I woke up to the worse hangover of my life. What happened?

Pieces from last night started to flash back into my head; training, cake, drinking...mate.

Remembering that part of the night hit me like a bucket of cold water got chucked at me. My world came crashing down as feelings and thoughts erupted my essence. The pain I numbed last night with whatever alcohol I got my hands on came back harder, almost unbearable. It's a reminder of the rejection, the lifetime of happiness I assumed would reach my way ripped away from me like a privilege I never knew I had.

I couldn't tell anyone what happened last night, especially when I haven't even wrapped my head around it.

My mate was a guy. That fact didn't surprise me as much as I should admit. I've always been into girls, that much I knew and was expected of me so I didn't question it. Guys were always considered good looking at times but I never had the urge to date anyone from my school or pack until Sophia came around when she moved here at the age of 14.

When I was dating her, I never had thoughts out of the heteronormative lifestyle because I always assumed my mate would be a girl, much like most people.

I had just started out high school, and was trying to fit in the popular crowd I came to be a part of due to the title I was born I do. I even played on the football and basketball season as they barely overlapped giving me loads of ways for burn energy during school so I don't get too angsty.

It didn't matter anyways, he doesn't want to be with me. To make matters worse he's my pack's long time rival.

A member of the Bloodcrest pack that my dada had a one night stand with kidnapped my mom and held her hostage because she claimed to have been madly in love with my dad and that my mom seduced and trapped him.

The woman's name was Vivian and while my dad hadn't forgiven them for not protecting my mother better, they didn't forgive my mother for killing her stating that she was just a harmless woman who had delusions. Turns out she was the alpha's little sister and was previously diagnosed with a manic disorder of some kind. She hadn't taken her meds when she met my dad, which caused her to spiral into her episode when she fell for my dad. 

Ryder took over the pack a few years ago after his father died. Did he reject me because he's ashamed of his sexuality or is he ashamed I'm his mate because of this stupid rival?

Well the rival wasn't really stupid when it was with our fathers', but now that we're mates, shouldn't he have put this stupid rivalry aside and at least have talked to me?

I didn't have time to think about it as my phone rang blaring the alarm I have set for school. I realized I was not in my room but in fact some stranger's bed. Confusion crept as I realized I was fully clothed but not alone. In fact multiple groans erupted at the sound of my alarm, which I'm assuming they also go to my school as they picked themselves up to leave. This definitely tops the weirdest place I've woken up in.

I dragged my way back to my house, my head throbbing as the sun stung my eyes while the sounds of the birds chirping sent shrapnels like pain in my ears. The morning was hazy as I got ready, but no one bothered me thankfully as I nursed my hangover. I discovered some Tylenol and a glass of water on my nightstand with a note from my mom saying good luck.

Alarms went off in my head as I wondered what she meant by it, but my paranoid self was calmed down when my rational self concluded that she probably meant the hangover as the note was attached to the pill not placed as some ominous message.

When I reached school, half of the school seemed slightly hungover as well which made me feel a bit better on the inside. Knowing that they are suffering even the slightest fraction of what I'm feeling comforts me in a way I know it shouldn't but I think it's because I don't feel as alone in my pain.

The one thing they don't tell you about the sting of rejection is how much it fucking hurts. My heart aches as if pumping blood to keep me alive is too much work, the way my lungs seem to never feel like there's never enough air, my head replaying last night over and over in my head in torment. All I want to do is crawl and escape my way into the black sucking hole I feel consuming the very essence of my being.

Is this what my mom went through? That thought sickens me even more, to know someone I love has felt this pain, this type of pain I wouldn't even wish my worst enemies whoever they may be. No wonder my dad felt guilty. Do you think Ryder feels guilty right now? I couldn't think about that right now as I headed for class.

I couldn't concentrate on the lesson or whatever the teacher was saying at the front of the class as time droned on. I felt like I was mostly on autopilot, going through the motions but not really feeling like I'm there.

Before I know it it's lunch and I met up with Mason per usual. This time he allowed silence to pass us he assumes my mood was due to the migraine I was nursing after he commented about how much I drank last night.

I only ended up grabbing some fries with ketchup and some watermelon cubes. I paid for it without a word and went out through the cafeteria doors.

I froze when I spotted Sophia at the usual table. Of all the things that happened last night I completely forgot about our breakup. The thought didn't bother me as much as it had before, considering that it had literally JUST happened and we've been dating for almost 4 years. Guilt enveloped as I hate how little the breakup feels in comparison to my rejection last night when I have fostered such a deep relationship with a kindhearted person for years. Now we'll be nothing more than strangers as we will pass each other in the hallways.

I stared at her not caring if others saw me. I know she feels my eyes on the back of her head but she didn't dare to meet my eyes.

"Come on, let's go sit on the bleachers today, the sun's nice out," Mason thankfully intervened my thoughts. I nodded my head and we made our way there. I felt weird not sitting at the table as I have done for the past 4 years in high school. But I knew things wouldn't be the same after yesterday and I guess this will be the new normal temporarily. We are graduating in just a few short months.

To make the silence less awkward he blared music on his phone as we ate. I met his eyes, sending a message saying that I'm grateful for him, hoping that he understood without me having to say the words. The look he gave back to me showed me he did and relief flooded me for a short period of time.

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After school, I allowed Mason to drive us back. The radio filled the car ride as no one said a word about my appearance.

We reached the house and the girls ran out the door to get changed for their night out which they couldn't stop talking about in the back.

