FEBRUARY

"I still don't understand," Mum furrowed her eyebrows at someone I can call my best friend.

"Auntie Susan, I promise it will be decent," Evie assured my tenacious mother.

I wonder about the way she addresses my mom. Yes, me too! But I suppose she got used to it when Sawyer was here. Knowing Evie and her obsession with my tradition, I don't mind that she addresses my mum as her auntie.

"So there's a possibility it won't be decent," Mum said, hands on her hips, raising her eyes at both of us.

"Mum," I whined, "you have to trust me." I let out a heavy breath, and her eyes softened, as if it reminded her of how last year went. "Please," I begged.

"No drinking and whatever they do there," she warned us with a strict glare, pointing at me.

"You have my word, Auntie Susan. Your daughter is safe with me," Evie grinned, while I smiled.

Mom scoffed at my friend. "My dear, I meant both of you." She clarified, gesturing to the two of us with her fingers.

Restlessly, Evie smiled. "Believe me, I'm no trouble. I'm the least visible human in my school," she mumbled under her breath, intending not to let anyone hear her. But I did, and I chose to shelf it for later.

"Mom, you're running late. You have a life to save," I reminded her of the emergency call she received just three minutes ago.

"Yes, exactly. Please get home before 9."

"10?" I innocently batted my eyelashes at her. It's something that has never failed me for years when it comes to enticing or persuading my mum. She just can't refuse her baby looking at her so innocently.

"Alright, that's it. Not a second should be exceeded. I'll be back as soon as work allows me," she firmly announced, and we both nodded at her as she grabbed her handbag and suitcase before escaping through the door with a quick 'I love you.'

While waiting for our Uber, we used the last few seconds to take a final look at ourselves in a wall mirror.

Evie was warming up in a sweatshirt and oversized jeans, while I wore a black longline quilted jacket over my clay corduroy boilersuit and my new solid white Nike Air Force One shoes. I gathered my hair into a rough centre bun before we headed out of the house.

It's the first week of February, and the kids from school decided to have an actual bonfire on the last Friday before the fourteenth. Kieran Lorenzo, a basketball player, had arranged it, and the park manager agreed to let my schoolmates set fire under some adult supervision. Rumour has it that Brandon, the notorious criminal, will be the lookout. If so, I already feel sorry for the parents who entrusted their children under his protection, including my oblivious mum.

The funny part about the event location is that it's five minutes away from my mum's job. If only she knew.

"You're smartly dressed, but didn't you wear any mascara?" Sawyer asked from my mobile phone screen.

"I did," I lied.

"I might be five thousand miles away, but I'm not blind, Ava."

"I believe I look great. Can we stop talking about me?" I pleaded, with Evie next to me as we rode in the Uber to the bonfire location.

Sawyer rolled her eyes before heading into her toilet. "I hope those girls haven't been bullying you," Sawyer asked with a toothbrush in her mouth.

"It's not like they bully me," I embarrassingly muttered. "They just despise me."

"I think that's exactly bullying," she nodded and spat in the sink.

I swallowed and asked, "Isn't it too early there?" I changed the subject.

"It's 4 in the morning, and I'm exhausted," she complained.

"You know tomorrow is Saturday; you can go back to bed," I reminded her. She's so obsessed with cooking and running that she's beginning to stress herself.

"Do you mean today?" she smirked.

"Time difference is so interesting," Evie quipped.

"Hey, Evie," my cousin waved on the screen.

"Hey, Sawyer, are you brushing your teeth at four in the morning?" she furrowed her brows.

"Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise," Sawyer sang the rhyme through the speaker.

"More like, early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy, wealthy, and dead," Evie giggled.

"Good thing I'm not a male, and I admit I don't sleep early," Sawyer defended herself.

I scoffed before trying my own. "The cock crows in the morning to tell us to rise, and he who lies late will never be wise."

"You know what? I'm done with the two of you. Ta-ta."

Laughing, our Uber parked by the side of the street. "That's great; we just arrived too." I waved her a brief goodbye before hanging up and shoving my phone in my boilersuit pocket.

The cars lining the side of the street attested to the location of the event.

With heavy breaths to calm down and encourage myself, we both headed into the park.

I wouldn't be here if Sofia Halt hadn't asked me in the cafeteria this morning, with the entire lunchroom waiting for my response.

Funny! How I even tolerate her. She might be nice to me, but she's possessive of something I want, something that was mine.

Earlier today, from the famous table that she and her friends had moved to—yes, she's sharing a table with Embry and the rest of the girls since Leigh is located there—Sofia called me out while Evie and I shared a table with some first-year students. She informed us about the bonfire while feeding asshole Leigh mac and cheese, was it?

