How many times have you let yourself get you down?
Let yourself get you down, my dear?
So many roses but none to be picked without thorns
So be fond of your flaws, dear

Christopher

Have you ever been so afraid of something that a greater fear of what's bound to happen may over-lapse? That moment when you have to make a decision that you just might regret because you don't know what's to come? That's exactly what chemical extract is coursing through my veins at this very moment. A lot of 'what if' brewing up in my brain, jumping up and down like gas particles but my main one was what if i'm not good enough for her? What if I'm not the person she's dreamed of? I paced up and down the room, anxiety and adrenaline rushing through my veins. I don't understand how or why i'm feeling like this?If I can perform in front of billions of people I can surely marry the girl of my dreams yet aren't I too young? I'm only 28.

"Chris I hope-Why haven't you done your tie yet, silly, the planner said we're going in 10." My momma, Joyce, came in the room stopping me to do my tie. It was done but I undid it because of all the pressure."You look worried." She chuckled whilst doing the different ins and outs of the tie. I chuckled nervously.

"I am, this whole...whole everything! I don't know? this is nerve-wrecking momma, am I even sure I want to get married." I arched my eyebrow feeling the same feeling I had every time Karrueche brought up this marriage stuff, but she...she changed everything.

"Calm down, boy, it's natural to feel like this but it doesn't mean you should get cold feet all of a sudden. I know you're sure because the way you look at her is a look I've never seen you give any girl before and that was the moment I knew she was a keeper because she kept you happy and even when y'all broke up and fought at times, you ran right back into each other's arms which tells me that it was meant to be." She smiled brushing my shoulders straight to make my suit look neat. I smiled because she was right and I know she is, I've been so much of a quitter I forgot how to commit but she helped me remember.

"You're right, I thin-actually I'm ready." I smile opening the door for her to walk out first and soon following behind her. I walking into the chapel to see the wedding planner, Armando, facing the audience which are both our families and friends whom have gathered here to celebrate with us, and a camera man standing in the corner trying to capture every moment and essence of this special day. I walked over to where I'm supposed to stand and the ministries pastor was standing ready for everything to start. "Thank you father Jones again for taking the time out of your day to join us." I thanked him once again.

"It's no problem Christopher. When I see a young boy grow into a man, then we shall all support the blooming." He patted my back as I smiled nervously hoping everything goes well and taking the compliment. The traditional pipe organ begun to play filling the room with the 'here comes the bride' song signaling that she was coming. I straightened myself up, and so did everyone, awaiting for my bride to walk through the doors and come to me. My heart was racing yet I couldn't wait for her last name to be Brown.

The little flower girl walked in throwing the white rose petals onto the lilac carpet way out of the small weaved basket she was holding then she was followed by the groom's men,my men, with the bride's maids by their sides. All my true friends who finally revealed to me smiling walking in here to support me and my decision and I'm glad I finally saw who my real and loyal friends were and I wouldn't have found them without her.

I saw momma Tina walk out rushing to take a seat then there she was wearing her big beautiful strapless crystal white gown which fitted her perfectly and her golden brown hair tied into a neat bun with the veil covering her face holding the bouquet of white roses,the same rose I gave her the night we first kissed.

She walked down the aisle with her arm linked to her step-father,my very soon to be father-in-law, at the pace of the song. I could just run away into the sunset with her right now. She finally reached me and the music died down. I tried looking through the veil but all I saw clearly was her beautiful smile.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, and in the presence of family and friends to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony, which is commended of St. Paul to be an honorable estate, instituted of God and therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly or carelessly, but reverently, joyfully and in the love of God. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined."Pastor Jones introduced whilst her father still stood there.

"Who gives this bride to this groom in marriage?"

"I do" Her father says then takes the her right hand and places it in my left hand, and retires to his place. He sits with her mother whom was getting teared up as she dabbed her tissue softly along her eye,I'm not going to lie my eyes were glistening too. I grab the ends of her veil and put it over her head to reveal her beautiful face. Her hazel green eyes were glistened due to the small tears rolling down her cheeks,damn now I want to cry. We both chuckled lightly,she wiped the small tear trying to escape from my eye.

"Jesus Christ Reminds us, that at the beginning the Creator made us male and female , and said, For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.God loved us, and created us to love others. Our lives find completion only as we love and are loved in return. Together, we can become what we could never be separately. Marriage is of God.

In the bible it says;Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." He emphasized every word he read from the bible verse ,1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I especially listened carefully and some people in the audience were agreeing saying things like 'Amen'.

"Christopher and Beyonce come today desiring to be united in this sacred relationship." He closes the bible putting it aside."Let us Pray." Bey gives her flowers to her maid of honor, Solange, before intertwining our hands together readying to pray.

