I crack my neck and try to sit up as straight as I can. This has been a long meeting.

My manager, Warren, is rambling about strategies and projections for sales. These things have to be discussed, but we talk about them so much. Sometimes I just want to live in the moment, but I always need to be planning months, if not more, into the future.

"His acoustic song was received positively online," Warren says while looking down at his notes in a seat next to me at the small conference table. It's just the two of us on video call with my record label back in LA.

Mikey from Cauldron Records responds while on the screen, his face lagging a few milliseconds behind his words. "But it isn't getting the same traction as the previous hits," Mikey says with a bored expression.

"That's because you guys are limiting how much I post using it on social media," I quickly respond. Warren licks his lips underneath his thick mustache and looks at the screen for Mikey to reply, probably about to tell me that I wasn't made for deviating from my past.

"You did play it without consulting with any of us first," Mikey says with some frustration. I know they won't be too harsh with me, because I bring them in so much money. That also means that they are even more worried about where my future is going to go. Everyone is walking on eggshells, likely knowing that I might do something stupid at any moment. I might make some questionable choices, but I don't want to ever fuck up my career.

"Because it's my music," I say sharply.

Warren exhales loudly. He and I know exactly where this is about to go. Mikey reiterates, "Bawdy, man, you know you're signed with us. I've been doing this so much longer than you. We're certain that staying on the same path of music is what's right for you. No one can pull it off like you."

I know he's sprinkling in that praise at the end to get at my ego. Jokes on him, my ego doesn't need him to inflate it. I know how good I am, and my confidence only makes me think I could succeed in branching out a bit. I wish the label would believe that I know what I'm doing.

We've been over this a million times. I basically sold my soul to the devil to work with them. Cauldron Records is one of the big bosses in the music world and signing with them skyrocketed my career. Being a part of their label, I'm enveloped with a high level of prestige and respect.

I was young and had so many labels knocking on my door after some covers and originals I did went viral online. There was a lot of pressure to sign quickly, and the deal was more money than I had ever seen in my life. I started off not making any money on music, so anything sounded better than nothing.

It's not even the money aspect that they're controlling with. It's the fact that I don't own the rights to my own music. At an earlier age, I barely knew what that meant. As long as the label and you are seeing eye-to-eye, then this usually isn't an issue at all. But in my case, it's starting to become a bigger problem.

"I'm not saying I'm going to 180 the music and start doing country," I say with an eye roll. This isn't even worth my breath, because I know I'm contractually obligated. "Just trying out some new things that I think the fans will love."

Mikey purses his lips. "Things that you think your fans will love. You think, but I know what the market wants."

I don't get why this guy's numbers and calculations have to drive everything. I know the types of emotions that I could evoke with some slower songs that hit a bit deeper than my songs about having a fun time in life. It's supposed to be about the fans, not the financial department. But, that's not the world we live in most of the time.

No wonder Cauldron brings in so much revenue each year. And with money comes a lot of respect and a lot of people who want to knock them out of the number one spot. Business maneuvers are tricky. Personally, I don't give a shit if people don't like me. The ones who actually care will care. And they're the ones I'm concerned about.

I keep my mouth shut. Mickey is annoying me, and I really don't want to talk with him any longer today. It's not even productive, and I need to get everything ready before Gianna gets here.

Warren and him wrap up the meeting, and I groan the second the call is ends. Actually, I might have presumptuously started groaning before the button was pressed. Just a way for me to confirm to Mickey that he was pissing me off.

"I'm really getting tired of all of this bullshit," I say to Warren while pushing my chair back in order to put my feet up on the table.

Warren gives me an understanding look. While he does need to have some voice of reason while managing me, I know he's on my side. "I've looked into the contract some more and really the only way to secure all of your future songs for yourself would to be to leave the label. You could eventually get your other music back if you buy it out."

At least I'm not being held against my will.

I hesitantly say to Warren, "I'm just worried it'd be the same shit if I sign with someone else." I've been starting to contemplate this for a bit, but I've never expressed it out loud yet. "Just spitballing, but what would you think about me starting up my own independent label?"

