Another week later, a week away from the state championships, I can't seem to tear my gaze away from the kitchen clock. I'm supposed to leave for Maya's any minute now, but I need to wait until her dad goes to work, and that should take another thirty minutes before the coast is clear.

For now, I'll have to eat my cereal quickly in order to get out of here before witnessing another Maddie and Cameron smooch fest.

Gross.

My hope is crushed when Cameron strides into the kitchen and opens up our fridge to grab the milk. I don't know why the action bothers me, because it never used to, but he's not wearing a shirt, and just knowing he came from Maddie's room irritates the hell out of me.

I mean, my parents didn't even care that he was in her room! As long as they kept the door open, they were able to do whatever they pleased. It's such bullshit.

"Hey." Cameron says unevenly, shifting his weight as he grabs a box of fruity pebbles.

I nod and stare back down into my bowl, swirling my spoon around and around in circles. I'm not even hungry anymore.

"Can we-"

"Gotta go." I mutter harshly, and after I dump my bowl into the sink, even though I know it's wrong, I'm out the door before he can stop me.

————

I'm trying to shake off the awkward interaction with Cameron as I drive to Maya's house, but I can't. I'm gripping the steering wheel with so much force that I fear it might break off, and I'm so deep in thought that I haven't even bothered to turn on the radio.

I know I'm overreacting, I can feel it, but I'm not sure when I won't be weirded out. Maddie seemed to accept Maya and I with open arms, but she hasn't had to be around us hardly at all unless we're in school. Maya didn't want to make Maddie upset, so I always drove to her house, and I know that I could fix all of this if I could just get over myself.

Parking into the familiar sand spot a block away from her house, I walk down the road, peeking around the corner to make sure her dad isn't home. His civic isn't in the driveway, so I continue down the path until I reach her trailer.

It's hot as hell outside, and I wish I had changed out of my sweatshirt and sweatpants when I finally reach her window. I'm about to knock until I hear rustling from the other side of the trailer.

My eyes grow wide when I see her father grabbing the lawn mower out of their shed. It's no use hiding — he can see me clear as day trying to get into his daughter's window. Almost instantly, I watch as his eyes narrow.

"Qué diablos crees que estás haciendo, Ethan?" TRANSLATION: "hey, what the hell do you think you're doing, Ethan?"

Oh my god, I have no idea what he's saying, but he sounds pissed. Yup, he's definitely pissed when he flings the mower to the side and starts shouting. Why is he still here? His car isn't in the driveway. I thought he was gone.

Just then, Maya opens up her window, and as soon as she lays eyes on me, her eyes bug out of her head. "Ethan, why are you here?" She shrieks, and then she looks up at her father. "Papá, t-te lo puedo explicar." TRANSLATION: "dad, I-I can explain."

"Explicar me qué? Explicar me cómo estás metiendo a escondidas a un chico en la casa? Que se vaya. ¡Ahora mismo!" TRANSLATION: "Explain what? Explain how you're sneaking a boy into the house? Get rid of him. Now."

"Papá, si tan solo me dejas explicar- TRANSLATION: "dad, if you'll just let me explain-"

"Esto no va a pasar. Dile adiós. ¡Ahora!" Her father is definite with his tone, and I wish I knew what he was saying to her more than anything. From the looks of it, it's not good because she's crying. TRANSLATION: "Now. This isn't going to happen. Tell him goodbye."

"No, please." She whimpers, and this time it's in English.

I watch as she disappears from the window, and when her father inches closer to me, I take a couple of steps back. Maya is outside now, panting breathlessly with tears in her eyes. I'm helpless in this situation because I don't understand it, and suddenly I begin to see where her parents might be coming from--how complicated this would be if we were to start dating, but it still doesn't change my opinion about wanting to be with her. I just wish I could rewind and re-do the last five minutes.

He's still storming across the yard towards me, and I hold my breath when Maya steps in front of me. "Por favor." She says with a chortled sob. "Lo amo. Por favor." TRANSLATION: "Please. I love him. Please."

Fuck, what is she saying? And why did her dad get so pissed that his nostrils are flaring? He whirls his head around mid-walk, and when he stares at the two of us, I can see where she got her eyes from. When she's mad, her eyes get that same color of brown-- so dark they're almost black. "Tu no sabes lo que es amor. Todavía estas joven. Lo único en lo que debes concentrarte es en tus estudios. No tienes tiempo para chicos, especialmente no uno como él." TRANSLATION: "You don't know what love is. You're young. The only thing you should be focused on is your studies. You don't have time for boys, especially not one like him."

Her father is a terrifying man. He's at least six feet tall, an unruly beard going down to his chest with wrinkles that tell me he's had to deal with a lot of shit in his lifetime. I gulp loudly, also trying not to focus on how jacked he is when he moves Maya to the side and towers over me. "Go." He hisses through gritted teeth.

"Ethan." Maya swipes more tears off her face, breaking my heart into two. "You need to go, okay? Just let me talk to him alone."

Not an ounce of me wants to leave her like this. She's crying, and her father couldn't care less, but what would I rather have happen? Comfort her and have her dad despise me, or leave her like she's asking for us to have any shot in hell at being together?

How in the hell did this happen? We didn't even get the chance to see where this would go. We just started, and I had to fuck it up by coming over too early? Why didn't I just take my phone out and call her? Try to reach out to her? I lost the one good thing to ever happen to me, and it's all my fucking fault. I will never, ever forgive myself.