"O' Almighty God you have created us all in the image of Love, the image of Yourself. Bless now these two who stand before you. Guide them in your wisdom, shine your light upon them, that as they journey through this life together they will walk as bearers of your Truth. Amen." We opened our eyes.

"Please join hands."Our hands tightened together as my thumb caressed her back hand."I ask you each now, to repeat the marriage vows"

"I,Christopher Maurice Brown take you, Beyonce Giselle Knowles to be my wedded wife, To love and cherish, For better or worse, for richer or poorer, In sickness and in health. From this day forward." I spoke every word with heart and truthful meaning,something I haven't done in a long time.

" I, Beyonce Giselle Knowles take you, Christopher Maurice Brown to be my wedded husband, To love and cherish, For better or worse, for richer or poorer, In sickness and in health. From this day forward." Her voice nearly breaking but she kept it firm since she was getting a bit emotional, a tear escaped my eye letting it fall down my cheek. Solange's son, Daniel Julez jr, walked towards us holding the pillow like ring bed. Pastor Jones took the rings and placed them on the bible and Daniel returned to his seat.

"Bless, O Lord The Giving of these rings that they who wear them, may live in your peace and your favor all the days of their life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." He hovered his hands over the rings and closed his eyes and so did we."May the Lord Bless these rings which you give to each other as your sign of Love, Devotion and ever lasting peace. Amen."We open our eyes and he places her ring in the palm of my hand and vice-versa.

"As you place this ring on your partner's finger I ask that you repeat these words."He faced me."Christopher,This ring is my sacred gift to you"

"This ring is my sacred gift to you,my love." I positioned the ring upon her ring finger my orbs boring into hers to show that I was not just saying these words because I was commanded.

"A symbol of my Love."

"A symbol of my love." I repeated.

" A sign that from this day forward and always"

"A sign that from this day forward and always."My voice started to crack a bit.

"My Love will surround you."

"My love will surround you better than before." She smiled chuckling a bit as she wiped her tears with her free back hand.

"With this ring I wed thee."

"With this ring and all of me,I wed thee." I slipped the ring onto her perfectly manicured finger caressing it softly. She repeated the same words but hers was a bit slower since she had to pause to regain herself.

"Oh, eternal God Creator and preserver, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life; Send thy blessing upon these thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless in thy Name; that they, living faithfully together, may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them as symbolized by these rings as a token and pledge, and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together and live according to thy laws." We said amen in unison caressing each others hands feeling like the happiest man alive on this cruel earth, I feel like I can conquer anything with her because she brings out the best in me.

For as much as Christopher and Beyonce have consented together in holy matrimony and have witnessed the same before God and those present, and have pledged their faithfulness, each to the other, and have declared their love by giving and receiving Rings and by joining hands, I now, by the authority committed unto me as a minister and a priest, declare that Christopher Maurice Brown and Beyonce Giselle Knowles are husband and wife according to the ordinance of God, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Those Whom God Has joined together, let no one put asunder." I smiled at my now wife, my one and only other me, the one woman who put me in my place, and the one I can call Mrs.Brown.

"May the Peace and the Unconditional Love of God surround you and remain with you now and forevermore. Amen." He shut the bible smiling at both of us."You may now seal you vows with a kiss." As soon as those words escaped his mouth I didn't hesitate nor let a second go to waste because every moment with her from now is one I shall cherish and adore even the ones before because they made me who I am. I clashed my lips onto her soft petite ones holding the small of her back supporting her from falling since we were leaning back. Her hands clenched onto my sides as she kissed me back hearing various of hoots,cheers and whistling from the audience. We broke away from the kiss smiling at one another, hand in hand as we face the audience.

"Allow me to present to you Mr. and Mrs.Brown!" Everyone stood up cheering and clapping as we brought up out intertwined hands, which was one in unification. I looked down at her.

"We've been through a rocky journey but we've finally arrived at our destination and I love you and nobody can differ." I spoke with my soul and not my mind because she was my soul and I love her greatly. The feeling of being in love again was a renaissance for me.

"I love you too, Christopher."

"Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love."~Mother Teresa

You don't understand love, you accept it in your being because love is unquestionably perplexing since it does come in different forms but the love Eros is one I can't come to circumstances with.

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Authors Note: This book was written a very long time ago and went by a different name. Some chapters were written by myself and others were written by UnknownMissGoddness. We have some chapters written together as well so keep that in mind when you come across some writing that may seem a bit different to my own writing. There are only a couple chapters written as this book was discontinued by myself and UnknownMissGoddness. I've decided to finish this book on my own as I love it too much to just give up on it.

Disclaimer:

This book contains abuse, sexual assault, harsh language and substance abuse. The characters within this book is NOT a reflection of these individuals. This story is fictional.

Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. 🩷