I AM SO EXCITED OML WKSOOSOSOSOOOSOSOSOSOSSOSOOSOOSOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSISISOSOSOSOSOSOSISODODKSISIDIDISIKSOOSKSKSISKSKSKSOSOOSOSOSOSOOSOOSOOWOSOSOWOSOOSOSOSOSOSOOSOSOSSOKSOSOSOSOSOSOOSOS

MY BIRTHDAY IS CLOSE AND I CAN FINALLY BE A YOUTAITE SOON!!!! IM GONNA GET A MIC AND OTHER STUFF FOR MAH BDAY AHHHHH I CANT WAIT!!!

ILL SING COVERS OF ANY JAPANESE SONGS YASSSSS IM SO EXCITEDDDD KSOSSOSOSO

KSOSOOAOSOOSOSOOAOSOOSOA

ISOSOSOOSOISSIOSOSOOSOOOSOSOS

KSOSOSOOSOSOOWOOSS0OSISOW

SORRY I CANT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!!!!!!

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Also I noticed I haven't been that active in wattpad lately. I mean I love reading and all but I'm also kinda busy. Why am I kinda busy? Well haha....I mostly do anime stuff rn and sing in smule.

I feel kinda lonely lately so I wanted to change things up a bit. I started talking to more people online who love what I love. I went to Discord and joined Osomatsu-San servers and even the youtaite servers. (If ya don't know what's Discord....it's basically an app that lets you talk with people in servers wwwww)

But I'm really just so happy that I found a lot of people I can talk to. I've also been ya know singing a lot lately and learning a lot of japanese songs. I have to since I'm part of two singing groups in smule XD. I'm also veryyyyyy busy with school these days and life is getting kinda harder for me because I'm about to graduate from Junior High........

Idek what I want to be......I feel scared? I'm being pressured a lot by my family and I swear I'm about to go crazy ;w;

I reallllllyyyyyyyyy want to write stories here but I really have no time though. I didn't say I don't want to though, I would still write when I have the time or a spark of inspiration or motivation. I'm not even sure what to do with my filipino horror stories ⊙^⊙. If I do write though....I'll probably write Osomatsu-San stories.......specifically lemon stories ༼ ͡° ╭ ͜ʖ╮ ͡° ༽

I feel like this is gonna turn into a venting session soon ahaha. Uh-oh it's turning into one oh nu XD. These days.....I just really feel like giving up. Like killing myself? I can't even explain why. My anxiety is getting worse even my PTSD. Plus I lost all of my friends in real life already. I know there are people there for me online but.....I also want someone to be there for me irl.

I mean I'm not even good at doing anything. I'm trash.....I have no talent. My singing kinda sucks? My writing is also shiet plus I can't even draw. One of my biggest sins is probably envy......I always get jealous at other people's lives. Why are they so happy? Why are they loved so much? Why do they have friends unlike me?

Soooo because of those thoughts, I decided to change a bit irl. I started becoming more cheerful and happy-go-lucky. I tried being a little more confident and social. I tried doing good things for others.....but.....how come I still feel so empty? Why do I still feel dead.....why do i still feel like killing myself?

It's unfair.....why can't I just be happy like others?......I'm already making an effort to be happy......but it's not working. I don't even know for how long I can be happy. This is getting really angsty lmao but it's true anyway. I mean...I've been physically and emotionally abused....I've also been bullied and I experienced a lot of losses and heartbreaks so it kinda makes sense why I'm like this now.

You know.....I was on the verge of killing myself a few months ago when my ONLY best friend left me because I was weird. He also said that he doesn't like me and that I'm immature and childish. He was always there for me.....I finally thought that I'm gonna have a best friend for life but I was sooooooo wrong.

He left me all alone....crying. Not even my family wanted to comfort me. I was going crazy at that time, my family just called me over-sensitive and dramatic which made me feel even worse. My best friend left a hole in my heart.....and my whole personality changed when he left me.

He basically amplified my anxiety and paranoia. I got depressed for more than 3 months.....in those months I would cry at nothing and not eat at all. I really wanted to kill myself...I felt lonely......I mean Aquarii_Star was there for me and KaitlinAnnetteDavis was there for me. But we have different timezones......and I sometimes just felt like they don't even want to talk to me anymore because of my annoying problems.

I hated myself for being so depressed at that time and I really was gonna hang myself but Kate stopped me from doing so. (Thank you kate ;-;). She gave me hope and some will to live. I don't really remember what she said but she made me realize a lot of stuff. I also got inspired by her story.....it's just sooooo relatable.

I'm still kinda suicidal now but I try not to let it control me. I'm a stronger person now and i know there's people who's gonna miss me when I'm gone(hopefully?). This is getting so dramatic omg XD. But anyway I just kept praying to God.....everyday. Whenever I have no one to talk to I just talk to him.

I just prayed for happiness and for blessings to come. Guess what? A LOT of blessings did come. Smule happened.....anime happened......youtaites happened....Osomatsu-San happened.......and I just met so much people from that point. So finally......I have something to be happy about....for how long tho.....XD.

Shietttt I'm so sorry if this bored anyone or wasted someone's time. Nobody would want to read this anyway right???? I just needed to vent so badly. I'm actually fine rn.....I'm just a little sad that's all. Plus my head kinda hurts siisisisosisiisis

Anyways......I'm really sorry for wasting time....I probably didn't make any sense whatsoever. I'm just gonna go back to what I was doing lmao.

Oh yeah I'm gonna be writing something soon too. Osomatsu-San X Male! Reader lemon stories ༼ ͡° ╭ ͜ʖ╮ ͡° ༽༼ ͡° ╭ ͜ʖ╮ ͡° ༽

Well this was.......random? Okie bye then XD *goes back to looking at yaoi*