So, I might not be on much tonight guys and for the next week I will be on a mission trip so I won't be able to get on. The reason I might not be on tonight is because I just feel really depressed. My mom was yelling at my sister again and called her a monster. Whenever someone else gets yelled at, I feel like it's my fault too. I just wanted to say sorry guys for some times saying depressing or sad things, I've just had such a hard time trying to think about myself positively my whole life. It got worse in seventh grade when I was on an app called Mighty Monsters and role played and talked on there, but my parents didn't want me too. I knew I should have listened, they were only looking out for my safety yet they didn't know how much the people on there meant to me. It was like I finally had a family, one that didn't feel cold and hurt and made me feel abandoned and unloved. They made me feel so happy, they helped me realize that I wasn't worthless and basically was the only thing I looked forward to when I went home from school.
But of course my parents found out and forced me to delete it, and that's when I really started to hate myself. That night my mom cussed me out and for quite a while after was hostile towards me and sometimes pushed me I guess because she was so mad. I blamed myself for losing them, it was all my fault, my mom's hateful words just built up in me everyday so much so that I constantly just wanted to cry and constantly wanted to stab myself to death. I usually wouldn't eat lunch, just sit there and think about the ones I lost, and sometimes I would lay my head on the table and cry. I've gotten better since then, but if I ever do seem a bit off, it's just because she might have said something or yelled at someone which kind of triggers me back into that state of depression.
You guys have made me so happy though, and I am so glad I joined and met you all, I love you! <3