12/9/19

I'm sorry the last chapters were a bit depressing and stuff. I was obviously feeling pretty low for some time, and a few cuts did kind of relieve some of my gathering stress. You guys on WattPad were really quick replying to my posts and really short chapters. I'm really sorry I gave up, and I sorry if I was bothering anyone with the constant announcements and updates. I've been clean for 3 months, I've broken that steak, but let's try to reach that again (I'm surprised at how I'm encouraging myself, woah)!

Ok, so, this really did happen to me. This will be familiar to one person (you know who you are). I was walking home from school with my boyfriend and a best friend. My boyfriend gives these special hugs that make me feel warm and safe and happy. I did something wrong, and he said that he wouldn't give my hugs if i did it again. I pouted and said I wouldn't do it again, and the other friend walking with us said, that tiny interaction was very much like a sub/dom relationship.

After we'd all reached our houses, I took the time to text our friend to see if we had heard them right. Yes, they had said that our interaction was like a sub/dom relationship. So, I asked them, who was top? And they said that they didn't know, because we both seem like switches.

HOW DO YOU REACT TO THAT?!?!?!

That did get me thinking though, what really was I? Because, I take no control over anything. I've played innocent for a long time. I'm pretty weak. I follow everyone. I'll follow every command, as long as it isn't wrong. So, I crossed 'top' off.

But that also got me thinking whether it was something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Whether you were a top, bottom, or a switch. Is there something wrong about it. However, I know some people on WattPad who won't hide what they are. They'll proudly talk about it, and I applaud them for it.

So is what you are something that should be spoken about? Or is it better to be hidden, and not spoken about?

Oh, also, a few days ago, in my swimming lesson, it was only me and this younger girl, so the teacher had more time to speak to us. She was speaking about her nails, and I just pointed out that I have pretty short nails. Right before I began swimming again, the teacher asked me if I have short nails because I bite them, or if I clip them short. All I said was "I can't bite anything because of my braces". I'm not sure how she took it.

I also saw this thing where it showed two reasons why you have short nails.
Reason 1) you're gay and/or a top
OR
Reason 2) you have depression and/or anxiety.

I'm honestly just waiting for the day when someone asks me if I have short nails because I'm a lesbian. I feel like the teacher possibly thought of me as one, also because I have a rainbow band around my wrist which I got at this LGBTQ+ party kind of thing in school. However, I have 3 reasons to... prove them wrong?
1) I am not a top, no, nope, sorry.
2) I'm not a lesbian, I is a pan cherry
3) I have short nails because since I could bite stuff, I've been biting my nails. So for around 10 years now. Since I grew up with always biting my nails and keeping them short, it feels uncomfortable when they are long. So basically, long nails are uncomfortable for me

OK, BAI FOR NOW