ʚĭɞ

I HAD LOOKED AROUND FOR A BIT AND FOUND A PARK that had lots of kids playing at it, I honestly had to stop myself from running over to play on the swings. So instead I walked away biting my thumbnail looking around at the small town square, there were little food shops and small clothing stores. I wandered around a little more and found another park, one that had bigger kids, his age – smoking and drinking. I couldn't help but met eyes with two of the kids a boy and a girl, so I turned away and ran.

I walked into a couple of streets looking around at my new surroundings, to be honest with you, I had no clue were I was going, some of the streets I walked down seemed dodgy while others seemed like the house I now live in.

Anywhere was better than that house I had moved into.

I started thinking about the little compartment I used to live in with my mom. We never really had enough money, our hearting, our plumbing was never exactly done right. We didn't have what I have been given now, my dad left us with nothing, he took everything.

We lived in poverty, I started my Instagram so I could be an anonymous influencer and make money from modelling and giving opinions, I also worked daily. But, even if we didn't have a thing at least we had each other, when my mum was diagnosed with cancer I couldn't do anything.....I didn't make enough and now, I have nothing.

It was great while it lasted. Before she died I took her to the seaside and she told me to promise that I wouldn't blame myself for this and that she'd always be watching me. I don't know how to live without her, I have no clue how to act as if I have money and a good home it was all too new to me. Now, that I look at these small compartments they remind me of what home was to me, it meant everything to me. Because.....that's where she raised me.

I walked around until I wasn't even near houses anymore, I found myself standing on a boardwalk, how far had I walked? I looked back to find myself alone, I was surrounded by sand, and an ocean.

Had I really been talking to myself in thoughts that I didn't even realise where I was going?

The breeze gave a chill down my spine that it gave me goosebumps, the smell of the salty sea made me relax. I couldn't help but listen as the waves calmed me, I ended up sitting down, letting my feet dangle over the edge of the pier. This whole atmosphere made me think of my mom and what would I do now, that she wasn't here to guide me through life anymore.

I didn't even notice as it got dark, the sunset shined upon me and the only thing that brought me out of my thoughts was my phone that kept buzzing in my pocket. I rushed to take it out to see a spam of messages from my dad and Primrose and to my surprise a couple of calls from my so called brothers.

Where are you? (Primrose)

You should've been home hours ago! (Dad)

Please, pick up I'm worried. (Primrose)

The last text was from Primrose, I looked around and saw that it was now dark. How could I have not noticed? How long have I been here? Now that I think about it, I'm numb from the cold.

Sorry, I lost track of time, I'm fine!

I started to leave, I tried to take the road I went down when I first came here. But, that didn't go well. So I ended up taking a whole different route, I used my light as a torch as the sky started to get even darker and the street lights flashed on.

There were so many roads and so many streets, which ones do I take? Great, I'm lost, I went into my texts sniffing as my nose started to get a little runny.

Um, I'm lost.

I sent to my dad, I got a reply back that they would come looking for me. That I was not to worry, I was just to tell him what I could see.

For some unknown reason my eyes grew watery, I didn't really like it here by myself. But, now that my dad was pretending to care after ignoring me for years, it kinda made me feel better.

Which I guess is really sad.

I see trees, lights and a statue of a man on a horse.

Stay right there, I know where you are.

I shivered, the wind began to blow harder and I got tell my cheeks were flushed because I grew even cooler. A car soon stopped and the window rolled down and I saw my dad and.....Dylan...oh. At this point in time I didn't give two shits.

Before I opened the door I thought I saw the look of concern in the older boy's eyes. It must have been my imagination, I sat in the seat and muttered apologies that were shut down.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, you got lost." My dad says softly. The car was nice and toasty I felt myself sniffle and shook a little, I watched as he drove past all the town lights.

"Where did you go?" Dad asks looking back at me.

"To the seaside.....she loved it there." I emphasised creating thick tension, the older boy in the shotgun seat looked at me in the side mirror. While dad, he looked uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry about that, I really am Jay." Something in me snapped, I glare heatedly out the window.

"I'm very happy to see that you care, now." I said back sarcastically while staring out the window. I could see dad look at me through the mirror as he stopped at a red light.

"Don't start now, Jayden." He grumbles, we meet eyes, I roll mine at him.

"Why, because it's the truth?" I edged, "you got a happy new family,took the money, and left us in poverty! And now that she's dead, you want me to join this family." Dylan clenched his jaw. I shake my head while glaring at the back of my dad's head, "do you have any idea what I went through at school? My guess is that you probably know because if some woman who I've just met knows, that means you do too! My mum was the only reason I haven't killed myself, yet." I continued while tears that I built up poured down my cheeks, "I worked so hard, but still! I didn't make enough! Now, you've invited me into this family you've welcomed yourself into, I'm grateful, really I am. But, she will never be my mother!" I yelled.

Fucking hell, I've always wanted to say this to him.

"You think you can walk out and then want me to forgive you after everything you did to us and forgive you? Just like that. Well, that's not how it works....do better." I didn't even let anyone speak, I just kept my head down ignoring everything.

I wiped my cheeks, and wiped my nose with my sleeves, I felt all the weight coming off of my shoulders. I know that was unexpected, but I really needed to say that to him.

It felt so fucking good.

"Is – is that why you took an overdose?" My dad asked quietly.

He's really caught up in the fact I took a n overdose. I mean it's probably made him realise was a shit dad he truly is.

"It...was an accident, I was at my breaking point.." I whispered, as soon as I get to the house, I'm taking a nap and I'm going to curl into my blanket.

His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he looked back at me with sad eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Please, stop." I said as the car finally stopped, I stepped out before any of them and was welcomed into Primrose's arms.

"I was so worried!" She said checking me over noticing my tear stained cheeks. She let me go on inside, I ignored the other brothers, but I could feel them watching my every move as I walked away to my room.

Pricks.

I walked in and changed into my cute pyjama short set, and grabbed my blanket before laying on top of my quilt. I put my thumb into my mouth and turned away from the door, giving it a gentle suck. I looked up at the glow in the dark stars and sighed.

What the fuck have I done?

Honestly, I could careless if Dylan's going to tell them, let him tell. I don't care about fitting in anymore.

• • •
Edited
Good for Jayden :D

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