked me more than anything else he'd said tonight. Not because he'd said it, but because of how he said it.

Usually whenever Victor mentioned the others, there was a hint of sadness or scorn in his voice as he did so. But this time? Nothing. In fact, he actually looked happy as he said it. Like he really was just making a joke.

The way he smiled, I wasn't even sure if he'd noticed himself. But I sure did. And just knowing that he could finally do that, that he could finally speak about the others casually, even as a joke, filled me with more joy than I knew how to express.

But, as always, with Victor, there wasn't a need to express anything. Without a word, he nodded for me to come over and patted his lap. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

"It's fine, right? I've got pants on, you're wearing underwear... I think."

I rolled my eyes. "I am."

"Damn. Well, come sit with me anyway."

I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped my lips. Casual innuendo and stupid, dirty jokes. Same-old Victor alright. Luckily, this was the part of him I never wanted to change.

I stood up and walked over, settling myself comfortably in his lap. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me close. He reached up playfully and pinched my cheek.

"There. Isn't that more comfortable."

"Ugh." I grimaced and nudged his hand away from my face. "Yes, but please don't touch me like that. It feels weird when you do it."

He frowned a bit. "Based on your tone, I'm guessing one of the others does it?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Which one?"

I sighed. "Didn't you just get in a good mood again?"

He waved me off. "I won't get in a bad one. I swear. There's something I want to try actually. So, honestly, which one of them is it?"

I lowered my eyes to the floor. Sure, he said that, but I knew how Victor could get. I really didn't want to have an argument with him today, and I didn't want him spiralling into another fit of self-loathing either. I wasn't sure what to do.

"It's Jack, isn't it?" He smiled at the obvious shock on my face. "Called it, right? Wasn't hard to guess. He's the only one you really get nervous telling me about."

I bit my lip. "Look, it's not-"

"Ah, shut it," he said, nudging me playfully. "I already said I wouldn't get upset about it. At least try to have a little faith in me. I'm not a drama queen all the time, am I?"

I couldn't help smiling at his reference to my little joke earlier. He returned my smile, squeezing me gently.

"I'm fine," he promised. "Really. I just wanted to know. That's all. Well... that and one other thing."

There it was. The lead-up that always put my nerves on edge.

"What other thing, exactly?"

"Calm down, it's nothing bad. I just wanted to know if there's anything he's ever tried that made you feel 'weird.' You know, like what I just did."

"Anything he's done that made me feel weird?"

I repeated it more to jog my memory than anything else. I racked my brain, seeing if I had any long-forgotten awkward moments with Jack hidden away somewhere. I mean, I knew for a fact that I did, I just wasn't sure if any of them fit the question that Victor was asking right now.

Something Jack did that made me feel weird. A small interaction that somehow made me uncomfortable. Something like Victor had just done. A gesture or suggestion of some kind.

"Really?" Victor asked, mildly annoyed. "There's nothing he's ever done to make you feel that way?"

"No, it's not that," I reassured him. "I'm sure there is. I'm just trying to remember what. It's not like they're these big, relationship-defining moments, you know. Hell, if it weren't for this conversation, I probably would've forgotten the cheek thing by tomorrow."

He rolled his eyes. "So, have you thought of anything?"

"Umm," I tried scrolling through my brain again. "Well, there is one thing I can think of, but I didn't really find it 'weird' per se. I just thought the idea sounded corny."

"I can work with that. What have you got?"

I snickered a bit recalling it. "He suggested we try feeding each other to try to be 'romantic.' Again it didn't necessarily make me uncomfortable, but the idea of doing it definitely didn't make me feel comfortable either."

"God, that does sound corny," he muttered, shaking his head. He paused for a second after that. "Well... I guess there's no getting past it if that's really the best you can think of. Let's give it a whirl."

"Huh?"

"Feed me something."

I was too stunned to speak. This was a joke, right? He was just doing this to tease me, right?

However, the dead-serious look on his face at that moment told me that he wasn't.

