Thankfully when Cameron said party he didn't mean the whole senior class. Instead it was just a small get together with me, him, Jennifer, Sadie, and two of our teammates from the football team.

Jennifer supplied the beer, and it wasn't hard to realize that Cameron's piece of gossip was correct. She's been all over me tonight, sitting in my lap and all in just a little mini skirt and a top that hardly covers her breasts.

To any other guy Jennifer would be the perfect candidate for a one night stand. She's not relationship material, and even she admits that. With blonde hair and blue eyes, she's the picture perfect American girl, but she's also the complete opposite of Maya. The complete opposite of the girl I've fantasized about for years.

A random rap song is blaring loudly through the speakers, and Jennifer starts to run her fingers through my hair, placing my hand onto her ass. I'm a guy, and of course having not done anything with a girl makes it almost impossible to not give it a squeeze, so I end up doing so. I mean, hell, she's the one that put my hand there, right?

Cameron is sitting across from me, eyeing Sadie like she's a damn piece of meat. I watch him check out her tits, and then her ass before she blushes, feeding right into his ego. Don't get be wrong, he's my best friend, but he can also be a complete and utter dick.

I'm about to reach for another beer, but suddenly the patio door swings open, Maddie glaring at all of us with her arms crossed in front of her chest. She looks like a helicopter parent rather than a high school student, and honestly it's kind of comical.

Then she snaps her fingers at the music, so I let out a sigh and shut it off. I already know what she's about to say, so I can't hide the smile threatening to fall on my face. "Yes, Maddie?" I ask.

"I'm trying to study." She says irritatingly, and almost instantly everyone around me starts to laugh. Did she honestly just say that?

My sister is many things, but fun wouldn't be an adjective that I'd use to describe her. Ever since she got into high school she became such a nerd, and it's not always a bad thing, but I can tell from the look on her face right now that she's embarrassed, so I'm going to try and save her ass.

Leaning over into the cooler, I grab a beer and pass it over to her. "Why don't you have a drink? Maybe then you won't be such a bore."

Jennifer lets out the tiniest of a laugh, and granted, the last part of my previous sentence wasn't the nicest, but she is being a fucking bore right now. She needs to lighten up a bit. I don't care if she has a beer. I'm here, so it's not like anything would happen to her.

"Mads has always been a bore." Cameron smirks and flickers his eyes to hers, teasing her just in the way we always do.

Completely ignoring him, she sets the beer back into the cooler and looks at me again. "I'm just asking if you can turn it down. That's it."

I'm about to say that I will before Cameron adds, "We'll try not to be such a bore."

I can visibly see Maddie tense, and her eyes narrow when Sadie falls directly into his lap and starts to play with his hair. It's kind of sad actually how much we've grown apart since middle school. The three of us used to do everything together, but then Cameron and I discovered girls, and football, and Maddie just kind of split off. Now it's just this horrible hatred between them — one that I have no idea why it came about to begin with.

"You want to join too?" Cameron glances down at his lap and then cocks his head to the side as he stares at her, and I immediately feel the blood begin to boil under my skin. He's taking it too far.

"Cam, that's my sister." I begin to say, but I'm cut off with a horrible, gut-wrenching laugh.

"As if I'd ever go for Mads." He huffs. "Don't worry, bro. She's like my sister too. I was just kidding."

I wasn't worried about him being serious about it. I know he wouldn't go for her, but can't he see that he's taking it too far? It looks like she's about to cry, and although I like to tease her here and there, she's ultimately my sister. I'm not going to let him sit there and make fun of her.

"Alright." I clear my throat, trying to ignore the way that Jennifer's baby pink nails are rubbing on my skin right now. "I'll turn it down. It's fine."

Without another word she storms back inside the house, leaving all of us alone again as Cameron leans over and immediately turns the music back on, turning it down only ever so slightly.

"Why'd you have to be such a dick to her?" I ask him.

"Oh, come on, Ethan. It's Maddie. She knows this is how I am."

"Little siblings are sooo annoying." Jennifer adds. "My little brother pisses me off all the time." And then she rubs her hands down my chest just as I see Cameron clear his throat, pulling Sadie into an intense make out session.

It seems like Jennifer wants me to do the same thing, but I'm so fucking nervous. Of course I've made out with girls before, but Jennifer isn't a girl that wants to just kiss. I know that. If it goes further am I going to do this? Should I?

I've always pictured it to be Maya. I wanted to grow a pair of balls so badly and ask her out, but every single time I thought I had the courage I'd think of Maddie, and then I'd feel like shit for even thinking of making a move on her.

Cameron seems to be getting a little too worked up, eventually moving his eyes away from Sadie to stare back at the house.

