Honestly my life isn't as happy as many of my close Friends think because some night I can hear my mom and her boyfriend fighting and tonight is one of those nights I can hear their yelling through the wall I locked my self in the bathroom because I feel same and I can still hear it, I'm very scared I don't know why they fight some nights but it's scary, the only reason why I have a phone or a house or anything that any of friends can afford and more is because he has money and with out we wouldn't have food or much clothes at all so when they fight it's really scary for me because I don't want to loose my house and their screaming on general scare me, I've grown a fear of loud noises that don't come from me hearing music or me, I didn't want to post this but I can't keep my emotions bottled up anymore it scares me so much that I sometimes cry because I'm that scared, non of my close will see this because they don't have wattpad and the one who does probably won't bother and I'm ok with that because I don't want any of friends to know what I'm going through because then their perspective on me will change and I don't want them to ask me "Are you ok" when I'm not talking. Sometimes I pretend to be fine when I'm not fine and no one notices because they don't pay much attention to me they just know me as a happy,energetic,optimist,funny person they don't see me cry, I have only cried 1 time in front of them out of almost 7 years that's more then half of my life and I've seen them cry many many many many times. At this point I might have a mental breakdown but I don't want it to be in front of them because I don't want them to see me even weaker then they probably see me. The only way I ever escape from my life is Music and Anime, I often listen to music when people talk to me because sometimes I don't want to go back to the shitty world I live in, sometimes I think about disappearing and when someone asks if I'm ok because I look sad I make up an excuse because I don't want them to know what I'm going through.

I honestly don't wanna live anymore

I'm probably gonna delete this tomorrow when I wake up if I even want to wake up.