I've reached the point in my life that I've so longed dreamed about. I am the person that my younger self-envisioned.

     I've finished my bachelors degree.

    I've been working as a full time nurse for a year now.

     I have a stable income and a respectful number in my savings account.

     I bought a home and got the freedom I always sought.

     My adolescent self couldn't wait to reach this point in my life. To be a successful adult with "everything figured out".

     I thought I'd feel pride, freedom and a sense of accomplishment.

     But I'm the most lost I've ever been.

     I'm questioning my every decision.

      If I've achieved the majority of my goals, why do I feel so empty?

    I feel that I'm living the same day over and over.

     I wake. Make myself presentable. Go to work. Make money. Try to find time for myself. Sleep. Repeat.

     Is this what I can expect for the 40+ years that await my retirement?

     At only 23 years-old I imagine the things I could do when I retire.

     At only 23 years-old I've started the count-down for the age that I can start living again.

     I tell myself to work hard now. To put in extra hours of overtime, and chase that promotion so that I can retire early.

     Two years into my career and I think of retirement. Should that not be a clue that I am not living the life I'm meant to, even if society tells me otherwise?

     At only 24 years-old, I find myself looking at my savings and imagining the ways I could escape. To escape to Italy or go completely off the grid and live in a tiny home in the middle of nowhere.

      I think of the money I'm saving, and wonder what I'm saving it for. Sure, I'm saving it for that house. For future expenses and trips. But I will always be saving for something. So what is the point of saving so much, if I don't allow myself to spend it on the things I actually want?

      I feel as though I'm experiencing my mid-life crisis at only 24... Although with the state of the world, maybe this lower life expectancy should be expected...

      I don't understand what I'm feeling.

     Maybe I'm just going through a phase.

     Maybe I'm just burnt-out.

     Maybe I'm living in a world in which burnout is no longer an anomaly.

     Maybe I'm living in a world that expects burnout and exploitation to achieve stability.

     Maybe I'm living in a world that values materialistic success over mental well-being.

     Maybe I'm just living the life somebody else designed for me.

     Maybe I'm just another puppet in the show of Life.

     But I do not want to be a puppet...

     Maybe this existential crisis stems from this realization. From the realization that've I've been letting myself be stringed along.

      Maybe I'm finally starting to see that the expectations I hold for my life are much different than what I've been taught.

     Maybe I'm starting to realize that I don't actually care about yearly salaries, milestones and specific ages determined by society for marriage and child bearing.

     Maybe I'm letting myself shift my priorities.

     Maybe I'm allowing my true values to shine.

     Maybe the real me has finally awakened and I'm seeing what my life could be.

     I don't need that job promotion.

     I don't need a relationship to be happy.

     I don't need that fancy house permitted by the higher salary I keep chasing.

     Those are not the things I want my happiness to depend on.

     I have never wanted my life purpose or sense of success to depend on my number of followers or the number in my bank account.

     I was only led to believe that's what I wanted.

     I realize that I am lost because I am running out of goals listed by society. I have checked off most of their marks, and I don't know where to go from here. I know what I want, but the idea of transforming into the person I am and letting go of the person I became too please others, isn't so easy.

      I've got some discovering to do. Some learning and living to do. Trial and error. The freedom to make mistakes and explore.

      I don't know exactly what doing so entails. Maybe it's quitting my job. Maybe it's pursuing my passions. Maybe it's living a minimalistic life style. Maybe it's travelling the world. The opportunities are endless...

      People might think I'm making a mistake. They might think I'm wasting my life. Wasting my potential. Wasting the hard years of studying for the career that I do not truly love, because our love for the salary is meant to surpass that shift work disinterest.

     Maybe they're right.

     But I've too long compromised my own interests to please another.

     And this puppet is ready to cut off its strings.

     I have one life. Why should anyone get to tell me how to live it?

     My purpose is not defined by someone else's beliefs.

     My purpose never has to be defined as anything other than living.