TW: grooming, sexual texts 

(im sorry if this is repetitive or not enough evidence, it was hard to look back through this stuff again
I'm kinda scared to post this tbh but here goes)

uhh, so, with all the stories about SA, r-word, and other things coming out, i thought i'd share mine

thank you to heartz4marriott, who shared their story first, please read their book first and listen to their story
the only connection i have to heartz4marriott is that we were groomed by the same person here on wp

i was 13 and 14 years old, galaxy was 11 to 12, maple was 1 to 2. (galaxy and maple are my two little brothers)
they were 18 and 19 when this happened
i made my age clear to them through messages as i was not comfortable sharing it openly

i found their first acc, because i was looking for dnf books, and they were in the fandom and writing.

they followed back, and wanted to be my friend, but the first things they asked for were rps and specifically smutty rps

i had in my boundaries that i didnt want anything sexual like that around me

i blocked the first account

then i thought it was kind of stupid to not give someone a second chance, after all, i'd been kind of rude, right?
that was my first mistake

i ended up following more of their accounts, and everything started to happen.

because wattpad dms dont go back that far, i dont have accounts of how they originally pressured me and how i said no, i lost those same kinds of messages from my profile as well. in the beginning i swear i said no,

i also lost the first messages we exchanged on one of their accounts, because of a time my dad threatened to read through everything i was messaging with all of my friends, i had panicked and tried to delete as many things as i could from many different people

this is your last warning for sexual messages and grooming,
i felt very uncomfortable rereading all the smut i ended up roleplaying with them, so i wont be posting it in its entirety, but if anyone has doubts i can and will post those longer messages. i mostly feel uncomfortable because of how well i masked my own discomfort in the messages, there was so much shame and guilt-tripping early on that i had almost fully pushed down those bad feelings and the thought telling me it was wrong and to get out. i thought i should have been glad to have another friend who liked the same things i did, the same creators i liked

when i didnt reply to roleplays within a few minutes, this happened

i feel disgusted looking back at old messages

i remember getting posts from them on my page, begging me to rp smut even when i said no
ik i said that already, but it happened so often

i. said. no.

they went from guilt tripping to sending sexual things within minutes

they also sent me things along with sexual messages, and encouraged me to be sexual with them in return

the spamming itself wasnt all bad, but it was guilt tripping along with love-bombing and it made me feel like i had to do what they wanted to avoid those bad things and bad feelings that came from guilt and shame

wattpad messages dont go all the way back to when we first started talking, but i wish they did, because they promised they'd stop when i said no, but then they just acted like they didnt know any better

the 'i love you's didnt have /p's until i made it very clear i was uncomfortable, and even then it took a lot to get them to put that tone tag there

whenever i didnt reply, things like this would happen, i was in a terrible mental state and after saying no so many times, i convinced myself that i should just agree to things to make it easier
i convinced myself that even though i was coerced into this, that i was the one who had broken the boundaries i had set when i had felt so pressured for the sake of their feelings and mental health

i fucking hate the word 'pookie'
its not only cringe, but it reminds me of this shit
this rp after message exchange above in particular was the single time they actually didnt push to rp smut with me, and that was ONLY because we'd aged down the characters

i definitely felt like an ass, they made me feel so horrible whenever i didn't reply, whenever i avoided those uncomfortable feelings that came with doing what they wanted 

i didnt owe them anything :(

i knew they were 19 at this point, i was 13 and 14 while this happened, and i made them aware of it in earlier messages (wattpad inbox only goes back so far)

somehow they got me to trust them, i was there for them, but all they wanted from me were smutty rps

they literally posted pictures of lingerie on main, tagging me in the book, talking about the smut and what their character was wearing

i legitimately cared, and i hate myself for it still

they'd apolagise for making me uncomfortable - then break the boundaries i'd set again, because over time it all got to me, and i couldnt keep my boundaries in place

