I've sort of disappeared from Wattpad, which I didn't want to do.

Writing just isn't fun for me anymore. I go to update, but the pressure of what people will think after not updating for months is crushing. It's a chore, a burden, a fear. All I want is to finish my old WIPs - the worldbuilding guide (really finished and edited), The Irish Emporium, Katie and the Unicorn Quest.

I'm sick of these. They've been sitting around, and I want to forget about them. Historical fiction just isn't my thing, I like to be creative. The guide needs so much editing done, and someone has also requested a chapter that will take a long time. Katie had so much potential, but I burned myself out in the novella challenge.

But my other WIPs - The Good Healer, Magic Can Take You Places (I want to change the title to something snappier), and other vague ideas I have inside my head - I care about them. They have so much creative potential, I care about the characters more (I don't hate the others, but these newer characters have more personality) and I'm just generally more excited about them.

I'm a way I've given up on my dreams of being an author. I never thought I would say that, it's been a dream for years, but I don't think I'm fit for the cutthroat world of publishing. I started writing on Wattpad for fun, but over time it became more about working towards getting published - harsh reviews, editing, etc. But all the advice about plot points and characters arcs and grammar and editing and everything was too much.

I wrote as a way to escape. But then I focused on being the best and pleasing others, instead of doing it as a fun hobby. That's also how I stopped coding. I have over 800 followers on the app I used. Hundreds of hours of learning and answering questions until I hit a brick wall. I made so many friends. In a way I want to start that profile over and re-learn everything, but I would lose my codes and my friends.

On a more positive note:

Your girl likes girls! And guys, and non-binary pals, and basically everyone.

I'm beauty, I'm grace, I'm super pan and ace :D

I'm still demiromantic and asexual, but with added panromantic-ness as well :)

This summer has been wild, and not always in a good way. I'm making a lot of decisions about my future at the moment, but disappearing from my friends here was not a good way to cope. I can't make any promises about the future, but whatever happens, I can say that this summer has been a time of growth for me, despite being difficult, and I've learned a lot about myself and the world around me.

I'm hoping the last third of 2019 will be far better than the first two thirds. Here's to autumn, the end of a difficult summer, and a new chapter of life!