"I don't even know what to say to them when I show up," I whine as I take the exit near my parent's house.

"Well, you can start with saying you need your passport to get as far away as possible, since they're undeserving of you," Bawdy replies over the phone. I want to wipe that sly smile off his face that I know he's wearing.

A response like that is valid given how they went behind my back and tried to get Bawdy and me to break up. They always raised me to be respectable and to tell the truth (even though I do lie to them sometimes, but it's for their benefit and my sanity), so it hurt even more to see people so kind and close to me stab me in the back. And the front. And the side. And right through the heart.

I've been better at standing up for myself, but that is still way too bold. "Very funny," I respond, knowing he was joking. "I'm not sure if an awkward silence would be better or not. Thankfully Jeanne won't be there."

I still don't even know if my sister was involved in the plot against Bawdy, but I can tell that she has never liked him. She's never liked a lot of decisions that I make in life. I'm not even that wild. I could be a lot worse of a child and sister. Maybe this is the push I need to fully let go and start fresh in another country for the semester. Do the exact opposite of what they want just to spite them and, most importantly, for my own enjoyment.

"Just try to get your passport as fast as you can and leave," Bawdy replies. "I'm sorry I'm not there to go with you."

I ordered my passport at the very last minute. Actually later than that seeing that the study broad orientation is today, and I'm still in California and not Amsterdam. How hard is it for the government to check that it's me and print my picture in a little booklet?

It sucks that I'm going to miss the beginning. I feel like I'm already being set up to fail, which is exactly what my parents hope is going to happen with this adventure. So I need to do my best not to fuck this up.

Bawdy kept delaying flying out to go with me, but he had to go for his first show that was last night out there. Even though I've seen him play so much at this point, I still wish that I was there to experience it with him. I know that there will be plenty more, but I haven't been to one of his shows since the last one I got a concussion at while crowd surfing.

It's nice that he had time off around the holidays, but I can tell how excited he is to get back to playing.

"Ugh, this is going to be horrible. I just need to get it over with," I say out loud but more to myself as I approach their street. Of course passports can only be sent to your permanent address and mine is still at my parent's house since I've just been renting an apartment for college. Switching over all of my information is going to be an after-I-graduate problem, but I first need to know what I'm doing and where I'm going to live. But first, the passport.

"You've got this, baby girl. I love you," Bawdy says. I just want to get there and wrap myself in his arms. I joked with him about just hiding in a suitcase to sneak into the country without my passport. He said that may run us into some issues when I'm going to be traveling with him for Europe shows. I'm trying to have the excitement of all the fun I'm going to have distract me from the pure panic bubbling in my veins.

I let out a shaky exhale. "I love you too. I'll call you when I'm done."

We end the call, and I sit staring at my parent's front door, trying to hype myself up to do this.

I couldn't bring myself to speak to them after finding out what they did. I sent a text saying how much their actions destroyed me, and they just said they were looking out for me and know what's best. I didn't bother responding after that. I didn't go home for Christmas, and I wouldn't even be visiting now if I didn't have to acquire my passport.

Relationships with parents are weird. People will just scream and argue but then go back to loving one another soon after. If this was just some friend, I feel like the relationship could be severed completely, but that's not really promoted when it comes to your family. I don't think we're going to jump up and down hugging one another, but I hope that it won't be horribly awkward.

I'm no where near being able to forgive them. I can't wait to put an even greater physical distance between us. They should be the ones begging for my forgiveness, but I swear they don't even realize how insane their actions had been.

I enjoy ignoring my problems a bit too much. I just don't like confrontation and always tend to separate myself from my worries to try to figure things out. Although when I tried to give myself time and space from Bawdy, that wasn't positive at all. But I'm stubborn and don't like to change how I approach things, especially since I get easily overwhelmed and respond rashly if I don't take my time. We're happily together now, and I wouldn't change anything since it could mean we wouldn't be at this exact moment in the present.

I'll get through this shit for him. For us.

I had to reach out to tell them it was getting shipped to their house, and my mom replied nicely about getting to see me. I just wanted to block their numbers to show them how it feels, but I didn't want to be stooping to their level.

After stopping myself from having a mental breakdown, I decide to just get this over with. Maybe it won't even be that bad. I always psyche myself out before doing things, making myself feel even worse when the actual task is never as bad as the anticipation. If I get this done, I can go fly out to Bawdy and have an amazing last semester of college.

Reluctantly, I knock on the door, and my mom opens it almost immediately. She always notices when I pull up and is ready to greet me. She also hates it when I sit in my car forever before entering, because I have a bad habit of doing that.

"Hi, Gianna!" She quickly pulls me into a tight squeeze before I can even react. Are we just going to pretend like everything is normal?

"Hey, mom, how are you?" I ask as I take off my shoes. I really don't plan on staying long, but she can't stand having any outside dirt potentially brought into her home.

She keeps her hands on my arms but steps back to take a good look at me. I try to keep a neutral expression on my face instead of annoyance. "I'm good, but I'd be better if you ever responded aside from when you need something.

Here we go.