Warren shifts in his seat. "I mean, you have the resources to do it, but it'd be a lot of work. A lot more things for you to focus on. It'd be a lot since you're on tour too."

I'm not afraid to put in the time when I need to. "I'm seriously considering it more and more every day."

"You want me to talk with the lawyers about it?"

"Why not," I say, wanting to do things my way.

I got Chelsea assigned as my publicist through Cauldron Records, and I still wonder if they knew anything or played a role in trying to keep my image as it was. I'll never really know the answer to that, but at least I don't have to deal with her any more. My new publicist, Cameron, is happily married. Hopefully this means she will do her job and not try to get in my pants. It's sad that this is the bare minimum I'm expecting.

I've been a lot more on edge about my team and the people I trust. Having my own label would mean that I'd be the one in charge and calling the shots. I wouldn't be pulling strings and messing with others. I just want to create music and share it with others. No funny business.

While it would take some more man power to start up my own label, I also don't want to get too many new people involved. It can't be that difficult, especially if I really put my mind to it. I know I can handle this shit myself.

We finish up our meeting in the studio space that we're renting in downtown Amsterdam. I ride back in my town car to the penthouse that I'm renting. When I arrived, everything was already in place. I didn't have to do anything, and I was already moved in.

I still feel like I'm living in a showroom, but I'm sure I'll break the place in a bit during my time here.

I walk over to my couch and plop down next to a bunch of shopping bags. I had sent Macy shopping to get some welcome presents for Gianna. Macy was willing to move with her husband to Amsterdam to still work with me. I paid for all of their expenses, so it was a pretty easy choice for her. I'm happy I didn't have to try to replace her.

She quickly walks out of the kitchen and hands me a drink. "Thanks, Macy," I reply before she goes back into the kitchen to continue prepping me lunch. I'm hit with an aroma of fresh tomato soup cooking on the stove.

I knock my glass back and finish almost all of my drink. I've had a long day.

And my day is still going since we're leaving soon for a show in Belgium that I'm playing tomorrow. I have to meet some people for a dinner tonight there. What sucks the most besides the couple hour bus ride is that Gianna isn't landing until after I have to leave. I'm not going to see my baby until after I get back.

I told her just to come meet me in Brussels. Take a different flight and land there for the night. She's already missing the first two days of her program, so why not miss another. She got all sassy about how she can't be the outsider and is really excited about the program. It's cute to see her enthusiastic about it, but I really want to be sleeping in the same bed as her.

It feels so empty without her. Fuck, I'm really going soft, because I used to sleep alone so much before her. Sure, I could have a girl any night that I wanted, but sometimes we wouldn't even stay the night together. Just a quick fuck and then be done. It's never been like that with Gianna. I never knew how much I was missing out on entangling myself with someone in a non-sexual way.

She's somewhere over the ocean and doesn't have service anymore. When she did have service, she texted me all excited about how cute the mini salt and pepper shakers are. She couldn't get enough of them. And she also couldn't get enough of the wine being served as I deduced from her countless typos and excessive enthusiasm over spices.

I open my laptop and start looking into steps to starting my own label. There isn't a set formula for this stuff and not many people can pull it off, so there isn't some concrete list of exact steps to take. A lot of this is going to be on me to make it happen. I'm tired of people telling me what the fuck to do. I think this is the perfect time to try to make the change.

Being in a secure relationship now with Gianna, my confidence in life and my approach to my work has increased. She's such a positive force in my life. I would have never gotten out of my writing rut if it wasn't for her.

I just want to make her proud, which is why I'm nervous to bring up the independent label thing to her. While I can be as confident as I want, I know that nothing is a guarantee in life. I'm not ready to start failing at things, but if it's going to happen, this whole thing could really go up in flames.

Plus, all this business shit would probably just bore her. Girls only ever want me to sing them my next song. They never care about all of the other factors that go into my job. Gianna is different from them of course, but she already has so much on her plate.

Gianna thinks I'm so much cooler and put together than I really am. I need to make sure that this whole label thing is feasible, because I hate telling people about something and not being able to follow through. I never want to disappoint her.