I know I've already lost her because it doesn't look like her dad is changing his mind anytime soon, but I still say, "Call me later. Please."

________

When I got home, I ate dinner as quickly as I could and hadn't left my room since. I've been sitting in the same spot on my bed playing the game for hours wondering how the hell I've gotten so unlucky. Maya hasn't called, and I'm assuming that's because her parents took her phone away. What was I expecting though? Of course, she's going to listen to them. As she said, they uprooted their entire lives in order for her to have a better future, and I'm getting in the way of that. I wouldn't expect her to choose me when there are much bigger factors aside from me.

Still, it doesn't take the aching feeling away in my chest. I've been trying not to have a panic attack since I got here, but my heart is beating rapidly, my palms are sweating, and I feel like I can't breathe.

When will one thing go right in my life for once?

Suddenly, Maddie bursts into my room looking pissed off-- her arms crossed over her chest and a brow raised. What if I had been in a full-blown attack? I'm damn near on the edge of one, and the last thing I need is for her to see me like that.

"What the hell?" I sneer. "Knock much?"

"I don't care about knocking." She replies and takes two more steps forward into my room. "This is ridiculous, Ethan. You haven't spoken to either of us since you've found out. When are you going to get over it?"

She looks around my room in disapproval. There are water bottles and clothes cluttering every inch of my carpet, but that annoys me even more. I'm fucking depressed, and yet still, nobody has pieced it together. I don't have the fucking energy to clean my room. I don't have the energy to do anything.

I wish she understood how much I'm dealing with, I really do. Maybe then she wouldn't be attacking me right now. She doesn't know about mom and dad. She doesn't have panic attacks. Maddie is the golden child, and now she has the perfect relationship. I'm so fucking mad, and I hate that I'm angry, but I can't help myself. I just lost the one girl who has ever meant something to me, and it's made me bitter.

"I'm never going to get over it!" I explode. "When are you going to get that?"

Taking two more steps, she strips the controller from my hands and flings it onto the carpet. I've never seen her this angry before. "How the hell is this any different from you dating Maya? This is exactly the same thing!"

Again, she's wrong. I don't treat women the way that Cameron does, and I know my sister thinks that he and I are the same, but we aren't. Not by a long shot. It's easy for Maya to tell me that Cameron has changed and that I should see him in a different light, but I've seen him for who he is. I'm his best friend. Am I supposed to just magically forget all of those times he's used girls and forgotten them like they were nothing? Tiara Porter, tenth grade, fucked her at a party and then told the school she made the whole thing up that following Monday. What about Sarah Maxwell? When he showed her nudes to the entire locker room without her consent? Were they there for that? I have every right to be reluctant. I have every right to be protective. This is my sister, and she needs to know the truth.

Standing up from the bed, I tower over her and say, "This isn't some fucking friend of mine from the football team. You met Maya in an art class back in middle school. This is someone you probably won't even be friends with when you get to college. The guy you chose to fuck has been my best friend since diapers. Our parents are best friends. He's my brother, and he was basically yours too! Which is god damn disgusting!"

She lets out a muffled sob. "I don't get why you can't just be happy for us! Why? Why are you so-"

"Because he's going to hurt you!" I scream. "You don't get it. Cameron isn't the relationship type, Maddie. He's not. As much as he's telling you that, he's lying. I've known him for years. I joked around about the mystery girl because yeah, I was surprised he was messing around with someone for longer than a week, but I didn't think it was serious because he doesn't do serious things."

As soon as tears prick the backs of her eyes, I lower my voice. "Cam is going off to college, and do you honestly think he's not going to find someone else? Do you really think this will last between you guys? This is so much more than you guys. If you get more serious and for some reason, Cam actually decides you're the one and you break up, our friendship will be over. I won't be able to see him anymore because it'll be awkward as fuck. That is what you're not understanding, Maddie."

She's not saying anything. Instead, she's breathing heavily, fists clenched at her sides as she tries to retain all the information.

"I'm not doing this to be a dick," I explain. "I'm doing this because I care about you both and can see where this is heading. We're going our separate ways in under a year, and while Maya and I decided on community college here, Cam is going to get a scholarship somewhere, and what's your plan then? Follow him around? Throw your dreams away to chase him? Or vice versa? Make him give up his dreams for you?"

The community college thing hasn't been something I've mentioned to my parents or Maya, but I'm pretty sure it's what I'm going to do. Well, I'm still not sure. Before I wanted to stay close to Maya, doing exactly what I'm telling Maddie not to do right now, but I need to listen to my own advice because look what the hell happened! I'm heartbroken. I shouldn't have made these stupid plans to begin with.

Maddie is crying softly, and it stabs me straight in the chest. I hate seeing my sister cry, but it's something she needed to be told. Dating each other's best friends is getting messy as hell, and as much as she wants to deny it, she knows it's the truth.

Gently grabbing onto her wrists I say, "I didn't mean to make you cry, I just..."

Her phone vibrates in her phone, and when she removes it from her pocket she blinks a few times, wiping away the remainder of her tears. "Excuse me," She mutters, and she's out the door in seconds.

A/N:

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! omggggggg. I'm dying. Maya said she loved him and he had no idea!!!

MY HEART.

what did you guys think?!

Please comment and vote!!!

SEE YOU THURSDAY :)

Twitter: believeeexoxo

Instagram: deannafaison_

TikTok: authordeannafaison