Translated from a piece of writing in Chinese: https://meteorheart1220.pixnet.net/blog/post/349803199-%e3%80%90%e9%96%83%e9%9b%bb%e5%8d%81%e4%b8%80%e4%ba%ba%e3%80%9152%e8%b5%ab%e8%8c%b2%28%e5%a3%ab%e9%83%8e%e7%af%87%29

“tsuya… Atsuya…” Fubuki Shirou unconsciously flailed his hands in the air as if he was trying to grab something. He woke up from the nightmare breathing heavily. Eyes looking around blankly, it took him a while to realize that he was in his own room.

Despite being wide awake, he still lay on his bed for a few minutes before sitting up.

The alarm clock showed that it was 4:05 midnight - five hours from when he fell asleep, but he felt as if he had lived another life.

The dreams were getting more real.

The nightmare in which he lost his family, and lived on his last legs, all alone.

It was about half a month ago when Shirou started having nightmares.

At first, he forgot about the details when he woke up, only remembering that it was a nightmare that he would never want to remember again.

Starting from approximately the third time, the scenes from the dreams started randomly appearing in his mind. They were not consistent, simply piecemeal scenes.

The most frequent one was looking at the faraway northern mountains from different angles.

At roughly the sixth time, he had managed to guess that the point of view in his dream was him, or should we say, another “Fubuki Shirou”.

Unlike him, “Fubuki Shirou” preferred to be on his own, but he would sometimes talk to himself, as if he was talking to someone.

At the eight time, the dream proved a guess that he had thought of but purposely ignored - the “Fubuki Shirou” in the dream, lost his family.

Even Atsuya, who he thought would never leave him, lost his life in the avalanche.

At first, although he was frightened, he could convince himself that it was just a dream. As scary as the nightmare is, he will wake up from it.

But from three days before, he found that he started to feel empathetic for his dream self. The negative emotions were like freezing seawater, flowing through his limbs and veins, dragging him into the dark abyss. It got harder for him to escape the dream.

The growing feeling of suffocation seized his heart, and refused to let go.

Now, as soon as Atsuya leaves his line of sight, he would feel as if he was suffocating without reason.

Even though he tried his best to cover it up, Atsuya would more or less had noticed it.

This was probably the cause of the younger brother repeatedly asking him if he was okay this morning.

But he just couldn't get the words out of his mouth. He didn't want to bother his brother with this dream of his.

“…Hm.” Lightly rolling of his bed, he hesitated for a second, before deciding to go to his brother's room to check on him.

This was his third consecutive night of sneaking into his brother's room.

Although he knows this is stupid, he had to do this to soothe the overwhelming fear, and the pain that felt like being torn apart.

Until now, Shirou thought that Atsuya was the reliant one.

Until, in his dreams, he woke up under the bright white lights on a hospital bed, all alone.

Until, in a daze, he was told that his family had lost their lives.

Until, his mischievous younger brother, had turned into a memory.

And the only thing he could entrust was the bloodied scarf that Atsuya wore in the accident.

He finally understood that it wasn't simply Atsuya needing him. Even though he was the older brother, he needed Atsuya.

Now that he thinks about it, it really isn't clear, which brother needs the other one.

He made sure to open the door without any sound. Unlike him, Atsuya never locks the door.

This bad habit of his actually helped the older brother here, since Shirou didn't know how to pick locks.

Even if he did, reverting the scene would be a hard task.

After all, he wouldn't want Atsuya to see him as a perverted brother who sneaks into his room every night.

After carefully closing the door and making sure he didn't make too much noise, he heaved a sigh of relief.

But turning around, he saw Atsuya at a sitting position, staring at him without a trace of sleepyness in his eyes.

Shirou was frozen on the spot, not knowing what to do.

“A-Atsuya-I…” He didn't know how to explain. After all, it's pretty hard to think of an excuse for sneaking into someone else's bedroom at midnight.