So, what the hell? What was he thinking? Didn't I just tell him that I thought doing something like that sounded corny? Hell, didn't he just agree himself that the idea of it sounded corny? What had changed in the past ten seconds?

"Umm... Sorry. What?"

He gave a frustrated sigh and looked away from me. "Which part was too complicated for you, exactly? The 'feed,' the 'me,' or the 'something?' Because I really can't think of an easier way to explain it to you."

Again, he caught his bad behavior before I even had the chance to react. He sighed again and buried his face in his hands. He ran them through his hair, leaning his head back against the chair as he did so.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," he grumbled. "You have every right to be confused. I said one thing then asked you to do the complete opposite, basically. Of course, it's confusing."

"Well, umm... yeah. A little."

"I know. It's just... I want us to have something that only we do together. Something small that would make you feel weird if he ever tried it. Right now, all I have with you is drinking and sex, and I know for a fact that you do both of those with him."

I frowned. "I know I probably sound like a broken record here, but didn't we just have a conversation not too long ago about you having 'a thing' to set you apart from the others."

"I know, but this is different," he explained. "It's not about me having something specific that sets me apart. I want us to have something special that only we do together. Something that defines our relationship. You know? Something you'd only ever feel comfortable doing with me. I mean, is that really too much to ask for?"

It wasn't. And I knew exactly what he meant by it. Having something special that made our relationship our relationship.

I mean, how could I really chastise him for wanting that? Hell, this wasn't even something unique to our situation this time. Plenty of couples had that. Could I honestly say he deserved less than what an average relationship would even have?

Of course not. However, there was one big difference between what all those relationships had and what he wanted to do.

"Victor, I understand what you're saying with all this. I really do," I reassured him. "But... this isn't the kind of thing you can force into a relationship. It has to happen naturally.

It's something that can only come from the people who are in that relationship. That's what makes it unique and special. It doesn't mean anything if you just try to force some random trope in there."

"I know that," he muttered, " but..."

"However," I continued, "if that's your big worry, then don't bother. We already have a thing like that anyway."

He perked up a little at this. "We do? What?"

"Sarcasm."

He scoffed and rolled his eyes. I nudged him gently.

"Hey, I know it doesn't seem like it, but I'm serious.

Victor, do you honestly think that I could act like this with anyone besides you? This kind of snarky, teasing, sarcastic banter that we have is something I could only ever do with you. Sure, I use sarcasm with the others, but I can promise you, it's never like this.

You really think Arthur would ever make a joke about me missing my panties? That I could ever casually tell Jack to go fuck himself? No way in hell.

Look, I'm sure this probably isn't what you had in mind when you said you wanted us to have 'a thing,' but Victor, this is it. This is us. This is something between us that only exists in our relationship. I couldn't even imagine doing it with someone else. And, sure, maybe that's not the most 'romantic' thing we could share in a relationship, but... it's real, and it's ours. Only ours."

His face seemed to soften as I finished this little speech. He still stayed silent, but now it seemed less like he was brooding and more like he was trying to absob everything that I'd said.

After a minute, his hand moved to cover my own. He squeezed it gently before looking up and giving me a playful smile.

"So... if he ever asked to use your thighs like a pair of earmuffs...?"

"I'd probably assume it was just you pretending to be him again," I laughed.

He rolled his eyes. "And if it wasn't?"

"Well, I certainly wouldn't object, but..."

"You'd be kind of weirded out that he'd say that to you?"

"Absolutely."

A smile spread across his face in an instant. I was almost surprised. Did having something that small really mean so much to him?

I didn't have much time to question it. The roar of my stomach interrupted my thoughts before I had the chance. He snickered a little at the sound.

"Okay, screw feeding each other, but we should definitely eat something," he suggested. "I'm getting kind of hungry myself."

I smiled and nodded to him before reaching over and grabbing some food from the cart.

Eating proved to be a little more difficult than normal for me. Then again, it probably would have been a lot easier if I was sitting in my own chair.

