Decision

Finn POV

I ascended the staircase immediately after the door closed, and I had to freeze in track to the view in front of me.

No matter how much I fooled myself, I wasn't going to hurt Cheryl, something would always come up, and I ended up witnessing her tears flowing like water.

It ached my heart.

I wished things were different, Cheryl!

I was afraid to touch her. I was scared to take a step further, for I've always brought her pain. With everything in me-I only wanted to make her smile, but it always goes opposite of my intentions.

What anguish and distress I've caused in different ways I couldn't imagine. She was hurting as she shudders in her cries in front of me.

Why did my life have to be that way? Why did I fail to do what was right? Why was I bringing trauma, fear, and sorrow to the only person I wanted to give love to. I felt useless. I didn't know what to do to make her pain go away.

"I'm scared." She whispered, looking everywhere but me.

I wasn't a comfort. I was polar of what she needed. I was horrid for her, and I was too selfish to let her go.

"Can I hug you?" I timidly asked.

Surprisingly, she nodded, and I wasted no second when I got to her and pulled her to me. I didn't let go.

That night, she fell asleep in my arms-flinching to any little noise while I spent it awake, rocking her until sunrise.

***

"Good morning." I softly called when her eyes blinked.

I've spent the night staring at Cheryl peacefully sleeping, and it was reposeful than falling asleep.

"Good morning." Her voice was small and filled with evoking sadness.

That alone silt me inside, but I had to smile for her, to assure her it was okay.

"You slept well?" I didn't know what to ask, so that was the best I could come up with.

"You swayed me the whole night, yes I did. I'm sorry I was-I overreacted." She mumbled.

What? Was she apologizing for reacting over Denny's and I's conversation? Who wouldn't overreact to that?

I felt the anger I had over him since after he spoke out those words-rising in me, I can't believe I hated him. I wanted to punch him for thinking about sending men to hurt my Cheryl. How could he ever suggest that?

"No! I'm sorry for what you had to hear. He's not going to hurt you. I will make sure of it. I will protect you. I would do anything for you." I certified it to her. I wanted her to know that.

She stared at me for a while before she cut the gaze.

"I'm causing you trouble, aren't I?" She asked quietly, with her head turned away from me.

"What?"

"I know, Finn. I'm slowing things for you."

Frowning-I studied her beautiful neck with the corner of my eyes. "You're making things better for me."

She tilted and faced me. "That's what you think because you feel love for me, but I'm your weakness, and you have to..."

With flaming nose and intense seething eyes, I emphasized. "No! I'm not hurting you."

"I'm not saying you should. I know you wouldn't." She muttered and smiled small.

Great! At least she knew that.

"Then what are you saying?" With a relieved sigh, I asked Cheryl.

"Let me go." She said slowly and low. And hell if it didn't feel like being slaughtered behind the neck with a blunt serrated knife.

My eyes suddenly began to twitch with confusion while my brows puckered. "What?" It was barely audible.

I thought she loved me? I thought she wanted me. I thought she wanted to live with me until we grew old and fed the ducks, worms, or peas?

I thought a lot of shit.
But of course, what was I thinking? A happily ever after? I wasn't getting that. I've known it. I've always known it.

Cheryl sat up and grabbed my hand, but I yanked away as I tried to breathe. I was being strangled at that moment. I was struggling to respire through the inner restrained I felt.

"Finn, I don't mean to let me go, like let me go go. No! Do you think I could live without you? Do you think I have anyone left either? I'm just alone and hopeless. I don't see my parents as those I want to live close to. I have nowhere. This is my home, where you are. You should know that by now." She sadly said.

And for some reason, my heart softened, and I felt a drip of relief washes inside of me.

Cheryl wasn't abandoning me. She still wanted me.

"Why? Why would I let you go then?"

I shook my head because I still couldn't see or think clearly, I couldn't swallow the bile in my throat, I forgot how to. Her words kept coming with blades, cutting my skin no matter how I tried to wear the brave man mask; it finally slipped.

"I need to confront my parents. Besides, they also have something they don't want the world to hear, or maybe if I should show up back to the town, it could ease the tension, and later I could tell my parents I need to leave Arkansas because of what happened. I can come here and start fresh. Everyone around here knew you, they could back up our story then, and my parents would easily believe I met you from here, and then we can be free. We could live without fear, go out anywhere we want without hiding under a hat or hoodie."

I watched Cheryl without a single word in me. I didn't know what to think. All I was seeing was loneliness. I don't want that again.

"I don't want you to leave me." Was what voluntary escaped from my throat in a cracking tone. I couldn't hold it. I was hurting-my eyes were on the verge of tears.

That was when I felt nervous.