"Hey why don't we head to the club tonight since it's Friday and it looks like you could use another one of those nights," he suggested. I took him up on it, looking forward to temporarily forgetting it all again and drown out my feelings.

"Yeah count me in, what time should I get ready for?" I asked.

"Let me text the others and I'll send you the details."

"Alright man I'll see you later then," I headed inside after bumping elbows with him.

The smell of homemade chocolate chips filled the house as I walked in. The source led me to the kitchen to discover my mom in her apron cleaning up the kitchen as the cookies cooled down. She had some songs playing from the radio sitting on the countertop nearby.

My dad entered the kitchen through the doorway from the living room, coming up from behind her to give her a kiss on the head. She scolded him when he tried to grab a cookie that was too hot to eat, telling him to wait like he was a child. He pouted in response which seemed fitting, not before giving her a mischievous smile like he got an idea she might not like. Before she could do anything about it, he picked her up, she yelped in response. He started carrying her to I assume their room, spotting me by the doorway on the way. He winked at me as she blushed like a teenager, I shook my head in humour as I watched them depart.

Another reminder of something that I will not have. Sigh.

I grabbed a bottle of Gatorade before getting changed into gym shorts and loose t-shirt. I headed down to the gym and started warming up on the treadmill. I used the punching bag to let out some of the pain and anger I've been holding in.

What did I do to deserve this?

Punch.

Why did the Moon Goddess choose to pair me with him instead of someone who could love and accept me as a mate?

Punch.

Would it have been easier to tell someone if my mate was a girl?

Punch.

Is it just me he doesn't want?

This time the emotions started to crack like glass under pressure, which then I couldn't stop punching the bag as hard and fast as I can not caring that it won't last that much longer if I keep this up.

I couldn't tell if it was sweat or tears dripping down my face as I plummeted at the bag until it began to tear its shapeless form, but I didn't care, I didn't want to stop, afraid the emotions would swallow me whole if I did.

Eventually exhaustion hit me and I fell to the ground, darkness welcoming me with temporary peace.

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I woke up, my eyes felt swollen and dry. How long was I out?

I saw my phone a few feet away from me. I checked the time. Only 25 minutes. I must've passed out for shorter than that.

I decided to call it quits and head to the shower, turning the knob to where the water would feel cool against my skin.

I took my time showering, hearing the phone go off in the background. That must be Mason letting me know the time and details about tonight. I washed my hair with the 2 in 1 bottle before stepping out to wrap the towel around me. I shook as much of the water off before reaching for my phone to read the message.

Pick you up at 6:00, Jason is the DD of the night. There's 7 of us so we're taking the minivan but we'll save you the passengers seat.
-M

It's 4:38, so I dried myself up, put some deodorant before getting myself dressed for the club. I decided to go with a maroon button up and black jeans, with some chain bracelet my mom got me for my birthday. She said that it's a family tradition to get a chain bracelet on their 18th, she wasn't able to do it for hers as she ended up having to buy one herself so I knew how important this is to her.

One of the insides of the chain has an engraving of my birthday. I rubbed my fingers against the grooves,

I look in the wooden box passed down from my great-great grandfather's cufflink case, lined with deep green velvet in a dark mahogany box. Our family crest is permanently carved on top of the box. I wonder what my ancestors would think about my mate being a guy. Would they be homophobic or would they trust in the moon goddess' decision and have accepted me for myself?

There's sadly not enough alphas or lunas who are openly gay, as their lack would be more likely to be targeted in a form of hate crime. My mood darkens at the knowledge that the world isn't too kind to people like me.

To people like me. I'm starting to come to grasp and attempt to understand my sexuality and all I came up with is that I'm somewhere in the spectrum and who cares where I fall in. The cards are already set out for me, it's up to me how I take them on.

I placed some rings on my fingers, some are family heirlooms while some I bought for myself to fit my style. I always like the idea of accenting myself with silver tones to give off a certain character.

I watched a couple episodes of Schitts Creek as I pregamed with a bottle of Smirnoff's vodka I had hidden in a sock in the back of the closet.

I always kept a certain mug that I wash downstairs and bring right back up as it's specifically used for my drinking moods. It's my special drinking cup, which I know I will not be able to replace since I have no idea where it's from, and neither does my mom.

I tolerate clear liquids, which allows me to drink them without chasers like it's water. But if it's dark liquor, let's just say it's an entirely different story.

I grabbed a bag from the kitchen quickly and snacked on some salt and vinegar Miss Vickie's as the second episode finishes up.

My phone buzzed indicating that Mason and the guys are out front in car waiting for me. I dusted off my hands before grabbed my phone and wallet,  heading out to go to the club.

I reached the car, greeted everyone in there. They continued their chatter, talking about whatever latest basketball game scores or the latest lay. I drowned out the chatter as I looked out the window staring at the trees, then the lands, and lastly the buildings passing by.

As we reached the parking lot, we saw the line up extended past the building onto the next. The sound of music is muffled but got louder the closer we got.

The bouncer saw us and let us through without a word, letting us pass the line since we're regulars. I gave him a nod in appreciation as we passed him on our way in.

Music blared through the speakers and the smell or alcohol and sweat filled the air as we made our way towards the bar.

The club lights were dimmed low, but there were stone lights illuminating multiple colours around the room. The smoke make the air almost too thick to breath, almost like I wanted to cough but I soon got used to it.

I ordered a shot of vodka to add to the already building buzz I had started an hour ago.

But then I caught a scent which made me freeze in place.

He's here.

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