When Tori rejoined me in the room, I had already changed into my pyjamas and had brought out something comfy for her to change into too.

With my eyes closed, I sensed her footsteps while she roams around the room until she turned off the lights and hopped onto the bed, pulling the duvet cover over her, like me.

"You were standing by Leigh's door for five minutes." She said in the dark, taking me off guard; I choked again.

Then the side lamp came up, emitting a dimming light around the room.

"There is bottled water on the nightstand by your side." She reminds me worriedly while I suffer to control my jammed throat for the second time this evening.

Earlier I had saved the rest of the water I fetched from the fridge before mounting to the first floor, into my bedroom.

I sit up, grab the bottle and gulp half of it, stalling deliberately, hoping she won't repeat what I have no answer for.

Was she sneaking on me?

"Have you been spying on me?" It was a weak attempt to change the subject.

I try not to look at her, afraid my mastery of disguise was now going awry. But the emotions I was experiencing right now, are hard to restrain. My mouth won't close, my gaze stuck on nothing in particular and my eyes won't blink. I wrap my arms around myself to steady the crushing emotion that was amplifying in my chest.
I could feel my body rocking to and fro, I was dizzy while seated, and my breathing was accelerating.

"Oh my God, you and him?" She gasps in shock. If I wasn't broken and incapacitated to look over to her, I would have sworn she climbed off the bed because I felt the mattress beneath me shift.

"You are in love with him." She uttered to herself, somewhere around the dark room. "How can I be blind? You said you weren't ready for any kind of relationship since your last. It was him. He was the one who broke your heart."

She came and sat before me, her face contorted in confusion, when she demands, "Ava tell me."

I scoffed weakly and look down at my shaky hands.

From my faint reaction, she had connected the dots.

"Fuck me." She gasped again. I could feel her cavilling gape drilling through my bones and I waited for them to absolve me from her judgements. Her silence made me feel small, it raises the guilt I thought I'd buried for years, to the point it reminded me of the risks and stupidity of my choices. Guilt for wanting someone I can't have, I shouldn't have.

"I-I am going to sleep." My voice strained, after numerous attempts to work down the lump in my throat.

"Ava, you can't-you can't." She shakes her head and a knot formed in my chest.

With flared nose and a murderous glare at her, I repeated, "Now! I am sleeping now!"

With that, I didn't delay burying myself under the covers of my comforter and drifting into night terrors, where there was a clear vision of the threats ahead of me.

***

When I woke up in the morning, I was the only one on the bed, Tori wasn't in the room.

I made sure to check the toilet before I can panic, but there wasn't anything there too.

Necessary panicked and barefoot, in my silly pyjama, I emerge to my bedroom, with the only intention of finding my best friend, who didn't seem to have taken the news very well, as Evie did, but as soon as I came out of my room, I was captivated by the sweet melody coming from the slightly opened door opposite mine.

Promptly I melted, I can feel my inside warm-up and my pulse racing, summoning every hair on my skin. It was thrilling, my heart kept skipping beats.

Cautiously, I step forward and lay my hand over the surface of the wooden door, pushing it a little. It reveals the room I've stayed away from, for over three hundred days.

Suddenly, I was punched in the face with the most intoxicating air. It cause a tickling feeling in my stomach and brought goosebumps spreading all over my body in their wake.

The room is just like it used to be, back when I will join Leigh on his bed and we will tangle our bodies instead of finishing our homework. It was grey and describes everything exactly as Leigh. It brought heavy memories I couldn't carry.

From the balcony that only his room and our parents have, he was sitting with his back leaning against the wall, one leg folded and the other stretch out in front of him, thoughtfully playing the old guitar he never uses.

He was barefooted and shirtless. His black ripped, skinny jean trousers hang dangerously low around his waist as always, his creamy skin somehow magically glowing from the rays of the sunlight that was pouring above him. He looks almost unreal, my heart was beating faster every second and my eyes couldn't stop staring.

He didn't notice me, his eyes were following the movement of his fingers along the strings of the wooden guitar. His head nods along with the rhythm he was composing, and anytime his fingers tap on a string, there's a moving sound vibrating through the air, that brings a smile on my face at the soothing essence it sprays around the atmosphere.