“So you finally came. It's already four o' clock, I thought you weren't coming.” Atsuya looked at the time on his smartphone. 4:20, one hour later than the last two nights. He was already planning to go to his brother's room to check if he's okay.

“Huh? What do you- wouldn't that mean…” Fubuki Shirou's eyes were wide, his face was white. He thought, “Atsuya sleeps like a rock, how would he had known?

Even more, he knows that I was late this time, so wouldn't that mean he didn't sleep in the last two nights?”

“When did you notice?” Shirou asked with a bitter smile on his face. He never thought that there would be a time where he would be set up by his own brother.

“It was two days ago I guess. But shouldn't I be asking you this question? When did you start sneaking into my room?” Atsuya tried to speak in a calm tone, as even with only the dim moonlight, he could see that his brother face was like that of a vampire, which hurt his heart.

This also further strengthened his determination to get the truth from Shirou today.

He didn't really have any problem with his brother sneaking into his room at midnight, but Shirou's recent abnormality is forcing him to face this matter.

Pulling his brother onto his bed at a sitting position and turning on the lamp on the table, Atsuya looked at Shirou with a stern look on his face that says, “I'm not letting you go until you tell me what happened”.

Unable to withstand those eyes which looked like they were going to completely dissect him, Shirou looked away from Atsuya.

“It's two nights ago… I started to do so from two nights ago.” He didn't think that he would have such “good luck”, to be caught red handed by his brother on the first night.

“Really? You aren't lying right?” Atsuya asked doubtfully. If that was true, then him randomly waking up on that night would be as if he felt his brother's abnormality. “Even if that's the case, you've been acting up lately, as if you're worried about something. What happened big bro? What is it that you can't tell me and our parents?”

From what he knows about his brother, it would take something very serious to make the normally calm Shirou act so abnormally.

Even after using all of his brainpower, he still couldn't fit the pieces together, and could only get to the conclusion that his brother is being clingy to him these days.

Even when he tried to beat around the bush or directly ask, when Fubuki Shirou doesn't want to say something, attempting to get the words out of his mouth was as hard as finding a needle in a haystack.

At last, Atsuya decided to not sleep at all to wait for his brother to come, so he would be forced to tell him the truth.

“… Dreams.” After thinking twice, Fubuki Shirou came to the conclusion that his brother won't let him leave until he confesses what happened.

Without any choice, he decided to let this hard to tell truth out of his mouth, “I had been having similar nightmares every night, for probably half a month or so.”

“Nightmares?” Hearing the unexpected truth, Atsuya seemed slightly stunned. He would never imagine that the reason why his brother was acting up would be nightmares.

“Yes. At first I just brushed them off, but then, they got more real, and they lasted for longer and longer.” The memories from the dream came again like a cold gust, and Shirou subconsciously shrunk his shoulders. Even though his surroundings were warm, he felt cold all over his body. “In the past few days, I even started having trouble differentiating between the nightmares and reality.”

“I didn't know if it was just a dream… or if it is a truth that I'll never wake up from.” He lowered his head, his slightly long hair blocking his face, so his brother couldn't see his expression. “So, I wanted to check on you, to make sure you are still on my side.”

“To confirm that the tragedy… is just a nightmare.”

But he never had the courage to touch Atsuya, in fear of like the dream of “Fubuki Shirou”, the younger brother would disappear.

So Shirou could only repeatedly and repressively call his brother's name quietly. He hoped that Atsuya would answer, but at the same time he doesn't want to disturb his sleep. After he finally manages to calm himself down, he silently returned to his room.

“Tragedy…?” Atsuya sharply noticed that this “tragedy must be the cause of his brother's abnormality. “It frightened big bro so much… what nightmare is this…? Make sure that I'm still by your side? Of course I would be! Where would I be if I wasn't?”

Shirou's attitude disturbed Atsuya. He had never seen his calm and confident brother, who has become the captain of the soccer team despite being a second year, in such a fragile state.

