Kazumi's POV

I collapsed on my bed as soon as I stepped foot inside my room and fortunately was able to close the window in time (yes I sneaked out) . I glanced at the wall clock and shrugged. Surprisingly, I got earlier than I thought. It's not even 9 in the evening yet. I changed back into my clothes and plopped on the bed.

I kept on making rolls and turns here and there, but I just can't relax. That utter failure from earlier is making me infuriated. To be honest, I don't like doing a lot of things (feeling literally anything is also included) and being angry is one of them. It drains my energy in a heartbeat.

"There's no point in crying over spilled milk. All I can do is guide her. Hopefully, she'll listen..." I mumbled to myself, staring at the ceiling. If I want her to survive as long as possible, I have to be strict. But for now, I need to rest my mind.

I sat up, my eyes searching for anything interesting to do. I don't want to use my phone, and the television... I'm too lazy turn it on. With a sigh, I crawled out of bed and reached for a worn out box beside the television. I moved the stuff beside it so I can get the box. The moment my fingers touched the surface of the box, I retracted my hand away, using my pajamas to get rid of the dust as I looked at the marks on the box. It was in a place where I couldn't see it clearly, so I wasn't able to notice the dust that accumulated. I grovelled under my bed to get a small rag to wipe the box with, and when it was finally clean, I opened the lid in anticipation. Nostalgia hit me like a truck when I saw my old sketch pads and notebooks inside. Some were decorated with stickers which reminded me of my childhood. I took them out one by one, finding photo albums and a diploma along the way. A smile crept into my face when I was discovering more stuff inside which I used during my childhood, until I came upon a simple white notebook.

You'd think it was a normal everyday notebook with its orange yarn and plain white color, but the beautiful calligraphy of my name written on the bottom part is definitely a sight to see. When I opened to the first page, big, bold letters of 'My Diary' greeted me. Flowers and smiley faces were drawn around it using colored pens.

I closed the notebook in a flash and despite feeling quiescent, I stood up on my feet and went downstairs, looking for my mom. I happened to spot her preparing for dinner at the kitchen and I called out to her timidly. When she looked at me, I raised up the notebook, asking, "Wasn't this supposed to be thrown away?"

She was voiceless for a while as she stared at the notebook, squinting to perhaps get a better view. "Oh that. I can't waste such a notebook by throwing it away. It was full of your happy memories as a child." She turned her back to me as I heard her cut some vegetables. "Don't worry. I didn't look inside so I know nothing. But why would you want to get rid of something that you've been asking for a lot when you were a child?"

"Nothing...in particular. I just thought that it's time for me to get a new one," I replied. Silence surrounded us two. Only the sound of her chopping vegetables and the distant sound of my brother's music could be heard. "I'll just throw it away myself then." I spun on my heel to walk out of house without hearing my mother's response. I passed through my brother who's busy with surfing the net to even notice me. His loud music was blasting from the speakers of the computer, but he looks like he can't even hear. Maybe that's the reason why the volume is always at its highest.

As I walked to the garbage can, I though of what to do with the notebook in my hands. I don't want anyone reading the contents, so maybe I could just shred it. Burning it would be nice, but it would create a smell... And I don't have any matches with me... Guess I'll just tear it apart.

I opened the garbage can's lid and got ready to tatter the diary. I flipped to a random page and positioned it upright as my finger gripped the corners tightly, about to rip it with all my might when my eyes happened to read the first sentence in the entry.

March 15, 20**

Dear Diary,

Mom bought me a plushie for doing well at school! It really made me happy because I finally have a friend! :)

-Kazumi

My grasp weakened, and before I knew it, the notebook was on the ground. It wasn't torn, only crumpled. My gaze kept on looking at the words waveringly, making me shake my head. I picked up the notebook hastily, reading more entries. My gut is telling me that throwing this piece of crap is going to be harder than I thought...

December 22, 20**

Dear Diary,

Kazuo-nii-san is such a big meanie! He keeps on telling me that Santa isn't real! As if I would believe him! I always get presents during Christmas! He's real! He's just a bad boy and that's why Santa hates him!  (｡ì _ í｡)

-Kazumi

I found my lips tugging upwards, forming a small smile. I read more entries, but they were so childish that I couldn't help but giggle at my past self. "What a child.." I muttered. Well, I still am but I'm way worse before. I read entries talking about my achievements.. Being on the honor rolls, getting 1st place in a chess tournament, winning at the spelling bee....

