When we finished getting what we needed to get done done I hurried out to my car and immediately called Ryan while my heart pounded in the driver's seat. He hadn't reached out to me all day and I could no longer stand the silent treatment.

I'm frustrated when he doesn't answer so I decide to pop by his house. I hate that this argument has gone on this long. This is new territory for both of us and I can't stand the gray area. Is he still mad? Upset? Has he come to his senses and realized I want nothing to do with Rory Cunningham?

Or if he is still mad where do I go from here? I can easily back off the case but what if he no longer trusts me? What if he is reading way too much into the kiss that he feels I somehow wanted Rory to continue to ask me out. Which, if Ryan's been listening in, should be damn near impossible to believe.

When I pull up to his house I don't see his car in the driveway so I continue on to the station.

When I arrive at the gray office building, I circle the lot twice but there are no signs of his truck anywhere. I try his cell again but it clicks straight over to voicemail. I decide to call Austin. Thankfully he answers on the second ring, "What?"

"Ya with Ryan?" I ask trying to keep all emotion from my tone.

"No. He's on an assignment with Ro," he answers and I roll my eyes at the mention of his new partner.

"Any idea when he'll be done?" I ask and I hear ruffling around in the background. I ask again and when I can hear Austin better he finally says, "You broke Ryan."

"Huh? It sounds like you just said I broke Ryan," I repeat.

"Cuz that's what I said. You broke him. I know he's usually quiet but today he's fuming and quiet. It's drivin' all of us mad. And I know you have to be the reason cuz you're the only thing that can get him so spun up," he says accusingly.

Taken back I reply, "He's gotten himself spun up over nothing. He's being insecure and it doesn't flatter him."

"Nah, I'm sure you're the one bein' a pain in the ass. So whatever it is you better apologize cuz I don't want to deal with this version of Ryan all over again tomorrow. He's bein' a bit of a dick."

"Well, how can I apologize if I can't even get a hold of him?" I snap at Austin, annoyed that he's assuming I'm to blame.

"I'll make him go back to his house after he's done, I'll tell him you'll be there," he says and I shake my head, "From the sounds of it, that's not a real appealing reason for him to go on home."

"Fix this Sawyer, he's an F.B.I agent that deals with life and death situations. The man doesn't need to be distracted by his dramatic girlfriend while he's on the job," he replies flatly. I know arguing with Austin will get me nowhere, especially since I know he'll adamantly defend Ryan whether he's right or wrong.

"I'll be at his house," I snap at Austin and he doesn't even say goodbye before hanging up. I realize I just called it his house when technically it's our house now. I didn't even get to enjoy more than a night in it before I was forced back to my old room.

I pull out of the station parking lot once again going over our entire argument. I realize I can apologize for keeping Ryan in the dark about Aurora's plans and for allowing Rory to kiss me, but everything else is up to him. I'm only in this situation because he asked me to be.

After I get to our house I pull a beer from the fridge and attempt to sit patiently on the couch. I try and distract myself with TV but as the clock keeps tickin' the more unfocused I become. I make myself a simple dinner of random stuff he has in the fridge and when the sun finally sets I am on my fourth beer and dessert. At every beam of light that illuminates the street, I glance to the driveway but Ryan's truck is never the source. What is he doing? Why can't he at least call or text me sayin' when he'll be home? Is he late because of work? Is he still out with Aurora? Or is he still fuming and decided to cool off at Mel's? Did Austin tell him I'd be here, waiting for him somewhat patiently until he came home?

Something jolts me awake and when I notice the lights are off I realize I had at some point fallen asleep. Ryan must be home because the TV is off and so are the kitchen lights. I glance at my phone and see it's after midnight. I push myself off the couch and see Ryan draped a quilt over me- which means he can't be so mad at me to where he wants me to freeze but still mad enough that he didn't want to carry me up to bed.

I climb the stairs and from the top step, I can see his light is off. I walk quietly to the doorway and see Ryan's torso lift and fall with each breath. He's passed out like he literally fell into bed. He's crooked on the mattress with his arms up by his head. I decide to leave him be and head back downstairs. I write him a note saying I am going back to my mother's as I needed fresh clothes for work. I leave it on the coffee table before grabbing my keys and leaving.

********

Ryan and I continued to miss each other the entire next day. It isn't until the night before the winery opens that we are able to coordinate dinner. He asked me to come home while I was at work and I managed to bring what I needed for the party with me in case things go well and I actually spend the night.

When I am walking up to the screen door butterflies flood my stomach. I can't remember the last time I've gone this long without seeing or hardly talking to Ryan. We've each had space these past couple of days with plenty of time to think so I am hoping we can finally move forward and enjoy New Year's Eve together. I can't enjoy my grand opening knowing the most important person in my life is mad at me.

I take a deep relaxing breath in and pull the door open. I can instantly smell that he's cooking something so I follow the smell and head towards the kitchen. Ryan's back is to me when I round the corner and I see him jostling a pan back and forth above the stove. I watch him flick his wrist and I swear I see a pancake flip over.

"Thought we were havin' dinner?" I ask lightly with a small smile and he finally turns to face me. His radiant green eyes lock onto mine and the way he's looking at me forces my stomach to flip. His soft expression tells me he's not angry with me and from his smile I can tell he missed me just as much.