But, of course, Victor would hear nothing about it. He kept one arm firmly around my waist the entire time. As if I might bolt the second he let go. Although, considering how much I was struggling to work around him right now, he might not be wrong about that. Still, I somehow managed to get enough food in my stomach to silence it.

It felt like an eternity before Victor finally loosened his arm enough for me to wiggle free. As I stood up, I suddenly became aware of how stiff my legs had gotten from sitting down for that long. I let out a small groan as I stretched them out.

I tried twisting from side to side to loosen my back as well. As I did, my eyes landed on the bed. Oh right. I'd almost forgotten.

"Ah, by the way, you never answered me earlier. Should I get some extra blankets tonight or do you just want me to inform the cleaners for next time?"

He smiled and stood up, wrapping his arms around me from behind. "Just have them do it next time. I want you pressed against me as closely as possible tonight."

I snickered and leaned back against him. "We could do that and be warm, you know."

"Better safe than sorry."

He slapped my ass before heading towards the bed, undressing as he went. The spanking I was used to. It was the undressing that surprised me. Was he really going to sleep half naked in this weather?

Apparently, my face gave me away. He smirked as he saw me.

"Don't worry, I'm planning to put something else on. I just don't see the point of waiting until I get to the closet to strip," he explained. "I mean, it's not like you haven't seen it before."

"Should I strip down now too, then?" I teased.

"Don't make this difficult for me," he grumbled, disappearing into the closet.

I almost wanted to laugh at the bitter tone in his voice. I still wasn't sure what had prompted this whole "break" thing of his, or how much Arthur actually had to do with it, but I guess I was proud of him for sticking with it.

Whatever his reason, he was really giving it his all today. I knew this wasn't easy for him. Physically or emotionally. So the fact that he was trying so hard really said a lot about how much he'd grown lately. How could I not be proud of that?

He walked out of the closet a second later. He nodded towards it vaguely as if to signal it was my turn now. Again, the urge to tease him as I walked by was strong, but I tried to reign it in. He was right. Why make this any harder for him than I had to?

I chose some warm, functional pajamas to wear for the night. Something that shouldn't have been the least bit tempting for Victor. Not that that was any sort of guarantee.

I stepped out to see him already bundled upon bed. He waved me over as he saw me.

"Hurry up already. It's freaking cold."

I smiled and walked over to my side of the bed. I lifted up the covers and slid my way in, scooting next to him as I did so.

"This close enough for you?" I asked.

He snickered and wrapped his arms around me, forcing me closer. "There. I think that should do it. For now, at least."

I rolled my eyes. "God, just go to bed. Please. I need somebody new here ASAP."

I expected him to pout or complain at the comment, but to my surprise, he didn't. Instead, a warm smile filled his face. He gave me another gentle squeeze.

"I'm the only one of us you'd ever think of saying that to, aren't I?"

His tone was soft as he spoke. A reassurance, not a complaint. I smiled and nuzzled against his chest.

"You bet your ass you are."

He chuckled softly and pulled me close. He buried his face in my hair. Somehow, it felt like he was doing so more for comfort than for warmth. I felt his lips against my head.

"I love you, Anna."

"I love you, Victor."

He gave a content sigh before finally laying back and settling his head against the pillow.

As tired as I was, I stayed up to watch him. I watched him until his face started to relax and his breathing became deep. He looked so peaceful, I had to resist the urge to reach out and touch him. I settled for smiling at the calm image instead.

Victor. How did he do it?

How did he always manage to find a new way to surprise me? How could one man possibly change so much in such a short amount of time? I didn't know, but somehow, he had.

Arrogant. Demanding. Troublesome. That's how Victor was described to me when I first met him. And, to be fair, even now I'd probably still use those words to describe him. But not in the same way as before.

The Victor in front of me now was definitely a far cry from the Victor I'd met on that first day. And as much as he liked to joke about still being that "same old Victor," the truth was, he was anything but.

No, that old "playboy Victor" was gone now. And I didn't see him coming back anytime soon.