Hearing what his brother said, wouldn't that mean that in the dream, he has already…

“It's just a dream. Throw away those unneeded thoughts.” Atsuya held Shirou's shoulders, forced him to turn to himself and said, “No matter what happens in the dream, I will still be here, safe and sound. So don't you worry, I won't leave big bro no matter what happens.

Even if you find me annoying after you grow up, I will always stick to you and refuse to leave. You have been warned!”

“Mmm…” Shirou held Atsuya's hand, and he seemed slightly relaxed. The younger brother's warmth soothed his heart.

Unlike his cold constitution, Atsuya had a high body temperature, the complete opposite of the utterly icy dream.

He remembers that at some cold winter nights when he was small, he would always tuck into his brother's bed or sometimes Atsuya tucked into his. Their mother finally decided to get them a bigger bed to both sleep in.

They had been using the same room, until when Atsuya started going to middle school last year.

But every time Atsuya couldn't sleep or was too scared to go to the toilet by himself after watching a horror movie, he would knock on the older brother's door.

After a few times, he decided to get another pair of the keys for his room to Atsuya.

However, the roles were switched this time: it was him barging into his brother's room.

“Atsuya.” Shirou leaned forward and buried his head in his brother's chest, with his arms hugging the other. He could feel the warmth in the younger brother's chest. (Translator's note: I'm not sure what words to use, so please forgive me for making this sound gay)

“Bro?” Subconsciously hugging back, Atsuya was slightly surprised, as ever since they started attending middle school, his brother had never done such intimate actions, although the older brother would not refuse these actions if they were from Atsuya.

“Atsuya, you are important to me, more important than anything.” Shirou said lightly, while keeping their position that was seemingly too close for two brothers.

In the past, he had always admonished Atsuya that there are other people in this world, and that he should learn to be considerate for and get along with others.

It was only until the dreams did he realize, if he lost Atsuya, his world would lose all its colour.

Without Atsuya, he is nothing.

Without Atsuya, his life is but a long torture.

“I already knew that.” Atsuya didn't understand why Shirou mentioned this now, but it didn't stop him from replying, “It's the same for me. Big bro is more important than anything to me.”

He daren't imagine a world without his brother.

To Atsuya, excluding his parents, there are only two kinds of people in the world: his brother, and everyone else.

So, he never understood why Shirou always wants him to be good friends with his classmates.

He only needed his brother, what people think of him doesn't matter.

“Indeed… I'm such an idiot, taking so long to figure it out. Maybe Atsuya is the smarter one.” Shirou let out his first sincere smile ever since the nightmares came.

“I'm not going back to my room, as long as Atsuya is beside me, it doesn't even matter whether I have nightmares.” Using a bit of force to pull Atsuya onto the bed, he rolled the blanket over both of them.

As long as Atsuya is beside him, no matter how scary or realistic of a dream he goes through, he will be able to find himself.

No matter how deep into the ocean the nightmares drag him, the powerful sunlight that is Fubuki Atsuya will always shine on him and wake him up.

“No matter what happens, I'll protect big bro.” Lying down alongside his brother, Atsuya made himself comfortable under the covers.

“No.” Shirou turned around to face Atsuya and said, “It's not you protecting me, or me protecting you.”

“No matter what happens, don't take it on alone, let's do it together. Atsuya will feel sad because of my pain, just like how I tried to hide my nightmares from you, and it only made you worry even more.”

“To me, if Atsuya takes on the pain by himself, I will feel sad, so don't try to be tough.”

“Only when we are together, are we perfect.”

“I already know that.” Atsuya scratched his face. He isn't as eloquent as his brother, but felt the same.

“We will always, always be together. No one can take us apart. Not even god.” Shirou said the sentence softly, but his eyes were as determined as swearing an oath.

“Yes. Not even god.” Atsuya replied, influenced by the older brother's determination. The two of them looked at each other and smiled.

--

In the silent winter night, two teenagers of similar age hugged each other into dreamland under the covers, as if they were never letting go of each other ever again.