I thought Maya was joking when she said she was going to wear tight clothing just for me on this family trip, but when I saw her show up to our house in a tank top and short shorts I truly almost died. It's not like she was revealing too much or anything, and it's not like it would be obvious if someone else were to see her. To someone else she'd just look like a girl that dressed for the weather. It was almost ninety degrees outside, the desert heat practically sweltering.

But I saw the way the tank top clung onto her breasts, the breasts I saw last weekend. I let my eyes linger over the belly button piercing that my tongue swirled around, desperately trying to do anything to stop myself from taking her right then and there.

Thankfully my parents interrupted though as soon as she walked through the door, my dad taking her bags from her to put them in our trunk of the minivan. It's funny that nobody else realized that my parents weren't getting along, and maybe if I didn't know what had really happened between them then I might have not noticed it either, but my mom was practically blaring her music to drown out his voice the entire ride to the Grand Canyon. Every single time he tried to say something she'd just hum along to the tune of the song, acting as if everything was perfect while I tried to do whatever I could not to turn around and look at Maya, who slept damn near the whole way.

Coming to the Grand Canyon as a kid seemed so much cooler than it does now, and a part of me misses that. I miss being a kid. I miss having everything seem so exciting. I didn't worry about school, and I didn't worry about what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't have a care in the world, and now I've got about a million things on my mind at all times. It's exhausting. Sometimes I just want to travel back in time and stand in front of the canyon again for the first time, completely in awe that the world could make such a beautiful landscape.

The air bnb my parents rented had an insanely beautiful view of the canyon. It must have cost them a fortune, and as I shade my eyes to look up at all of the steps leading up to the wooden patio, I spot a hot tub glimmering in the sunlight, and immediately I think about Maya in her string bikini. Did she bring it?

It's been so hard not to talk to her. Lately we've been talking all the time now whenever Maddie isn't around her, and it's becoming harder and harder just to act like she's my sister's best friend. She's so much more to me than that, and it's killing me not to show it. I feel like I'm hiding her when all I want to do is shout from the rooftops that I kissed her. That there's a chance she could actually be mine one day.

Everyone heads up the steps to go inside, but Maya grabs onto my arm to have me stay back. "Guess I might be able to wear that string bikini after all, huh?" She smirks that damn cocky grin when she notices how much she's getting to me, and I sigh in frustration, taking her bag from her hands so that she doesn't have to carry it up the steps.

__________

"And you carried her bag for her I see." Cameron mocks. "You're already whipped and she's not even yours yet."

I'm too busy unpacking my duffel bag to listen to his nonsense, and I'm also wanting this conversation to end so that Maya doesn't hear. Maddie and her are staying in the bedroom right across the hall. The last thing I need is for her to know just how into her I am. I'll scare her off for good.

Shrugging, I finish putting away the last of my boxers into the dresser and plop down onto the bed. "Maybe I am whipped." I admit. "I don't even care anymore at this point."

He doesn't get it. Cameron is on so many girls at once that he would never understand how I'm feeling. He's never been in love before. He doesn't know what it means to not stop thinking about someone no matter how hard you try. Maybe that does make me whipped, but if being whipped means that I feel like I'm on cloud fucking nine then I'll be whipped every day of the week. I don't care.

I'm expecting him to tease me about what I just said since he never misses the opportunity to roast me, but instead he tosses his duffel bag onto the ground and sits down onto the edge of the bed. "You don't think you should at least talk to her about how you're feeling?" He suggests. "Maya is into you, man. It's clear as day. I think Maddie would understand that you just want to be happy, and if that means it's with her best friend I don't think she'd care. It might be a little awkward at first, but don't you think she'd get over it eventually?"

He has a point, but it's much more complicated than that. If I tell Maya how I honestly feel then I'm going to need to come clean about everything. I don't want to start whatever the hell it is we're doing until I tell her that I'm a virgin. Not that I've technically lied to her before because she's never asked if I've slept with someone, she just assumed, but still. I want to be up front and tell her about everything. I don't want any secrets to come back and bite me in the ass.

"Look," Cameron adds and stands up from the bed, facing me directly. "Why don't you just ask them to go hiking with us or something tomorrow? Get some time alone with her, you know? Then maybe you'll be able to finally tell her how you feel about her."