I lean my head against the frame of the door, my fingertips involuntarily thumping the surface until a voice came up behind me.

"Ava, what are you doing?" The curious voice asked.

Startled by the unexpected sound, I almost tripped over.

When I steady my feet and look back into the room to find Leigh still distracted by his guitar, I heave a relief sigh and step away from the open door, immediately.

It would be awkward to find out I was by his door, gawking at him like a creep. When theoretically, I should be freely walking into the room and sliding into his arms, since as far as I know, he and I are together.
But I was afraid. I was afraid he will push me away.

Yesterday when he looked at me with so much pain in his eyes, it was soul-wrecking, it squeezed the air in my throat and had me bleeding inside.

When I turned around, I found Lilith, she was wearing sweatpants and a sports bra, her brown hair plunged over her shoulders.

She smile small at me, which I didn't return.

"The supplies are ready, I was thinking we could go check the store out if you're free." She informed me while picking at her nails.

"What is that?" I asked.

She blinked, her lips opened and closed, but nothing came out. It is as though I said something I shouldn't, and she was surprised by it.

"What? I didn't kiss you, so spare me the infamous conning time-stopping-breathe-taking pretence." I fires and she flinched.

I shouldn't be so mean, but I am angry at her for hating me like an enemy and now for loving me as a lover.

Why can't she just have it on average? Like, like me as a normal family? How is that so hard for her?

"Ava, I was talking about the clothing line." She swallowed. "You said you are in." She added quietly.

But I am not ready to get dragged into one of her tricks. I am well aware of the serpent she is.

"I don't have time today." I bluntly reject and prance away.

"Ava?" She eagerly called again when I started two steps down the ground floor.

I stopped and exhaled loudly before turning back to face her.

"What, Lilith?" I drawled, automatically rolling my eyes.

"Uhm... Nothing." She smiled ruefully and steps backwards towards her open room.

Okay?

Upon descending the stairs, I spot mom, holding open the entrance door. She was talking to someone I can't quite see, given the angle, I was standing from, on the curvy staircase.

"Glad you were able to make it." I heard mom tell the person.

"Thanks again." Said a disembodied woman's voice.

I take long steps towards where my mom was standing, neatly dressed as always. And across the door is Tori's mom.

"Where is Tori?" I asked straightaway since I couldn't find her when I woke up.

"She's in the car." The two women unison and then laugh at themselves.

Whatever.

I slide my way out of the house, from under mom's arm, which was holding the door open while she reminds me of shoes, but I ignore her and ran down the porch, to the driveway, where Tori's mom parked a shiny silver Audi model that predictably, must cost hundreds of thousands.

"Hey?" I called when I levelled my head with the window and knock on the glass.

She notice but refuse to wind the glass down, so I stubbornly keep on knocking, repeatedly to irritate her and it eventually worked. She rolled down the window, looking partially pissed.

"What?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"I don't know Ava, I just find out you've been hiding things from me. Crucial things." She grits her teeth and looked away.

She's still wearing the pyjamas she slept in. I am sure she hadn't showered or eaten breakfast.

Great, she's running away from me. I must probably disgust her so much.

"What do you want me to say? To start digging up what I left behind? Tori, I didn't want to talk about it, I needed to heal and talking about him only refreshes the wound. You have to understand, you're my best friend." The last part sounded honeyed even with the crushing feeling in my heart.

"That doesn't mean you should hide things from your best friend." She curiously look back at me with adjusted eyelids. "You don't trust me, do you?" Her voice was taut, she maintained her fixed stare and searched for honesty in my glistening ones.

I cast my eyes to the ground, and let go of the breath I was holding.
"That's not true." My brows rise as I object.

"Does Evie knows?" She taunted with a cold smile that sent chills through my body. And when I stayed speechless, she nodded and scoffed. "Wow. I sure am the third wheel in this friendship."

"Tori." I squeaked with too much emotion closing my throat.

"I need some time alone." She demanded, turning back her head forward.