I kept on flipping the pages, but due to my excitement, I accidentally skipped a few pages ahead and landed on a troubling page. There's no date written, and I didn't see the usual 'Dear Diary's either... Instead, I saw the same word scribbled all over the page.

F.A.I.L.E.D

Sweat trickled down the side of my forehead as my eyes looked at the bottom part of the page. I swallowed a lump forming in my throat when I read the words written so small. It's like my past self doesn't want anyone reading it. There are simply three words there, but the sight of it made me want to throw up. Unwanted memories of the past flashed in my mind, making me clench the pages so hard that my knuckles turned white. It was nothing special.. The message—

I'm sorry, Ichigo....

It's just an apology. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's just sorry, but for some reason, upon reading it, my mind was in chaos. My mind can't seem to comprehend the message. What am I saying sorry for? Why is the page a mess? Why would I write the word failed over and over?

I know..

I know that my mind knows why. I'm aware of the reason why. It's just...

I'm afraid of accepting it.

"GET OUT OF THIS HOUSEHOLD! YOU'RE NO LONGER WELCOME HERE!"

I whipped my head around, staring at the door of the house. I looked from side to side to see if there are any neighbors watching, before dashing to the door. I threw it open while panting heavily, noticing scattered clothes on the floor. I closed the door behind me quietly and when I looked up, I saw mom throwing t-shirts at Kazuo's face before hurling a bag towards him.

"Leave! Don't ever show your filthy face here again!" Mom shouted, proceeding to slap Kazuo with all her strength. We were both taken aback, but Kazuo only clicked his tongue, glaring at mom. "F*cking hell," he muttered, picking up his clothes and shoving them down his bag, along with his wallet and phone. He rolled his eyes and sneered. "You want me to leave? Fine. I gladly will. You and dad both are stupid little sh*ts for believing that I'm the wrong one in this family."

"Watch your mouth, young man. Stop talking like you've done nothing wrong. This house became hell all because of you," Mom spat, jabbing her finger on Kazuo's chest. He swatted her hand away harshly, making mom step back.

"Oh yeah? What about Kazumi here then?" He pointed at me, eyes burning with rage. "It's always Kazumi does this. Kazumi does that. Kazumi is f*cking perfect in your eyes! How about me?!" he screamed.

"Kazumi is excelling in her studies, and is actually being helpful to the family. You, on the other hand, spent your days fooling around with girls, drowning in alcohol and getting into fights. Your school contacted me. You weren't showing up in any of your classes."

"Pfft, you're making me laugh." Kazuo zipped his bag and slung it on his shoulder. "Me? Drinking? Cutting classes? I don't even have the money to buy freaking alcohol!"

"Don't have the money to buy alcohol?" Mom repeated, whipping out a belt and bringing it down on Kazuo, making him curse out loud. He raised his fist but mom stood her ground. "You'd dare hit your own mother?! I already told you to stop hanging around your so called friends! Look what happened to you! You've lost your respect and discipline!"

"I didn't become like this because of them. It's because of you."

"We did everything we could to raise you right. We enrolled you to a good school, even gave you money to pay for your expenses. And this is how you repay us?" Mom slammed her hands down on the glass table by the sofa, cracking it. "For f*ck's sake, Kazuo. You wasted the money we gave to you by using it for your pleasure. Haven't you learned your lesson yet? You stopped studying because you weren't taking school seriously. But you came back to us begging that we give you another chance. We decided to enroll you again, and look at what you're doing." Mom shook her head, laughing bitterly. She threw her hands up, releasing a heavy sigh. "You did the same thing. Like a broken record."

"Whatever. F*ck this. F*ck you all. I'm done dealing with your sh*t." He turned around and our eyes met for a second, before he focused his gaze on the door. When he was close to me, he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me aside, muttering, "Get the f*ck out of my g*ddamn way."

I let him leave as I watched him silently. He closed the door with a bang, making me flinch and step away from the door. I hesitantly switched my gaze to my mom who was sitting on the couch with her head lowered down. Her hands were shaking furiously, and her unsteady breathing was enough for me to know what's happening.

Mom... is crying..

"Kazumi...?" she called, her voice cracking. I walked up to her and sat beside her, running my hand on her back.

"You know what Kazuo told me?" she whispered. I let out a hum as a response.

