Today was the last straw
I've been sitting here in my bed for the past hour
Wanting to squeeze the life out of something
Wondering what did I ever do wrong
Why nobody likes me

I took a picture of myself
To maybe have something to look back on when all this is past
I took it
I had to delete it
I looked so ugly
My face was so round
I couldn't look at myself
I wanted to throw the phone on the ground
Smash it like nothing else matters

What did I do
Why me
I'm so depressed

I wanted to play goalie for my soccer team
My dad started shouting
Saying I'll break my fingers
Without which I can't play violin
Which might be true

He says I don't practice
He says I can't distinguish when to come out or in the goal
Yes I can

Not until I stepped inside my room did I realize that my own dad just insulted me

And I broke down crying
And I've been laying here
For two hours
Feeling like the biggest piece of shit ever
On my phone
After an hour I quit
Then I just sat here and cried
Considered going to counseling
Why not? I've kept all this inside for so long

I need to spill it
The tears and sadness have broken the dam
But there's nowhere for the water to go

Why doesn't anyone like me as their best friend? You would think I had one best friend that actually would listen to me when others are talking

No
They ignore me

And what's worse
Everyone was posting kick me papers on people's back in sixth period
I did it to my friend who wasn't in that class
End of the day
"That was not funny. Stop."

I feel so bad
Even though she should feel bad
I understand that I was wrong
But she and Amiel and Emily
They've done much worse
They're the main reason I'm writing this right now

Ditched me
Ignored me
Shushed me
Even given food to the garbage instead of me when I was starving
What? Is the garbage a better friend than me? Hmm?? Who deserves the perfectly good French fries more! The garbage? Or a fucking starving person right next to you????? I mean it's not like I'm in Africa waiting for someone's help I'm right there

I don't know why I hang out with them anymore
Oh that's right
WHO FUCKING ELSE

Tomorrow I'm going to tell them how I feel
Or at least give them a hint
Of what's going on

And tomorrow
I'm also going to go to counseling
Instead of going to eat lunch with them
Instead of making me more depressed I can empty the dam
Of emotions

Pain
Depression
Sadness
Tears
Anger
Resentment

Why haven't I gone to counseling before? I mean she's not going to judge me she's gonna help me

Now I Haven't even done my homework
Because I've been laying here for two hours
Crying off and on😢
I need to sleep
But here's where i empty my thoughts
💭

Because I have to empty it somewhere
My sadness