"That year she was there when it was happening-" I start to babble but she interrupts, "Ava, goodbye."

I gasped, I swear I felt my shrinking heart drop to my churning stomach at her insistence.

She can't possibly break up with me because of this, right?

"Goodbye?" I squealed, wide-eyed.

She blows out a breath and tilts her head to me,
"See you later, Ava. I have to digest all of this."

Oh!

"Okay. I will call you later?" I practically plead to make sure she wasn't leaving me entirely, and she nodded, offering a lip sealed smile that showers me a pail of relief.

While I walk back towards where mom is opening the door open for me, I came across Tori's mom returning to her vehicle.

"Later Denise," I tell the sophisticated woman that fitted well as a best friend to my mother.

"Later, darling." She smiled and walked away.

Reaching the entrance, mom extent the door open for me, to come inside before she closes it after us and follow behind me as I stroll towards the kitchen.

"There are shoes by the foyer hanger, you should remember to put them on so you won't step on something harmful." She said and my eyes automatically rolled to the back of my head.

Like she cared.

"Mm-hmm," Although, I replied.

"A package came in this morning, says it's yours." She informed me when we walked into the glossy kitchen that Marina, the housekeeper must have arranged as usual.

"It must be my phone and Aldous Huxley."
I scamper onto the stool and begin peeling the box open.

The brave new world is among our summer reading and I haven't started on anything yet.

"What happened to your phone?" I heard her ask, sounding curious while through the clinking of glass and whistle from the kettle.

"I couldn't find it."

After I had uncovered the new phone from its box and turned it on, mom sits a cup of hot tea and a plate of scrambled eggs, and blah blah blah in front of me. She pulls a stool and settled too close, it was suddenly irritating. It takes so much patience to not lose it and throw the breakfast against the annoyingly neat walls.

"Ava, can we talk?" She brush back my hair and hooked it behind my ear.

Chewing on my word, I turn around and face her with a dry smile, and sass, "Don't worry, Susan. I am not reporting you for violence and abuse but I would like to demand my freedom."

She gasped like a strangled woman and paused the movement of her fingers around my hair.

I saw the flicker of fear that flashes in her glossy hazel eyes before she gulped. And I know exactly what pulled out those emotions from her but as long as she doesn't respect me, this is how it will go.

"I don't want to fight, Ava." She mused, her eyes locked on me.

"Well, that's what you're now famous for."

"Because you push my limits."

Great. Ava is always on the wrong side and mom? She's bloody pure, she is so perfect that she never makes mistakes.

I exhale a laugh and push down from the stool, away from her. at last, I could breathe.

She lean her elbows onto the worktop and buried her face in her hands as though all of this is too much for her.

Shocked at her unbelievable audacity, I snapped insolently, "Now I've seen it all. Susan is always right. She doesn't make mistakes, she is always perfect, she's flying to heaven straightaway."

"I didn't say that." She was fretting, shaking her head at me.

My smile was vacant when I throws a flippant remark and went on unwrapping my book, "Whatever."

I heard her draw in a long breath and looked up at me with exhausted eyes, "Look I know you hate me, but I just want to know if you're-you know?" She blinked and began chewing her bottom lip without finishing her sentence.

"Mince no words, Susan, that's not you these days. Tell me, I am what?" I demanded since her sudden strange attitude had stirred curiosity in me.

She runs her fingers through her hair and exhales while I wait for a proper explanation.

"You disappeared for a whole night with a boy, I want to know if you're..." She hesitated, struggling to finish her words.

At least she knows how stupid she sounded.

"If I am having sex?" I stopped and smirked at her.

Someone tell me where the mother of the year award is taking place, I need to get this woman on the show.

"If you're been safe?" She added.

With every willpower I have in me, I pull them together to stop me from flaring. And I really want to flare.

"Don't worry, I am still the naive girl you know. No one fucked me yet." I replied with thick spite.

"I am just saying." She surrendered her hands and I interrupted, "Thanks Susan for caring about my sex life but chill, I wouldn't dare bring you a grandchild since clearly, you failed at motherhood, I'd be stupid to imagine you as a grandma."

