20/05/20

I don't want to do school. I was gonna say I don't want to go to school, but I'm not really going to school at the moment.

It's just getting a little much. I get it's my fault, but I'm a little stuck with it.

I was trying to do work today (well, yesterday, it's midnight atm) and I started feeling really sick from thinking too much. Yes I was doing my work, but I was thinking about other stuff at the same time and it just threw me off so much

I was planning on doing more than 1 lesson of work today. Then that happened and then all I wanted to do after that was try to search for a distraction to help.

I'm a little scared to check my emails. I should do that now, but I don't want to. I feel like a pretty big disappointment when I do. To my teachers, parents, sister, and to my friends. I'm a bit of a mess, I'm sorry about that

I tried playing Minecraft, which made me laugh a little and shout a little. I straight up just yelled for a minute or so (my dad finds it funny when I just flat out yell for no reason so they don't care). I tried watching some anime crack videos, talked to some friends, watched some "... as vines" videos. They just brought really brief feelings. I know that sometimes we go through hard times and we can't always feel happy, but it just feels stupid that I've been feeling down for no reason.

I felt pretty empty and hollow, I still do. It feels like there's a hole inside my chest, and I feel kind of sick again.

A few people texted me whilst they were pretty high and happy, and I just tried to laugh and smile with them. I could, but it still just felt empty.

I just needed to rant, don't mind me 😅 Take care everyone! ❤️