"This place is dark," Evie whispered. "Is this the part when we hear footsteps from behind us, and we turn to check but feel relieved because no one's there, only to turn ahead and find some tall hefty figure with no face and a chainsaw for a hand, before he slits open our stomachs?"

"What?" My eyes widened, and we both looked behind and ahead of us.

"It usually happens in quiet places where teenagers go to have fun," she explained.

"You can't be serious right now." My breathing quickened, and we began taking slow steps with our backs glued to each other's, while quietly inspecting the four paths.

"I'm sorry, but it happens. Don't you watch horror movies? Turn on your phone flashlight," she ordered, as she did with hers.

With our detective eyes and flashlights, we scanned our way through the park.

"Do you think this is the right location?" I asked her quietly, almost a whisper.

"I think it is. It's the address Sofia Halt gave you," Evie replied, equally quiet.

"What are you two doing?"

Startled, we both stumbled apart and defensively directed our mobile phone flashlights at the figure.

Arlen Garret?

"Easy, come on, I'm no monster or alien from some planet." He inclined his head and covered his eyes with his arms, shielding himself from our flashlight attack.

Oh, we should turn off the light. "Sorry!" I switched off mine, but Evie didn't. She only lowered her mobile phone, inspecting the route.

"Thank you. Everyone's over to the left. Come, I'll show you the way." He offered.

"No, thank you." I bit out, with my hands in my jacket pockets. I walked ahead, while Evie rushed to catch up to my side.

"At least you should let him bodyguard us," she murmured.

"I don't know." That's the truth. I honestly don't know how to feel around Arlen Garret. Leigh might have been the one who started the fight and even gained the upper hand, but Arlen had disappointed me in many ways. Not only did he help spread Embry's accusations against Leigh and me, but he also avoided me for months. Now he thinks he can just offer kindness?

"Maybe you should listen to him?" she suggested.

"Rubbish." I shot her an exasperated glare, and she zipped up whatever she had in mind before we turned towards the group of our schoolmates with beer bottles or party plastic cups, all gathered in circles around six roaring bonfires.

"Wow," Evie breathed.

"Welcome! Here are some drinks for two beautiful ladies." Brooks Carter, the former football captain, handed us two plastic cups filled with God-knows-what.

"Thank you." I smiled at him.

"Follow me; I'll find you two a spot." He led us to the middle group consisting of familiar faces.

"What's in the cup?" Evie whispered when we both settled on the bare sandy ground, thanking Brooks for the hospitality.

"I don't know, but it must be alcoholic," I answered.

"Do you have a problem with the drink, fat girl? Or do you two English girls need some tea?" Embry pretended to express concern, and we both ignored the laughter that erupted around the circle.

I kept my eyes down, picking at my thumbnails, reminding myself that Leigh and Lilith aren't my family anymore. I don't expect them to be my saviours like before.

"Can you, for once, be educative and reasonable? You're older but always childish. If you ask me, I'd say you're jealous because she's better than you."

My eyes met Sofia's warm smile from across the bonfire. I would've returned it, but beside her stood Leigh, so her words failed to give me the comfort she intended.

"Well, mind your own business because no one asked you. And for your information, I would never be jealous of pathetic failures," Embry retorted.

"Embry," Lilith and Quinn said in unison.

"What?" She shrugged sassily and took a sip from her beer, while I struggled to catch my restrained breath.

These are the reasons why I'm losing the courage to attend social events these days.

Can't she see that Sofia has Leigh? I don't understand her unrelenting hatred. I can't even tell what started the mutual animosity between us in the first place. All I know is that I began to dislike Embry when she started showing intense disdain towards me.

"Don't mind her; she's not worth it," Evie whispered in my ear, and I nodded once, keeping my head down, blinking away the tears.

"How's the show rehearsal going, Ava? I heard Mrs. Gomez found your Romeo," Sofia asked.

"It's fine, thank you. We only have two more rehearsals before the show," I tried to push back the pain to the back of my chest. My Romeo is sitting next to you.

"I don't know how Friday's going to be," she started.

"Busy, clearly," Sofia's best friend, Jade Grayson, stated.

"Yeah, but if I find it convenient, you know, with the party preparations going on and all, I might stop by and see your performance before the game begins," she politely said.

"Thank you," I responded, before my eyes fell on Lilith's glaring gaze.

"Who's in for truth or dare or maybe spin the bottle?" Embry suggested with a jubilant smile spread across her face. Some booed her in the group, while others agreed.