"His voice... was firm and full of hatred as he said.. " She inhaled sharply, before bursting into tears. "I hope you die."

My hand stopped moving the moment my brain processed the words that mom said. I looked at her but her hands were covering her face. She keeps on wiping her eyes but the tears just keep on falling. I stood up to get some tissues before coming back to her. I handed her the tissues and she took it wordlessly.

"Kazumi, please..." she said, desparation evident in her voice. "Please, don't end up like Kazuo. Don't follow his footsteps. You're the only hope of the family.. " I just made small noises to serve as  my replies. I can't bring myself to speak. My voice will fail me, and I don't want that. Mom needs me now, I need to be strong for her. It just breaks my heart to see her like this.. Throughout my entire life, I've seen her cry numerous times, but it's nothing like this.

"Kazuo... He skipped classes and fooled around with a girl. That guy followed every single instruction that the girl gave him. The neighbors noticed that Kazuo would go out wearing his school uniform, but come back just a few hours later. And he's always with that girl."

I stared at mom for a while before getting up to get a glass of water. My heart felt heavy in my chest, but what I'm feeling is nothing compared to what mom's feeling. To be told those excruciating words by your own son, whom you did everything to raise right.... What happened to Kazuo? Even though he's a crackhead and is a little behind studies, he was paying attention at school before. That's why I wanted to go to school early. I wanted to be like Kazuo. I want to experience school. But... I never thought that he would be like this.

I went back to check up on mom, giving her the glass of water. She drank it slowly, saying thank you when she gave back the glass to me. She had stopped crying, but the redness in her eyes is making my chest hurt. I've never seen her so... lost. She looked up at me and forced a smile, standing up.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Kazumi.." She looked around the room and frowned. "I'll just clean up. You go ahead and eat dinner." She was about to pick up a the flower vase that fell down due to the ruckus earlier when I grabbed her hand, shaking my head.

"I'll do it. You go ahead and rest," I said, picking up the vase and setting it upright on the table. The look on mom's eyes hinted that she must be really tired. Her eyes are barely open. "I'll take care of the things here. You can go upstairs to your room and sleep. I'll bring anything you want."

Mom was reluctant, but eventually complied. She walked upstairs, leaving me in the living room. I chose to eat before cleaning, simply because I don't want to keep the grace waiting. After I was done eating, I covered the leftovers in case dad comes home and took the dirty dishes to the sink, washing them. When I was done with that, I went to the living room to clean up. I put everything into their respective places. I sweeped the floor and mopped them after a while. I plopped on the sofa when I finished. My eyelids were closing and I kept on yawning, but I somehow was able to stay awake by pinching myself. The ringing of the telephone made me jolt, and I answered it with a breathy hello.

[Hello? Kazumi?]

[Dad?]

[Do you have leftover food?]

[Yeah. Why?]

[Put them in the fridge. I won't be coming home because I'm doing over time.]

[Oh, alright. Anything else?]

[Where's mom?]

[Sleeping.]

[Kazuo?]

[He isn't here. He got kicked out by mom.]

He was about to reply when I yawned, making him shrug.

[We'll talk about this tomorrow then. Bye.]

[Bye.]

I hung up the telephone and closed the lights on the first floor after putting the leftovers in the fridge. Instead of heading straight to my room, I peeked inside mom's room to see what's she's doing. I smiled sadly when I saw her fast asleep. I then made my way to the room, throwing the white notebook on my desk as soon as I came in. I closed the door gently before grabbing a pen from my pencil case. I opened the notebook to the failed page, before turning to the next blank page. The tip of the pen hovered around the page for a while as I thought of what to write. In the end, I just wrote a sentence. There's no dear diary or date. Just that sentence.

I won't let Yūka stray off to the wrong path.

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I won't let you stray off to the wrong path either. You can start by voting, you know? After that... Well, crisis averted!

Yo fams. I'm actually surprised. This chapter turned out to be better than I thought and well, that left me jungshook af. It's been a while since I've felt proud of something I did. It feels noice, indeed. Maybe it's because I'm inspired by certain seven handsome and talented bois?

And yeet I wasn't supposed to update right now, but my cousin's birthday is today. So, as a gift, I'm dedicating this chapter to GEM_shile! Hope cha like it!

For the readers, well, thanks for reading!

~Kazumi_Nyay624