If I'm supposed to be sunshine can I consider darkness?

I've long prided myself for looking on the bright side. I love my optimistic side. I'm known for it amongst my friends and family. When someone's feeling down they look towards me to find the positive side.

I will always value this quality, but there was a time that I tried to use optimism to run away from my problems.

I used optimistic thoughts to hide my deepest fears and worries. Hide being the key word. Because those thoughts didn't have the power of eliminating my apprehensions, they only sought to mask them.

Stressed about my upcoming oral presentation? I'd simply tell myself to stop stressing (Spoiler: it did not work). I'd fill my mind with meaningless reassurance of it's no big deal. It'll be over with it, before you know it. People do this all the time.

That reassurance I tried to offer myself only made it so much worse, because I didn't let myself consider why I was feeling the way I did. And because I didn't know the why, I couldn't work on address it.

You can't answer a question that goes un-asked.

I'm going to try to explain this with an analogy.

With my level of clumsiness, I've come to expect injuries. When I tell my parents about a new bruise, their first though is, "What did you do now?"I'm going to explain how I used optimism to hide my problems, by comparing it to falling down the stairs and slicing my arm open.

I'm going to treat that large laceration, like I treated my problems with optimism.

There's blood spurting out of my arm. In just a few seconds it's making a big mess and getting out of control. But I don't panic. I don't dare ask someone for help or complain of pain. It's fine. I'm fine.

I want to make the best of a bad situation.

So, I use the blood to make a nice painting. I drape it all over the wall in attempt to make this beautiful new tapestry. Maybe I draw a smiley face to make you smile.

What I should have done was seek medical attention and embrace the healed scar. But instead, just like I used to do with my real problems, I shrug at the laceration and focus on making sure that my painting is as beautiful as possible. Who cares about the very detrimental blood loss I'm facing? Not me. I'm pretending like there's no threat.

Nah. I'm young and healthy. I couldn't possibly bleed out from falling down the stairs. People heal from wounded arms all the time. I'll be fine. I always am. There's no need to worry. Everything always works out for me. (I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but optimism really did make me delusional in some way).

Fixing real life problems isn't like placing a bandaid on a child's invisible injury.

Choosing the respond to this scenario in a different way, doesn't mean I'm automatically becoming a pessimist. Admitting that I was injured wouldn't mean looking on the bad side. It's simply stating a fact. It means being practical.

Being a true pessimist would have entailed wailing on the floor, and professing that I was dying. That I was too weak to get help. I was stupid for falling in the first place and didn't deserve help. My arm will never heal! I'm doomed.

Being a true optimist in this situation would mean getting the necessary help and being grateful for the access to healthcare. It would mean being grateful that I didn't break my leg. It's laughing at your clumsiness and reminding yourself to be careful in the stairs. Maybe you even add a silly sign by the staircase as a reminder. Maybe you wrap your arm in a cute bandage.

For the longest time, I didn't see the error in my ways. How could it be wrong to aim for happiness?

Looking on the bright side is a great way of improving your mindset. It has helped me in so many different situations. But it is not helpful if you're using it to ignore your problems. You can only ignore your insecurities and belittling beliefs for so long before they become crushing.

You have to find a healthy balance between acknowledging your feelings and looking on the bright side. You can be optimistic and practical.

Keep dreaming. Dream big. Utilize affirmations.

But when anxiety, sadness or any other unpleasant emotion surfaces, do NOT ignore them. Don't be an optimist by hiding them behind something beautiful. Let yourself feel those emotions. Ask yourself where they come from. Give yourself the chance to address them. And smile like an optimist would, because you know that you are strong enough to respond to these emotions as you've learned to acknowledge them.