"Let's get out of here," Evie proposed, as three people left the circle and headed towards the nearest bonfire behind them.

I picked up my untouched cup, and we moved to the next bustling bonfire.

"Come on, don't chicken out," Lilith reluctantly called out. I knew she was talking to me, but I refused to turn.

"Lilith, don't be a brat," Leigh's stern voice intervened.

And my heart flipped as I excused the surrounding people to position myself between them.

"Hey."

Great, Ava. I went and positioned myself and Evie next to Arlen Garret.

"Okay." I nodded, already feeling like going home.

"You're drinking liquor now?" He beamed at the plastic cup sitting in front of me.

I mentally slapped myself and screamed loudly before simply shaking my head, no.

"What's in the cup?" He persisted.

Dear goodness,

"I really don't know. I haven't tasted it," I pushed myself to answer.

"Lord, get me two diet cokes from the cooler," he called out.

"You shouldn't bother; I'm leaving soon anyway," I told him.

"You just came. You need to relax and have a little fun," he stated, at the same time someone handed him two tins of Diet Coke.

"Thank you," I responded when I received both tins and held out one for Evie.

"Ava, I wanted to apologise to you. I've been meaning to do it for a long while, but I... I just want you to know I'm sorry for whatever happened between us."

"I..."

"I know it's so selfish of me, but I don't want to hold grudges anymore. You seem to hate me."

"I don't hate you," I retorted.

"You avoid me in the hallways and the parking lot," he pointed out the obvious.

Okay, lie, Ava. You're a good liar these days anyway. "I might have been preoccupied at the time. Maybe it was coincidental. I've been distracted lately."

"Hmm," he chuckled. "Okay, I buy it."

"What?" I raised my brows at him.

"Your pretty-not-true excuse," he simply quipped, and I laughed.

"It's not an excuse," I defended myself. Well, maybe it was.

"Fine, so are we cool?" he asked, holding out a fist bump.

I think, yes! I'm not one to hold long grudges, either.

Smiling, I nodded and reciprocated the fist bump.

"It's freezing out here. Why host a bonfire at this time of the year?" I queried.

"It's more like a Hills High students' tradition every year before Valentine's," Arlen explained.

"Wow, and we're taking chilly drinks from coolers?" I gestured at my unopened Diet Coke.

He chuckled and nodded.

We spent a while discussing bonfires. I told him about how we celebrated ours back in London on the Observance of the 5th of November Act. I shared about the fireworks shows and fun fairs in the area. Evie and he were intrigued, and I ended up telling them the whole story of Guy Fawkes and how the celebration started over four hundred years ago.

"It must be very beautiful," Evie commented.

"It is. Those are some of the days I miss," I replied honestly.

Back in London, Sawyer and I would attend lots of fun events together, including celebrating football wins in a really wild crowd. It's one of the most beautiful memories I have of us.

"Don't worry, we have cool stuff here too," Arlen assured me.

"Very exciting," Evie added, and we both laughed.

"You know, I quite fancy your choice of drink," I told Arlen after a while of watching the fire roaring.

"I think we have the same choice of drink," he reminded me.

There's not a hint of any damage from the fight he was involved in last December.

"You enjoy stuff like this, I see. Bloody cheeky," I said.

"What?" They both tilted their heads towards me, and I fidgeted under their scrutiny.

"I mean very mischievous," I explained my phrase, and Evie exploded with laughter while Arlen struggled to stifle his.

"I need to get a British dictionary so I won't look dumb," Arlen blurted.

***

It was almost ten when I spotted Lord Zachary by a tree with two girls surrounding him. My eyes shot to his mobile phone with the screen light on, and I thought it might grant me successful access inside without worrying about the passkey.

I stood there, planning scenarios of how to get there unseen, and for once, I got lucky.

The girl straddling his lap took off her shirt and stood up, pulling him with her behind the next tree, with the other girl following them. I don't know why I am worried about their exposure to the cold weather, and I suddenly feel like telling them to stay healthy.

Concentrate, Ava.

I took cautious steps towards his jacket, where bottles of beer and a MacBook lay next to the mobile phone. With careful glances, I inspected the busy environment, making sure no one was paying attention to me.

Simply and quickly, I scrolled through his videos, searching for what I had in mind, only to find more disturbing videos of half or almost all Hills High girls.

My eyes fell on the MacBook, and I knew deleting those videos wouldn't be enough.

I need to save women from his blackmail. I need to save Quinn from his abuse. I know what I plan to do is a little too much, but hey, he's making sex videos of girls like me and blackmailing them into obeying him.

