I'm sharing another journal entry from my early journaling days. I wrote this when I was starting to explore the idea of self-love. At the time I was convinced that I did in fact love myself. I only didn't like parts of myself. I had a very skewed view of self-love.

I may not be my biggest fan.

I may not like myself most days.

But I do love myself. Almost in a selfish way.

I love myself in a way that I want good things for myself, and would never wish harm upon myself.

I wish I weren't this way: In a constant state of frustration.

A frustration from the inability to act like the person I know myself to be.

A frustration of criticizing my every interaction.

I deeply wish I could change, but it is not as easy as people make it out to be.

Reading my old words creates a deep sense of sadness for the girl I used to be. For the girl that was so broken that she couldn't even see it. Because there is no part of those words, that tells the story of a girl who loved herself.

To think the way you love yourself is selfish, should be a clear indicator that what you're experiencing is closer to self-hatred and resentment.

No matter what how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, I did hate myself. I hated myself deeply. I wanted to love myself. I thought loving yourself was something you ought to be born with. Something would be unnatural not to experience.

So, I tried to convince myself that I did. I didn't want to admit that I hated myself. I was in denial.

I wanted good things for myself, and I didn't wish harm upon myself. At the time, I thought that was a satisfactory defintion of self-love.

That's not love. That's self-preservation. That's survival. It is basic human instinct.

I also found this next journal entry, that was written a few months after that first entry. I re-evaluated this initially belief, and reading them both is such a warm reminder of the growth I've endure.

I never thought journalling would help me to the extent it did. It started out as just a mean to release all those frustrating thoughts in my head.

I used to describe how I felt about myself as being a selfish kind of love.

I didn't love the person I had come to be, because it was a reflection of what I thought others expected from me. It wasn't the real me.

I couldn't even say that I liked myself. But I cared enough to wish me well, to wish me no pain nor sorrow. I described this as selfish.

But I know now that loving yourself is not selfish.

Loving yourself is a necessity.

I am not a bad person for wanting better for myself. I should want better. I should want to follow my dreams. And I should love myself.

I deserve to love myself.

I know it's a hard thing to do. Sometimes it feels impossible. I've still not quite achieved it. But I'm working on it. Because I know that I am important. Just as I know that you are important.

This belief that self-love was selfish was the major block to some of my biggest reflections towards self-improvement.

For the longest time I thought it was conceited to place so much energy in caring for myself. I thought other people or other things ought to have priority for all that energy and effort.

I cared so much about the world (I still do). I cared so much about my family and friends (I still do). I cared so much about strangers and the heartache and obstacles they faced (I still do).

I had so much empathy and so much desire to fix everyone else's problems. So much desire to be liked and respected by others. That I left no time to consider my own feelings. I felt so much, but never allowed myself to feel anything that had to do with my own feelings.

Because why should it matter that I hated myself, if others were facing realproblems like starvation?

It wasn't fair to compare my struggles to that of another persons. It took me many years to come to this conclusion.

Just as the grass is always greener, there is always a darker cloud in the sky. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take cover for a storm, because others are facing more devastating storms.

It took a long time to realize that self-care and love is far from selfish.

It took a long time to realize that I deserve the same kindness I show the world.

I spent so many years with these limiting beliefs, that sometimes they still reface. But I've grown the ability to identify their wrongness.

Be kind to yourself. Let yourself do things for your own benefit. Let yourself love yourself.

You can love the way you look. You can love the unique traits that make you, you. Whether that be a caring heart or even a signature snort when you laugh.

You deserve the kindness and love, that you share with others.