The Pain of Untapped Potential

This is an excerpt from one of my novels that hasn't been published on Wattpad yet.

      She had to wonder if she loved the idea of him more than she loved him. For a part of the love that she felt was reserved for the version of him that lived in her mind.

      And so, you see it wasn't just a matter of letting him go. It was also a matter of letting go of the ideal she created. It was a matter of releasing the new version that she had built of her future. Every future goal, dream and milestone had unconsciously been tied to him.

      When you lose your person, some of the most difficult thoughts to release are the glimpses of the future you expected you and him would share. It is the fantasies and dreams that never got a chance to come to life.

      And so, you may find it silly to hold onto someone that is physically gone, but whether present or absent, a version of your person will always exist in your mind. It is a matter of deciding what weight they shall hold in your thoughts.

      If you struggle to understand the weight that untapped potential can strain on your mind, let me depict it in another light.

      Imagine one day you stumble upon a treasure chest. It comes out of nowhere; completely unexpected and appears only for your sight.

      You want to claim the chest for yourself. You seek to bring it home, but for whatever reasons your journey doesn't move forward as quickly or easily as you expect. You run into multiple obstacles. Maybe a fear of what lies inside. Maybe you're too busy to find the ways to transport it. Maybe it's too heavy for your arms. Maybe you have too many other things in your arms. Maybe it's locked and you're searching for the key... Maybe there are a hundred more reasons that you struggle to claim the chest.

      Imagine now, that you must let go of the treasure chest. You must let it drift away in the sea without ever getting the chance to open it. You've yet to claim it as yours but it's time to let it go.

      You still don't know what's inside the chest. Does that make it easier or harder to release? You would think it would be easier to release something when you don't know its true content. For imagine it you knew that in the chest rested a million dollars; the key to your dreams; the map towards the love of your life, etc. To release it without claiming the contents for your own would be unbearable. You would think of the loss for years to come. You would picture how different your life could be had you had the privilege of keeping the chest.

      So, now I ask: would it have been better if you didn't know what the chest held? Could you release the chest carelessly because you would not be taunted by what could have been? Would it be easier to fool yourself and say that the chest was likely empty or invaluable?

      She used to think so.

     She used to think so, until he came into her life and left her with what ifs?

     He came into her life abruptly, out of nowhere and unexpectedly, just like the chest.

      Like the chest, she wanted to keep him. She was excited to open it and discover the treasure that rested within. She imagined the good fortune it could bring and felt excitement every time she looked or thought about the treasure.

      And then just as abruptly the chest slipped from her grip. Gone. Shipped to somewhere new, for another person to claim.

      She long chided herself for her inability to let go, but like releasing the unopened chest, she realized that something that remains unopened also comes with tortured thoughts of what could have been.

      Because in him she saw potential. She saw what could have been a perfect match. She saw what could have been the qualities that she searched for in a partner.

      While the treasure may have held a million dollars, without opening it, she could easily imagine that it held ten million dollars.

      The unknown leaves room for even greater fortune but also greater disappointment because it leaves room for unlimited potential and imagination. Those limitless possibilities are in part responsible for our inability to let go even when the treasure chest drifts miles away into the sea.

      Maybe it would be even harder to let go if she had fully opened the chest. Or maybe she would have seen that the treasure that rested within was wonderful but not meant for her to cherish.

      That's the thing with maybe... When the unanswered question turns to answered, it may be good or bad.

      She has always been the hopeful kind; inclined to assume the best in every scenario. Sometimes this tendency is bittersweet.