Your mind can be conditioned to certain routines. When we repeat certain behaviours, our subconscious becomes accustomed to it, and our body comes to expect it.

People who work early shifts, who have to place their alarm for 5 am every morning, tend to build an internal alarm clock.

It's a lot easier than expected to fool our mind, as is noted with the Placebo effect. When you fully believe in something, your brain can manifest it into reality. As they say, fake it till you make you it.

The more you force positive reinforcement and thinking, where you would usually find yourself looking on the down side, the more you will find these thoughts developing naturally.

Changing your inner dialogue, from negative to positive thoughts, requires a conscious effort. And before you can start doing this, you have to identify what needs changing.

You can't change bad habits without first identifying them.

Belittling self-dialogue becomes part of most of our everyday routines. Most of the time we do it without realizing so. Start paying attention to the voice in your head. Pay attention to the way you may pose much more judgement than necessary. Pay attention to the way you treat yourself in a way you would never address others. Watch out for comments like: I wasted another day doing nothing. They probably think I'm so annoying. I'm going to get rejected. That was the wrong thing to say. That sounded stupid. I look so awkward. Why can't I look like her? I'm going to fail. They're all going to stare at this huge pimple. They probably don't feel like talking to me. They'll never choose me...

The more you pay attention, the more you'll notice the many different ways you put yourself down. We like to assume the worst. We like to pin point our imperfections and insecurities, this way it'll hurt less if someone else points them out. But we're only bringing ourselves unnecessary harm. Most of the time, our peers don't notice the traits and behaviours that our inner critics do. And even if they do, we shouldn't live to meet someone else's expectations and beliefs.

After identifying the negative dialogue, comes the hardest part: opposing it. This is the part that sometimes requires faking it. Next time you insult or make a belittling comment about yourself, I need you to turn it into a compliment. Even if it feels unatural. Even if it feels like you're fooling yourself.

This is the only way you can condition yourself to forget these upsetting thoughts.

Here are a few examples of what retraining my mindset, looked like:

"They're probably laughing at me." I have the bad habit of assuming that I am the butt of the joke of any laughter that occurs in my vicinity. Once I acknowledged this habit, I was able to reflect on it. They have no reason to be laughing at me. I haven't done anything to warrant such a reaction. And even if they are, shrinking on myself will only give them greater satisfaction. I don't care what they think of me. I am confident in myself. I did care. I cared a lot. I cared too much. And I was far from confident. But there more I repeated these affirmations. The more I pretended to ooze confidence and self-assurance, the more they became true."Surely, they think I'm a loser. I can't even hold a proper conversation. They'll think I'm pathetic for turning so red and stuttering. My reserved and awkward tendencies, were by far my most challenging thoughts. I hated myself for not being able to overcome these qualities. I was so caught up with self-hatred, that for a long time, I didn't acknowledge the baby steps I was making towards improvement. Being shy doesn't make me unworty. Maybe I stumbled on my words, but I approached them first. Though something natural for them, it was a big step for me. My timidness and awkwardness can be endearing. My quiet nature makes me an attentive listener."My teeth are stained. I wish my stomach was as flat as hers. I'm having such a bad hair day. I'm breaking out again. As I listed what I perceived to be physical flaws on my body, I realized that these were never traits I judged in others. I didn't pay attention to the colour of someone's teeth. I didn't care about the percentage of fat on someone else's body. I've never thought any less of someone because of their appearance. So, why didn't I share that same curtesy with myself? My physical traits make me unique. Do I really want to look like someone else? Where would lay our sense of identity, if there was no such thing as diversity? I am beautiful the way I am. There are no rules to beauty.

These are just a few examples. I still find myself make belittling comments about my appearance and behaviors. But I'm getting better at correcting them. Like a tired parent trying to teach their toddler right from wrong, sometimes it's exhausting. At first, it's exhausting to reflect and be mindful of your thoughts. But I promise, it's worth it. One day it won't require such a conscious effort. One day, positive thinking will become subconscious.

We're told to think before we speak, to ensure we don't hurt others with our words. Show yourself the same consideration.

Show yourself some kindness today. Help teach your inner critic to become your best friend. When you can rely on yourself, life becomes a lot more beautiful.