With a quick look over to the tree, I went through his contacts, hoping to find something helpful like a password. When there was nothing, I scrolled through his notes application, and brilliant, there it was. The iCloud password and username I needed.

Pressing "erase iCloud," I dropped the phone and walked back to where Evie was discussing with the freshmen boys we shared a lunch table with.

Yes, freshmen! I know, but sometimes it's safer around them because freshmen are mostly trying to find themselves in high school, so they're more generous than the older students.

Seating next to her, I opened my Diet Coke, which was now less chilly, and took a swig.

"Where have you been?" she questioned.

"Around. Just a minute. I'll be back," I said without waiting for her reply. I hurried over to where Quinn and Harry were roasting marshmallows on barbecue sticks.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" I asked the girl in the black jeans and hooded sweater.

"Hey, Ava," Harry waved, and I returned a smile to him.

"What do you want?" Quinn reluctantly asked without sparing me a glance.

"It's important. Can you please give me a minute or even just a few seconds?" I politely replied.

She let out a loud exhale and looked around, probably checking if her friends were watching us. "Fine, make it quick," she huffed and stood up, following me to a tree.

"What's so important?" she asked immediately.

"I took down the video from Zachary's phone," I said.

Her eyes narrowed, analyzing me. "How?"

"He left it on the grass and went with some girls behind a tree," I explained.

"He still has it on his iCloud. It's going to be on his laptop," she said, rolling her eyes and appearing frustrated.

"I erased his iCloud," I told her.

"What?" Her eyes widened.

"It's probably done erasing by now," I said, and our eyes went to where Zachary was redressing his shirt.

"What the fuck? Who the fuck touched my phone?" he yelled. Quinn turned to me with dilated eyes and burst into laughter.

"Fuck, I love you, Ava. Thank you so much," she said, pulling me into a long hug. "Aren't you a little badass?"

"It's nothing, actually. Besides, he had a lot of girls under his control. I thought maybe erasing it would free them," I replied.

She pulled away and cupped my cheeks. "You're so kind and good. I envy you, you know?"

"I doubt it."

"You have no idea," she hugged me again. "I owe you one."

"What the fuck are you doing?" Embry forcefully tugged her friend away from me.

"What's wrong with you? You almost ripped my hair," Quinn cried.

"You deserve it. You just don't hug losers and hypocrites," Embry barked.

"You know she's not as bad as you make her out to be," Quinn fired back.

"Excuse me, are you defending her?" Embry leaned in, lowering her head to meet Quinn's eyes.

"I think you should leave Ava alone. She's not responsible for anything. You only hate her for your own selfish pleasure because she's generous and quiet," Lilith voiced from beside Embry.

My eyes followed her direction. She wasn't looking at me, but I knew she was here for me. It warmed my heart, even though I couldn't stop the silent tapping of my fingers against my thighs, hoping this moment would quickly end.

With a sneer, Embry spun around to face Lilith. "Excuse you?"

"I said leave her alone. She's innocent," Lilith gritted her teeth.

Scoffing, Embry looked amused. "Okay," she raised her palms in a surrendering gesture. "But if I may ask, if she's innocent and doesn't deserve my attitude, why did you take away her clothes from her locker and make everyone vacate the girls' locker room with their belongings so that an innocent Ava Lancelot would take a naked walk of shame through the school hallways? I'm just curious," Embry shrugged, apparently enjoying this moment.

My stomach dropped, and my breathing became labored.

My eyes slowly shifted from an entertained Embry to Lilith's pleading eyes.

No. No...

"You wouldn't..." my voice cracked.

"Oh, she did. She wrote on the walls too, didn't she, Suri?" Embry turned to the quiet girl frowning behind her.

"I don't know," I heard Suri respond, but nothing felt real.

I felt a chill run through my bones. I felt deceived, backstabbed by someone I trusted, someone I thought was my sister just months ago.

It was never Lisa Austen. It was someone closer, someone nicer. It was Lilith all along.

I shook my head, refusing to accept the truth, hoping against all odds that Embry must be lying. But Lilith didn't deny it.

"I... I thought," my voice croaked through my constricted throat.

"Ava," Lilith begged, but I spun around and hurried far away from her and her ruthlessness.

Why is my life so unfortunate?

Without second thoughts, I grabbed a bottle of whatever from a table and stormed out of the park.

Gulping down from the tall bottle that was larger than a normal beer bottle, I stumbled upon an unfamiliar street. Tears soaked the neck of my boilersuit, and hopelessly and aimlessly, I took each step.

I should not have agreed to stay here after all.