Who is this? The Cameron I know would never tell me to actually try to pursue something serious with her. The Cameron I know would tell me to fuck her to get it out of my system, not try to set up some romantic date with her to get her alone.

"Are you okay?" I smirk and inspect him like he just got into an accident or something. "Did you fall and hit your head?"

"No." He laughs. "I'm just tired of you being miserable all the time. You've been in love with Maya for years, man, and I tried to act like I didn't see it, but now it's almost impossible not to notice it. You need to do something about it before Maddie finds out and tells her first."

He's right. He's one hundred percent right. I guess that's why I have nothing to say as I watch him pick out his outfit for tonight. He always knows exactly what to wear. I mean, he's never had a problem before since he could wear basically anything and have it look good, but I've never been that way. I don't have an eight pack, and I'm certainly not built like Cameron is. I have a little pudge where my abs should be, and granted, girls might not even notice it, but I do. I've compared myself to Cameron since we got into high school. If Maya and I have another make out session and it leads to me getting undressed, would she like what she saw?

The thought is eating away at me, shooting my anxiety through the roof yet again. Rather than contemplate it anymore though I decide to take Cameron's advice for once, leaving him to pick out his outfit and patting his shoulder out of appreciation as I pass by.

It's funny, because walking across the hall I had everything planned out on what I was going to say. I was confident and fully prepared with the plans I had already made up for us to do, but now that I've opened up the door to their room I'm just standing here like an idiot, all previous thoughts seeming to evaporate completely from my head.

And then I look at Maya standing beside her bed, my eyes being drawn to a neon green thong sprawled out on her bed. Good god. I can just imagine what she would look like in that. Her tan skin would be gleaming against that color. I can be a gentleman about many things, but of course Maya's body has been on my mind since I've seen it, and of course I'm still imagining what her ass looks like. I know it's unreal. I know it's going to look fucking incredible. Especially in that thong.

I'm still standing here like an idiot as they wait for me to say something, and from the look on Maya's face I can tell that she knows exactly what I'm thinking. It's almost a look of victory— like she knows she's winning at this game of teasing. She is. She's definitely winning.

"We were talking about what we wanted to do this weekend and saw that there were some pretty cool trails along the canyon. Do you guys want to come with us?" I blurt out, my words all rushed to try and stop myself from being so nervous. The plan seems low-key enough to where Maddie won't suspect anything, and it's not too much pressure for Maya and I. It's perfect.

"You're actually including us in your plans?" Maddie laughs, and I actually want to strangle her. I'm embarrassed and nervous enough as it is. The last thing I need is for her to make fun of me right now.

"I think..." Maya elbows Maddie in the side, sending me a tiny grin. "That sounds like fun."

Good. So she wants to go. Not that I think she'd say no after what's happened between us, but it's a fear. Any day now I think she'll wake up and realize it was a mistake to kiss me. That it was a mistake to say she wanted to continue to see where this goes. I don't want to lose her.

"Okay." I nod, and I'm so fucking nervous that I find myself drumming my fingertips against the doorway. "Cool."

"Okay, bye." Maddie says awkwardly, and I can't be certain, but it's almost like she knows I'm flirting with Maya. She's got that grin on her face that she always has when she's hiding something.

"Sorry." I scratch the back of my head, trying to think of something to make this conversation less awkward. "I thought you guys would want to hang out with us. That's all."

"If I have to." She practically groans in disgust. "We're going to go and get ready for dinner."

Maddie shuts the door in my face, and in seconds I hear Cameron snickering behind me. I didn't even realize he had moved to the living room couch, which has a perfect view of the embarrassing scene that just unraveled in front of him.

"Shut up." I warn.

"Oh, I didn't say anything." He says with a smug grin, and then he covers his mouth with his hand to try and hide it. "But if I were to say something then I'd say that was the corniest fucking thing I've ever seen, bro."

Racing over towards him, I pick up a pillow and smack him upside the head with it, doing it repeatedly until we're belly gut laughing. I know that he's been distant with me lately, but I can already tell that we're back to normal and it's only been a couple hours. Maybe time away from mystery girl really was all that we needed for our friendship.

Maybe I'll actually thank my mom for putting together this stupid fucking trip in the first place.

A/N:

Sooooo...I think we all know what chapter comes next, right??????? ;)

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Also, if you're looking for something to read in the meantime, don't forget that I have my new story posted! It's called The Feeling Checklist :)

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