"Was cravin' pancakes. Thought we could do breakfast for dinner." I shrug in acceptance and head over to the bar stools.

"Does this mean I should have a mimosa instead of wine then?" I ask with a smirk and he slides a glass of orange juice my way.

"Should be somethin' in the fridge you can mix with that. Maybe a screwdriver if we only have vodka." He says as he slides the golden pancake out of the pan and onto a plate. I push myself off the stool and head to the fridge. I find a bottle of champagne that's been sitting on the shelf since Margot's birthday in November and decide the end of a fight is a good excuse to pop it open. When I spin back around from the fridge Ryan is right in front of me and unexpectedly he throws his hands up to my face and pulls me onto his lips. I struggle to keep a grip on the bottle as I want to drop it down and push my own hands into his hair.

He finally pulls away from me when a pop of bacon grease goes off behind him but I keep his eyes locked on mine as I say, "I'm sorry Ryan. I really am." His eyes dart between mine and he pushes a loose blonde tendril of hair from my eyes. He's about to say something when the bacon pops again. He smiles and turns around to the stove. I put the bottle on the counter and watch as he turns the burners off. The black crew neck he's wearing pulls tightly in all the right places and my eyes travel from his back down to his fitted jeans. I certainly have missed him.

He puts a few pieces of bacon onto a plate along with a stack of pancakes and fruit before placing it where I was just seated. I slide the bottle over to him when he's done fixing his plate up and when he sits down he starts untwisting the silver metal clasp over the cork. I'm waiting for him to say something, anything at this point, and my anxiety that he's not going to apologize for anything makes my hands shake.

He whips me up a mimosa after the cork pop makes me jump and he makes himself one as well. After he slides me mine he raises his up in a toast. I pull mine up as he says, "To us moving forward. I'm sorry I was so insecure about us and lashed out at you when I was really angry with myself. I shouldn't have been so hard on you when I know your heart was in the right place."

A smile takes over my face and I say, "I'm sorry I didn't put faith in you when it came to dealing with Aurora. I really was just trying to help you close this case quickly. I'm sorry our relationship was in jeopardy because of my actions."

He laughs, "I wouldn't say it was in jeopardy."

My face falls as I ask, "Then why did you go silent on me for so long? If you weren't thinking about breaking things off with me why did you let me stay away?"

He drops his glass on the countertop and his eyes move to his hand. He isn't looking at me when he says, "I needed to figure out my own shit. I can't say it's been easy feeling secure in our relationship all the time."

Confused I ask, "What? You know I love you and I hope you can trust me one hundred percent."

He finally flits his eyes back to me and says, "I do. I know. But when I first met you I felt like you could run back to Jackson at any moment and then we had to pretend you were with Tate Samuels who is...well hell I'd date Tate if I was a woman, and then I had to watch you pretend with Rory. I just was anxious you could easily stop pretending, with any of these guys. It's hard to compete with the Hemming's, Samuels and Cunningham's of Hollis sometimes. And then when Rory started talking about how he could help with business connections I was worried you might actually want to start spending time with the guy."

I shake my head, "All those guys were covers put in place by you and Austin. You can't possibly have felt threatened by any of them."

"How could I not? They were realistic covers for a reason. You were engaged to Jackson and he still very much carries a torch for you. You were supposed to go to Philly to meet Tate had it not been for Simon kidnapping you, and if you would have gone out there you'd probably be with him now. And Rory is self-absorbed but he can literally give you the world. You have to see why I struggled a bit with him kissing you and you not telling me," Ryan confesses and I had no idea he thought about any of this.

I reach out and grab his hands in mine, "Ryan I knew all of these guys before I had met you. If anything could have happened it would have happened already. But it didn't because none of those guys are right for me. You are. You gave me a home, a shoulder to cry on. A laugh when I am sad, a hand when I need help. You may not be a professional baseball player or own a stupid plane but you give me your all and that's all I could ever ask for. We're a team and I need you to know I want you and only you." I stick my face toward him and he meets me in the middle to kiss me. I smile after a few moments and he runs his thumb across my cheek. 

"Ryan, I also need to be honest and tell you that I know you can't always tell me work stuff, that you have to keep quiet about that but when you ghost me my mind starts racing and I make myself sick with anxiety. I need you to not shut me out when you get angry," I tell him, the honesty finally being forced into the open.

He sighs, "I'm sorry. This is why I didn't date before, I have a hard time balancing life and work. I always find comfort in my job. I can just shut the rest of the world out and focus on my task. I didn't realize how that looked to you, I'll do better at communicating."

"Thank you. Now, are we okay because this bacon is making my stomach growl," I ask him and he laughs.

"Yes, we are good. Now, tell me if you're all ready to go for tomorrow?" He asks with a smile and in between bites of bacon I fill him in on the past few days. He praises me for being stern with Annabeth and is excited to see how the place has all come together. I tell him I can't wait for the party tomorrow and before we head upstairs he pulls on my hand and says, "There's one more thing we gotta talk about before I go upstairs and take your clothes off."

I look back at him as we linger in the hallway and ask, "What?"

He bites his lip and whatever it is has him reluctant to tell me. I shake my head at him and he finally says, "I'll be at your party tomorrow night, but I ain't comin' as your boyfriend."