She exhaled and shifted closer to me. Her hands cupped my face and stroked my skin softly. "I could never leave you. You've found a way to build a place in my heart... I want to do this for both of us, Finn. I promised you I would come back, and we will live here for as long as we want." She swallowed, and the tears finally loosened from my eyes. "We will taunt each other about growing older, and when we grow older, we will laugh about today because it would become a memory. But we need to make things right now. Please, Finn, can you understand?" She wiped my tears with her fingers, and hers began to fall.

"Please don't do this, don't go away." I should be brave, but I wasn't. She was my only shot of happiness, my chance of being cured. I needed her to breathe. I needed her more than I needed anything.

She was talking about going back to Eureka Springs, the place that holds too many painful memories, the place I don't want to ever go back to, ever since I quit vengeance.

What if she gave up on me? What if her parents hold on to her? 'What if' were all that was roaming in my clouded head.

"I'm not going away. I'm only trying to open a way for our future together. I love you, Finn! nothing's going to change that." Our foreheads found a way to glue together.

The pain was everywhere, blanketing me in their wake, and for once, ever since, I lost my parents. I was Terrified.

Cheryl POV

After two weeks with Finn in the lake house, I've grown to want everything that comes with him. He was everything I needed.

But I also knew leaving was the right thing to do. Hiding here wasn't what we both needed. I had to walk around my town freely and let the world see me free.

I knew I would face interrogations and maybe more, but it was the only way to come back to Finn again, in a way I could show him to the world without fear or troubles.

That day we spent it on the bed without a word. We both didn't know what to say. Finn was hurting-I was hurting. We only stared at each other and listened to our breathing rhyming up.

Finn's eyes kept filling up with moisture, and I kept wiping it away.

Leaving that little paradise of ours was the most challenging choice I've ever made, and it was ripping me apart, mainly for the pain I had caused Finn.

I knew I was hurting him real bad, I could pellucidly see it on his face, but I was sure he would understand when everything settled down.

He was my home. He just didn't believe it.

***

"You sure about it?" Victoria asked me.

"I don't know, but I'm hoping it works. I want a life with him where we don't have to hide. I want him to be freed. This is the only option." I told her, hoping she understood, and she nodded simply.

"Thank you, please look after him for me." I appended when I looked over to Finn sitting on the porch's steps.

"It's always my honor. Look after yourself too and come back to us soon." She hugged me.

"I promised."

It was around nine at night, and the plan was for Potter to drop me far on the end of the road. One of Finn's men would pick me up and drive me through the night to Eureka Springs.

That was it. As simple as ABC, but why does it feel so hard?

I walked over to Finn whom was avoiding to look at me.

"Hey!" I called out.

"Hey!" He whispered while he played with his laced fingers.

So I stepped up and sat on the step below his, and I was able to see the melancholy on his face.

"Finn, I'm coming back. Please don't be like this."

"What if it didn't work out in your favor? What does it mean?" He asked quietly and swallowed.

"Then I would find a way to come back here. I would always come back here, to you." I told him, instantly struggling with breathing.

He intensified his gaze on his hands. "What if this is goodbye? What if after this everything changed?"

"There is no goodbye between you and me. Not at all." I grabbed his face and ran my hands in his soft, messed hair just like I always do.

His eyes met mine, and he sadly smiled. "I love you. You know that, right?"

That broke me inside that I felt my eyes begin to moisture at the look in his eyes. He was afraid. I was too.

"I know. And I love you too, Finn Hayes." I told him and pulled him into a deep kiss for what felt like forever.

But I never knew forever felt that little until Potter's truck started moving.

That was how I stared at Finn through the side mirror, slowly fading away until all I could see was trees and the light of the lake house subduing gradually till no more.

I immediately knew I had made the wrong decision.

***

It was bright but really early in the morning. There was no one on the street. If I knew my town well, I would predict it was around six when I sat by the staircase of my home. My dad's home. The home I thought was mine too.

I faced the opposite houses with nothing close to how I felt in Bolingbrook.

I blankly watched Mr. Gerald's lawn, Mss Daisy Volvo, parked by in her driveway. Everything and everywhere was just as I left. Intact. But it was not as it felt months ago.

None was making me smile. None was making me feel at home.

I sat hopelessly with my heart throbbing against my chest and fear of what I was about to face.

I was missing Finn, his scent, his smile. Did he sleep? Had he been crying? What was he doing?

All those suddenly got me regretting coming back, but it was too late. The door behind me clicked opened-and the tears in my eyes let loose.

Whom ever was behind me must be surprised because It took seconds before they said the word.
"Cheryl?" Yes! It was my dad's voice, and it came up saturated with shock.

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