"Guest room." I laugh, and that seems to be all he needs to hear. With all the confidence in the world he drags her into the house, leaving my heart feeling like it's going to completely burst out of my chest.

"I say we go to your room." Jennifer whispers, placing a gentle kiss right to the side of my neck. It takes everything I have not to moan.

Am I really planning on going my entire high school years without going past first base? I need to just man up and do it already.

"Yeah. Come on." I say, and I try to emulate Cameron and drag her inside to go up to my room. Thankfully I had the decency to pick it up so it's not a complete mess, but Jennifer doesn't even seem to look at my room at all. Instead she pushes me towards the bed until I fall backwards and land on my back.

"You're so damn sexy." She laughs and grabs hold of the band of my sweatpants, tugging harshly at it. I'm already as hard as a rock.

I'd never tell her that I'm a virgin. I'm going to make it seem like I've done this a thousand times before. Cameron has told me enough about his past conquests that I think I should be able to fake it.

"I've been wanting to fuck you for years." She grins, and again, it feels like my heart is pounding as loud as a drum.

Sometimes I get so anxious that I go into complete shock, and sometimes it feels like the room closes in on me. Right now it feels like the start of it, so I put my hand out to stop her and send her the fakest smile I can muster up. I'm not ready to go all the way. I want to take this slow, so instead I say, "I don't waste my dick on just any girl."

It's horrible, I know, but Jennifer seems to eat it up.

"And what does that mean?" She smiles and grasps onto my dick over my sweatpants, and my god it feels good as hell. "You're going to make me earn it?"

"That's exactly what I mean." I say sternly, and I don't know how I'm sounding like I'm not about to combust, but somehow I'm able to keep composure as I sit up to take off my sweatpants and boxers.

I'm naked for the first time from the waist down in front of a girl, and I'm grateful that she seems impressed. She has a tiny smile on her face as she sinks to her knees, and what she does next knocks the wind completely out of my body.

My dick is in her mouth, and the feel of her tongue is exquisite. I run my hands over my face to try and not moan, eventually thrusting into her mouth to try and feel more of the pleasure. She takes it all, running her tongue all over me.

"Holy shitttt." I drag out and prop myself up on my elbows to stare at her. She's never losing eye contact with me for a second, and I feel my climax building all too quickly.

Fuck.

Not yet.

But then she gags, and the feeling of all of that spit of hers pushes me over the edge. My body stills, and she seems shocked at first, but she doesn't complain. She swallows all of me completely, pulling away to wipe the remainder off of her lips. "Am I really that good?" She laughs.

She has no idea that was my first blowjob, and I plan on keeping it that way.

"Guess so." I shrug. "Sorry. If you want I could..." and then I stop, because I honestly don't know if I should do anything to her. It'll be obvious as hell that I'm a virgin.

"Save it for next time." She winks, and then she leans over to give me a kiss. "Tomorrow night? Kelsey's house? Her parents are out of town and she's throwing a party."

"I'll see if I can make an appearance." I shrug, trying not to seem too eager.

Standing up from the carpet, she fixes her skirt and wipes at her mouth again before she heads for my door. She doesn't want to stay and talk, she doesn't want to just... hang out. It seems like she wants to leave, and I don't know why I begin to feel used?

I shouldn't, because I used her technically, right? But for my first time doing something sexually I thought it would be more intimate than this. I thought I'd have feelings for the girl. For whatever reason it's almost like an experience got robbed from me.

"I think you'll want to make an appearance." She says with a tiny grin. "Bye Ethan."

The door to my bedroom closes behind her, and I'm left with the biggest annoyance I've probably ever felt. I'm being pulled in two different directions. I'm acting like a fucking girl. I just got an incredible blowjob from someone who literally didn't expect a damn thing in return, yet I'm feeling unsatisfied?

Sliding my boxers back on, I try to ignore the crippling anxiety that seems to eat away at me and shut the light off beside my bed.

I don't want to go back down to the party, I don't care who's left downstairs, all I want to do is just go the fuck to sleep and contemplate why I have to have feelings. Why can't I just be like Cameron and have fun? Have it not be serious?

It can't seriously be because I'm still longing for a girl that will never be able to be mine, right?

Oh, for fucks sake.

I really need to get a grip.

A/N:

HAPPY MONDAY !!

I love writing this in Ethan's POV! There is so much to his character that I just can't wait to release to you guys!

Also, it's so funny to read how much of a dick Cameron used to be lmaoooo

What did you think?!

Please comment & vote!!!

SEE YOU THURSDAY :)

Twitter: believeeexoxo
Instagram: deannafaison_
TikTok: authordeannafaison