You know what's horrible?

I was able to get through an anxiety attack, full on hyperventilating at 10:30 at night, feeling completely hopeless and alone, by thinking, 'I've been through worse.'

I went through worse than that when I was
ten years old.

I was talking to my friend, who has anxiety and possibly depression, (I don't know about the depression) and I said 'yeah I have anxiety too'

He said no you don't.

He said I didn't seem like the type of person with anxiety.

Are you kidding me.

Maybe it's not official, like doctor official, but most of my friends (most of which have some form of anxiety/depression) are not officially diagnosed with it.

Let me tell you of my adventures last night. I was trying to fall asleep, waiting for the melatonin to kick in, (because I have insomnia) and the unwanted thoughts came in, about how I'm a failure, and I'm dumb, and I'll never be as smart as my friends, and I just started all out crying. Now it was around 10:30, and my mom was in bed reading, and I went to get her when I wasn't crying too bad, but she'd been so tired I didn't want to bother her. My dad then went to bed, so he was no help. Usually after parents it's sister. I went to get her, and for some reason I just couldn't wake her up. She didn't need to hear my problems. So I sat and cried. I sat and hyperventilated, rocking back and forth on my bed, until I nearly passed out. So I sat my teddy bear in front of me, and I told myself I've been through worse, I can get through this.

But the thing is. I'm 13, why should I be going through this at all. It was like this when I was ten years old. Why should a ten year old have to have dealt with that. But there were so many times I was alone back in 2014/15. Cold lonely nights on the bathroom floor, terrified out of my mind and so totally alone, I could barely cope. But I made it through. So I guess at this point the message I'm trying to convey is that you got this.

It may seem bad now, but it gets better. I know from experience. I swear it gets better. You'll realize the thing scaring you, isn't actually there. You'll realize that you're at the end of the hellish road you survived. And months later, when you realize it, it'll feel really f*cking good.

So if you're ever having a really rough time, know that it will come to an end. As, sadly, all good things come to an end, so will all bad things.

A piece of advice though: if you are having a rough time, and I can't stress this enough

Get help.

It doesn't even have to be a therapist, it just had to be someone. Someone who will stand by you no matter what. Someone who will tell you whatever you're worried about isn't worth getting worried about. Someone who will comfort you and hold you while you cry. It's always better for someone else to tell you your worrying is useless, because (at least for me) telling yourself that everything's fine, literally never ever works.

When I was ten, I had no one to talk to, and no one who understood what I was going through. That made it ten times worse. So make sure you have someone who understands and will be kind and make you feel good no matter what. I think my anxiety isn't always that bad because I have someone to talk to. That someone is amazing, and she's made me feel so much better so many times.

So yeah. It gets better, and you will get through it, if I did, then you can too. I believe in you, so be happy.