Right now, I could have been in London, surrounded by people who appreciate me. I could have been free from this everyday torment.

What have I done wrong? What am I doing wrong? There must be something wrong with me. There has to be.

"Ava?" I felt someone hugging me from behind. And by someone, I meant the person whose scent and voice couldn't go unnoticed in my head.

Leigh!

But I only grew more agitated and shrugged off his hold.

"Don't touch me."

He clenched his jaw, and a frown deepened on his face.

"What do you want?" I asked boldly, or at least as close to boldness as I could muster. The universe was spinning around me, and my breathing became increasingly erratic, causing my heart to pound hard against my chest.

His eyes widened in horror as they fell on the bottle in my hand. He stepped forward to snatch it, but I retreated backwards and almost fell.

"You can't walk alone at night around here, it's not safe," he frowned. I laughed at his effort before I began sobbing again.

"You must be joking," I mumbled and turned around, ignoring his feeble attempt.

He must be completely insane to pretend to care about my safety. I can protect myself, can't I?

I took another long swig, the strong taste making me want to cry even harder, before it was snatched away and thrown against the concrete pavement.

"Wanker. Piss off." I violently pushed his chest, but he refused to flinch from my attack. On the other hand, I lost my balance and fell hard on the ground. I winced, even though I didn't feel any pain.

How dare he? He has no right to take my drink.

He squatted on his knees, offering to help, I think. "Get away from me, deceiver." I slapped his hands.

"Ava, you're wasted. You've consumed almost half of Spirytus. What are you thinking? Are you trying to kill yourself?" His voice was too loud for my ears.

"I know, I'm a mess," I agreed, lying on my back in the street.

It felt comfortable, helping to calm my racing heart.

The stars were so low that I couldn't feel them falling on my face.

"Ava, that's not what I meant." I slapped away the fingers that approached me.

"Isn't it great that the moon is so friendly? I invited it to dinner. My mom would be so angry." I waved to the beautiful, big, bright ball smiling at me.

"Ava."

I huffed and glanced over at the tall figure in a tiny jacket. "What's your problem? Ava, Ava, Ava? Do I call you Leigh, Leigh, Leigh all the time?" I frowned, and all of a sudden, I wanted to cry.

Why would he call me all the time?

"It's not fair. Leave my name alone," I wailed.

"I'm sorry."

"Look, there's the lovebird, Orion." I giggled at the stars tickling me. "He says hi. Won't you reply to him?" I pouted at the very funny-looking figure with messy hair before it lay next to me and waved to my new friends.

"And there's Sirius. We've been friends for a while. Say hi." My vision was blurry, no matter how much I wanted to fight it.

"Hi, Sirius."

I could barely open my eyelids, but I heard from a distance, "Are you cold?"

I couldn't reply because I couldn't move any muscles in my body. My stomach was twisting badly. I wanted to cry, but I didn't have the strength.

Like an electric shock, my body began to shake, and I immediately started choking. It felt like I was being strangled because I couldn't expel the contents from my mouth, and it started going down the wrong path, preventing me from breathing.

I faintly heard my name before my body shifted to my left side, and then nothing more.

***

"Hey."

"Mmm," I mumbled.

I'd been vomiting in the toilet for a very long time. Sitting despairingly on the bare floor, Leigh held out paper towels for me. At least, that's what I remembered after finally blinking back to consciousness, prompted by a very cold shower.

Through my half-closed eyelids, I saw his hand coming to my forehead. "You're pale and cold. Come, let's get you changed." My breathing was slow, and the room that I believed to be my bathroom was still blurry. I must still be impaired.

"hmmMmm."

I felt his hands sliding under my thighs and my back, lifting me up.

Barely aware, I felt my clothes being replaced with less soaked ones, and my body was stretched onto a comforting surface that must be my bed. Then followed something warm that covered me.

"I could make you coffee." His voice sounded somewhat distant.

With my eyes closed, I whispered a reply. "No."

"Water? Or perhaps some tea? You consumed a drink with over ninety percent alcohol. You need to hydrate," he advised.

"Uhm, uhm."

"I'll stay for a while. You can't be alone; you had a seizure."

"You have Sofia. Leave me alone."

"That's not true, Ava."

"Go away and stop calling me Ava all the time. You don't want me."

It was quiet for a while. I could barely hear my own breath. I continued to express what I felt in words, even though I couldn't feel his presence and couldn't open my eyelids to find out.

"Why did you stop loving me? Is there something wrong with me? I know I'm useless, no one needs me. But why you? I wanted you to be consistent."

I couldn't finish as everything faded away.