so uh
well
i got a few things to say here
imma list em and then talk about them in that order?

1. ash definitely doesn't like me confirmed
2. my grades suck
3. my life sucks

aight on with nUmBeR oNe

1. alright kiddos imma tell you the story of how a pretty girl broke my heart with 7 words
i was in art class with ash and we were talking to our other friend, [name undisclosed], about something i don't remember lmao
and at one point she (ash) said something and i said "fuck you" (iN a pLaToNiC wAy oK?!) in response and she said "No, i don't like you like that."
my heart kinda did a lil "bOoP" down onto the top of my stomach or whatever
we didn't talk too much after that
my heart didn't actually break until like later when i fully processed everything
i just kinda cried a bit because i had to suppress my tears
(don't attack her y'all, it's not her fault, i'm just an unlovable piece of trash, it's ok that she doesn't like me...)
i'll touch on why i'm an unlovable piece of trash later

2. so my grades suck
it's my fault in all honesty, i haven't been doing my work and i haven't been completing all of my big projects...
it's my fault that i have a 60 in geometry, a 77 in civics, and an 85 or smth in spanish
i'm so disappointed in myself that there's no room for my parents to be disappointed in me and honestly it's a miracle they don't know yet

i'm a fuck up and a disappointment, i know
i'm so stupid and i can't seem to do the simplest of things and honestly i wouldn't be surprised if the art high school that accepted me rejects me soon
haha fml

3. now, to touch on why i'm an unlovable piece of trash and why life sucks.
throughout my life, every time i have a crush on someone, they always end up not liking me back. first grade, no. second through fifth, hah nO. sixth through seventh, abso-fuckin-lutely not. even though me and him were friends in sixth. i thought this time it would be different. my crush is a girl, a raging lesbian, and my friend. i have some high ass chances, right? again. no. even with the highest possible possibility for love, it still doesn't happen. why? who the fuck knows. i don't, that's for sure. i don't get it. what about me is so unattractive to people? why do people always seem to hate me more than love me? why do they always leave me so soon? why can i never keep anyone for more than 3 years?! WHY AM I SUCH AN UNLOVABLE PIECE OF SHIT?!

i...
i don't get it.
why.
why does no one like me?!
WHAT ABOUT ME IS SO UNLIKABLE.
everyone except my parents and brother (because they can't because personal morals and physical inability) always leaves me after like a year! the only one who's stayed my friend for more than 3 years is tori/milo/drew, and we stopped being close after 6th until this year!
my three-person friend group left me in sixth.
my old crush/friend left in seventh.
morgan left me this year.
what's next, my now-friends are going to leave me in 9th?!
i bet you all are going to leave me too, after a year or two, three if i'm lucky.
hah, friendships are so fucking fragile.

goddamn my whole existence.

anyway thanks for listening to me bitch about my life-that-probably-isn't-even-that-shitty, i appreciate it even though you probably stopped reading after number one.

i love y'all (please don't leave me you're the only ones who understand me) ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️