I locked myself in my room and let myself ugly cry well into the afternoon. I clutched my dwindling wine bottle in one hand and my comforter with the other while the tears fell down my blotchy puffy face. When my eyes started throbbing, I finally forced myself to end the waterworks but I'm pretty sure my heart is still cracked open in my chest.

I had so much fun with Ryan and he allowed me to be myself. I wasn't held to a higher standard or worried about saying or doing the wrong thing. He let me drink wine, ride horses and he was always a willing dance partner. It took him a while to open up to me but when he did, it was like finding the end of a rainbow. Getting to peek inside his golden soul is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. He cared for me and my last name didn't faze him at all.

He was normal. His family history wasn't gossiped about around town and he didn't have his mother arrange all of his social appearances. It was a welcomed change and I am about to go and ruin it all. I know I have to before he makes a horrible mistake. I'm not worth getting demoted over.

I push myself off my bed and thrust my window up. The brisk fall coolness is creeping into the end of summer air so I grab a sweater from my bed before climbing onto the shingles. I take a few steps away from the window, wine bottle in tow, and plop down a few feet from the roof drop off. I pull my legs under me so I can sit cross-legged and tip the bottle up to my lips. I watch the tree line pull the sun beneath it and I take another long swig before it fully disappears.

I'm not sure where Ryan is and he hasn't been to the house all day. Austin came inside a few minutes after I stormed into my room and when I snuck down to steal a wine bottle, I heard Celia say Austin was passed out in his room. I tried calling Ryan a few more times but I never got an answer. I have no idea where he is or where to look for him.

I continue sulking, while hunched over and drunk on the roof until the crickets come out to sing to me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in. A noise behind me startles me and I swing around to face my window. I watch as my bedroom light turns on and I see Ryan in the doorway. My heart becomes thunderous in my chest and I feel like my nerves might make me throw up. He smiles to me and my stomach flips. I've had to politely decline guys in the past but I've never had to break up with someone I love. I watch as he climbs out of the window and his face falls when he reads mine.

"What's wrong Sawyer? Have you been crying?" He asks as he sits down next to me. I immediately avoid eye contact but he reaches out and touches my face. When I open my mouth to answer, I realize I am far drunker than I thought. I slightly slur, "I'm fine." He grabs the wine bottle from my hand and holds it up to the light. He swings it and sees it's empty.

"What has you getting drunk on the roof? What's wrong?"

Still avoiding him, I answer, "I heard about Simon."

"Yeah, we caught him last night. Had to do a shitload of paperwork and enter in a massive amount of evidence. Then I had to brief the bigwigs about the win for our task force. It's been a hectic twenty-four hours." When I don't respond Ryan keeps talking, "I'm sorry I didn't call, my phone died and with me being in meetings, I had no time to charge it. Austin said he was going to fill you in though."

I nod, "He did." I can feel Ryan looking at me and he finally pulls my chin toward him. I move it out of his fingertips stubbornly and he says, "What? Are you mad at me? Did something happen while I was gone?" I twist my hands together in my lap as I stare at them, refusing to look in his direction. He's still staring at me and he's getting frustrated with my lack of response.

"Sawyer? What's wrong? I can hardly get you to shut up most days so when you're silent like this, it's scary." I shake my head and finally look to him. I can tell he's exhausted by the slight puff surrounding his green eyes. His sandy-colored hair is messy and there's hardly any color to his pretty face. I watch his eyes dart between mine as I ask, "So when do you go back to South Carolina?" I watch confusion flicker across his face before responding, "Oh, is this what you are upset about? That I'm going to have to go home?" I look back to my shaking hands and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Look Sawyer, I know we haven't talked at length about what would happen when we close this case but I think I've thought of something that could work." I look to him and he continues, "I spoke with the Captain and he says there could be room for me in Oxford, which is less than an hour from here."

"As a special agent?" I hopefully ask but I watch his face slightly fall.

"Not a special agent in what I'm doing now per se, but still a job in the F.B.I."

I shake my head, "No Ryan. I'm sorry but I won't let you take a job here," I say. "What would you do? The Carmichaels are the biggest case Hollis has ever seen. You'd be investigating stupid things here- cats stuck in trees, stolen tires, missing library books." Ryan gives a light laugh despite my harsh tone.