She suspires and rubs her temples just as Leigh's head pops into the kitchen from the archway. When he notices me, he clenches his jaw and greeted mom "good morning" and began to turn away.

He can't be serious. I thought this is our chance of working on a better relationship? He has to know the time is running out and he is wasting precious minutes that could be memorable.

"I want to go to Evie's. Can Leigh drive me?" I rushed and he halted. His eyes rolled heavenward, his tongue poking at the inner wall of his cheek, where his dimple suppose to sink.

Yes, he can't kiss me and tell me he wants me and then start to ignore me. Relationships don't work that way, in case he is dumb.

"Okay." Mom simply waves off when she gets on her feet, and started packing the box and papers from the delivery package I've scattered around.

"Aren't you grounded?" The wanker reminded my mom, with venom dripping in his tone, all for the pleasure to see me suffer.

There was acid roiling in my stomach, I shot him a glare and he avert his eyes from me. His Adam apple slid up and down his throat. I feel like punching him there until he faints.

Mom taps her forehead with her hand at the reminder.

"Oh sorry, you can't. You and Lilith are staying in until you're even." She informs me and walks out through the back door, after throwing the rubbish in the waste disposal.

Taking advantage of the privacy, I run toward him as he decides to turn and take off, letting me tail behind him like some puppy.

"Leigh," I whispered a shout.

He stopped abruptly and turn around, I had to bump into him before he steady me with his big hands around my forearm.

"What?" He inclined and growled in my face.

Suddenly all I wanted to tell him vanished from my thoughts, and I stilled, only breathing and blinking.

He smells too good, so good, I wish we can stop all this and kiss.

"I-I thought you love me," I mumbled childishly, sweeping my hair from my face, behind my ear.

He looks away and exhales a small laugh that seems exasperated. His hand pushes into his thick perfect curls while his tongue sweeps over his intense red lips.
Taking me by surprise, he lean in, eyes closed and grabbed my nape sharply.

The time stopped and I swear, my wish was being granted.

The contact of his hand around the back of my neck set my entire body on fire, my lips trembled, my skin heated on. I watch him breathe heavily and unsteady against my face like I was as contagious to him as he is to me.

"That's the point, Ava. I-I fucking love you." He bites on each word, his voice thick with emotion, it made me weak and speechless.

"I am falling for you painfully but I can't have you the way it should be. That-that is freaking me out." He chuckled bitterly and opened his eyes to meet my welled up ones. His green eyes were too intense, I had to look away and focus on swallowing the stubborn lump in my throat.

His hand was still around my neck, his face still against mine when he continues, "You are either underage for me to have or someone is coming and we have to pull away to avoid being caught, or we are fooling others into believing we are with other people because we are keeping our little secret intact." He stops and swallows. I look back at him when he proceeds, "Or we are using others to hurt each other for no valid point." He frowns and tilts his head a little, glaring at me from the corner of his eyes. "Nothing is stretching, there is always something on the way to mess with us, and it is so fucking dark, it is screwing me up."

"Is this about Lucas?" My voice came out croaky, I am overwhelmed with too many emotions, I didn't feel the tears sliding down from my eyes until a drop fell to my hand. "Nothing ha-"

He cuts me off and let go of me, "I need to go." He announces and pull away, his chest rose and fell from across me.

Why is he doing this? I don't get it. Does he think I like it this way too? Does he think I am enjoying punishing myself? I have no wish other than to be with him, why can't he understand me.

"Leigh?" I begin just as Lilith's voice broke through the grave-silent foyer. "What is happening?" She confusedly asked and I stiffened.

Swallowing the pain of not having to unfold whatever this is that is going on between Leigh and me, I bite my inner cheeks to suppress the cry I can feel surging from my throat.

Out of all the moments she can pick to interrupt my progress of living, she chose now. Great!

"Ava, are you okay?" She asked again when none of us answered.

I was anxious, my heart was racing way too much than it should be healthy. Leigh is crazy, I feel like screaming at him to remind him to stop whatever he was thinking, for his gaze was anchored on me while his sister descends the staircase and come over to me, wrapping her slim arm over my shoulders.