my best friend/now-husband, did interact with them on one occasion, he is @ Lightingsocks
there is a screenshot from heartz4marriott 's book in which they apologised on my groomers behalf for a situation that occurred in which lightning forgot a /j in a reply he posted to something i said about a book i was planning on writing, and he and my groomer proceeded to argue about it on my page for a while
i myself didnt remember exactly when this happened, but it was either on the last few days of april 2023 and may 1, before the rest of these screenshots. my inbox went back to march and because each message dosent have its own timestamp, i'm just putting this here

then, maybe the worst part of it all happened, my dad deleted my email i'd created, there was a lot of abuse going on that night, mostly verbal and threats but it ended with me having a discord account for the first time

and i was fucking excited...
i trusted them, even after all of this
i was fucking naive, but im still just a kid, and they should have known better, when i said no once, they should have stopped, no once should have been the last straw, not over a year of being groomed

i dont have access to our discord messages at all now
(i never blocked them, because i had a terrible habit of unblocking people whenever i was in a bad mental state and unfriending them and ignoring future friend requests worked well enough)
they continued this predatory relationship and continued showering me in love and taking it away when i didn't do what they wanted

we had conversations about how when my brothers (galaxy and maple) were old enough, she'd talk to them too, and be friends with them like she was with me,
and it was all going to be so great /s
galaxy is going to be old enough to get his own accounts this year, if i didnt realise what was happening i dont want to think about what might have happened to him if they were still my friend and had access to my brother/brothers

but even after that, i think the part that'll stick with me forever is the pictures they sent me once i was on discord
they sent me pictures of dream on stage, screenshotted from social media platforms i dont have like instagram/tiktok, and that would have been fine on its own, but they said the most disgusting things. they told me how easy it was to see his ykw through his pants, and to look at it.
this was all while the dream allegations were going on, this fandom was and is my only comfort, and this person was giving me the love and attention i needed in the most toxic way, but i was so disgusted. i asked them to stop, they did, for about an hour, then they sent the same pictures and same sorts of messages again

and i didnt believe i was being groomed the whole time, because i didnt WANT to believe i was being groomed. i spent nights thinking about our age difference, and thinking of all the ways that 'it was fine' and i should have just rpd that smut without feeling weird and gross and dirty, or sayin no at all, because it was hurting their feelings, i was hurting my 'friend'

they posted pictures of themself too, all the time, fishing for engagement and positive attention, and i was one of many who gave it to them
i drew them, i talked to them, i loved them in some fucked up way- and i knew damn well they were dating someone barely a year or two older than me

and yet after all the pain and the smut and the everything, i only realised after i was sent a book.
They were freaking out in my discord dms about some 'drama' and 'allegations' against them. I wont share this persons acc, because the book has since been taken down, but this was out exchange of dms after i read the book and saw the evidence.
i still didnt want to believe it, but i'd blocked and unblocked and said no and been violated so many times that it was the final straw
thesillycircus was one of their names. so many names.

the book this person posted included reports from countless other accounts, from people as young as ten, about how they were treated poorly, and told to do smut rps, along with accounts that they roleplayed tommy x tubbo smut while aware of creator boundaries and creator ages - they were not adults at the time.

im so fucking sorry to anyone who saw their accounts ever posting on my profile, im sorry to anyone who interacted with them ever, im sorry to everyone who ever got groomed by them.
because i know damn well that they dont ever mean it when they apologise for everything theyve done and everyone deserves an apology

fuck them

fuck l-lydiaaaa

fuck TallulahSoott

fuck every account they've ever made,
fuck every message they've sent to a minor,
fuck every name they've gone by
fuck every @ they've switched through
fuck every time they pressured someone
fuck every time they didnt listen when someone said no

fuck anyone who does anything remotely similar to what they've done

and im so proud of everyone who went through any sort of abuse or grooming or SA or r-word
im proud of everyone who's been brave enough to talk about their experiences

and again, thank you so much to heartz4marriott, i dont think i would have been able to go back through everything i had from this and post this otherwise, they're so brave and im so sorry this happened at all