"Sawyer the F.B.I would hardly handle those cases. There are a ton of things that go on in this region they could use me for."

"Would you be in the field? Would Austin be your analyst?" He looks away from me with a slight shake of his head.

"No, I would be more of an analyst at first. I'd have to work my way up again. I'm sure Austin wants to go back to South Carolina anyway." I shake my head more furiously this time as I look at him.

"No, no I'm sorry but no. You can't do that." Ryan still looks confused.

"What do you mean? Why not? I could live close enough to you and we could make this work. I thought you'd be thrilled to hear I was staying close."

"Of course I'm thrilled you'd be willing to, but I would never let you do that. You can't give up your title for me. I won't let you." He tries to grab my hand but I stubbornly snatch it away from him.

"Why are you being like this, Sawyer? It's my decision and I'm happy with it."

"For now, you are Ryan. But there's no guarantee we are going to work. And then what? You give up everything to come here and it blows up in your face? You've worked too hard to just throw it all away over some girl." I watch as his jaw drops slightly and he snaps, "You are more than just some girl Sawyer. You cannot possibly think I'd make a decision like this over someone I didn't truly care about or someone I didn't see a future with." I use the back of my hand to erase the tear that managed to escape as I harshly ask, "Did you not hear my mother's list of compelling reasons as to why our relationship is such a wretched idea? Apparently, royals still can't marry anyone other than a royal. This princess can't marry a pauper and you will never be anything other than a peasant in my mother's eyes."

"Oh, come on Sawyer. You don't play into that Hollis hierarchy bullshit. Don't act like you truly care about your mother's opinion. She shouldn't have the final word on who you spend your future with." I know he's not going to back down. That he's already made up his mind but it's a decision I can't let him live with. It's too much pressure for both of us. Austin would hate me and Ryan would eventually resent me. I know I am going to have to say things I can't take back and I know I'm going to have to lie. It's the only way for him to let me go.

I stare at him and with a fiery hatred I lash out, "That's the problem Ryan. I don't see a future with you. You were a rebound from Jackson who was supposed to go away in a few months. I never intended to have anything more than a fling with you. You heard my mother; she'd never allow me to marry you and quite frankly, you couldn't afford Hollis on your lousy salary. I'm sure as hell not going to live in some apartment in Oxford." Ryan's eyes widen at the vile things spewing out of my mouth but I force myself to stand up. I sway slightly and he still puts a hand out to steady me, despite me being a downright asshole. He looks to me and snaps, "Why are you being like this? This isn't you, Sawyer. You don't care about that stuff. Everything I have learned about you has been about how much you love your freedom from your mother's expectations now that your engagement ended. And, it's not like I make pennies, I can provide enough for you. We'd hardly be slummin' it." I shake my head, I'm a horrible person but I know I have to end things.

"You'd never be enough for me Ryan. Let's be honest, our relationship was based on sex, that's all. We've never even gone on a real date. We liked to screw and now that's over. Go back to South Carolina and forget about all this. I know I'm going to." I start walking toward my window but Ryan grabs my arm.

"I don't know why you are lying to me and yourself. On the drive back from Tullahoma you said you were praying that our task force would be extended indefinitely. What's going on with you? This isn't you."

I scoff, "How would you know? You've known me for what? A minute?"

"I know you, Sawyer, stop it! I'm in love with you and none of this...bullshit is going to change my mind," he says forcefully and I can feel his hand shake as he holds onto my arm. I look down to his grip and back to him. I have one final blow that might nail my coffin shut and I decide to use it.

"Last night I went to the grand opening and got kind of drunk, Ryan. I fooled around with Tate. If I really loved you, I wouldn't have done that." My voice catches and I bite my lip to suppress a sob. His grip drops from my arm and I turn away from him before he sees my lip quivering. My disgusting lie finally silenced him. He looks to me but I refuse to look back at him. I look to my open window but all I see is a cage waiting for me on the other side.

I can't be stuck inside those confining four walls knowing Ryan is hurting on the other side, so I take off down the side of the house to where the trellis sits. I pray my alcohol-filled body won't trip on a shingle and send me tumbling off the roof. Ryan doesn't say anything else to me as I clumsily climb down the wooden board and I dash across my backyard with tears spilling down my face.