"What did you do to her?" She yells at him, while he hyperventilates from across us, still pinning me firmly with his intense stare like there was no one around us. "Leigh!" She yells, this time, shoving his chest.
He steps back a little and that seems to work; he suddenly came back to his senses before he can expose us. When he looked over to his sister, he swallows and storms off without a word.

I watch him yank the doorknob, exit the house and close the door violently until the thud vibrates through the walls.

Why is he so angry?

"What did he do?" Lilith asked, her voice soft and gentle, she brought her thumb under my eye and wipe the tears wetting my cheeks. I was still in shock while she caresses my face. "Are you sure you are okay?" She worriedly asked.

That's when the realisation came flowing into my head like blood in my veins. I pull away from her the instant and blinked.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Trying to be a good sister." She retorted as the doorbell rang.

I watch her with unbelievable eyes while she stalks away to attend to the person across the door.

"Finding it hard to believe? Told you I love you." She winks and I flinch, she scoffs and pulls open the door, while I, like an idiot, stayed stuck in my stance.

"Hey, babe."

It was a male voice, then the sound of mouths smacking came up.

She was kissing someone, someone with trimmed hair, wearing an armless vest.

"Hey, Ava." Clark waves while he skulks into the house, along with another new faced boy, I've never seen around here. He was holding a bottle of cheap liquor that Lilith later snatched and take a long gulp from.

She's sneaking boys into the house when she's grounded, really?

"Be a good girl and don't tell mommy." The asshole winks at me just like Lilith did a minute ago and I wore a dazed smile at everything that was happening too fast.

Wow! She sure moved on so quickly.

I thought she liked me. Was it love she said?

Not that I care, because her, falling in love with someone else, is what I need right now, to make my life less complicated than it is at the moment.

Lilith followed behind her friends as they headed up the first floor, warning them to be quiet while they chuckle like idiots.

I take a deep breath and return to the kitchen to warm the breakfast mom made for me, for I am too weak to function correctly.

Mom later came in and informed me she is leaving for women blah blah blah meeting at TPC and she will be home by afternoon, but Marina will be back from the grocery store to make lunch. I nodded and she pathetically kissed my hair and dismissed herself when I cringed.

Since then I didn't care who came in or out of the house. At some point, I heard Marina working in the kitchen while I was in the living room watching the new gossip girl on HBO. I know she has a key so I didn't have to worry about my safety. She later came into my room to collect my laundry while I was in the bathtub nearly falling asleep.

Mom didn't return as she promised earlier and I wasn't surprised, for she has become a good liar these days too.

The afternoon pass away with me being alone at home, just not how I pictured my holiday.

Drunk Lilith and her fucking slaves took advantage of the freedom and escape the house after Quinn irritating car horn by our driveway, which almost woke every sleeping resident in the neighbourhood.

I watch them from the glass wall of the house gym, Christian has built last year when I started staying late every day at the gym on spring gate lane, they ran toward the low car, where half-naked suri and a probably inebriated Jordan climbed out, letting the three hops into the backside before they settled back in the passenger side, Suri onto Jordan's lap when Quinn drove away.

I spend most of the day in the gym after backing up my data on my new mobile phone and replying to a couple of messages from Evie about Tori, along with some happy birthday wishes from family and friends that came in yesterday. I later scroll through my social media feeds and there were pictures and videos from some summer festival thing, where most of my friends excluding Evie is.

Through pictures of friends, I even spotted my two step-siblings having fun playing a mixed-sex handball along with some familiar faces, while I was here following the rules that said 'when you're grounded, you stay home.'

Leigh IG story was filled with status, those I can't tap through, because I was afraid he will know I was obsessed with him. Which is screwed up because he should know and stop playing around girls and boys with no shirt on.

Angered, I toss my phone somewhere on the bed and buried my face in the pillow.

After dinner, which I had alone since no one came back home and Marina had long left, I went to my room and start on my summer reading until I drift off to a world where everything was perfect.