If I died, who would care?

I just wanna know.

My parents are too caught up in how "bad" of a kid I am, and my friends have their lives going for them.

The empty nothingness, seems so soothing when compared to the life I've been living.

Oh, the life I've been living isn't considered one to be worth living anyway.

Or maybe I'll just drink until my life is drowning in the alcohol rather than the sadness.

Maybe I'll smoke some pot like C wanted me to, he was so insistent on how much it "helped" him.

Maybe I'll just sit here, and suffocate in my sadness as I go mad from the heartache.

I'm alone.

No matter how hard I try, it's not enough, so I'm done bothering.

Maybe I'll go for a walk, and seep with boredom as I cry again and again.

I'm lonely.

All I ever wanted, was a happiness I could say was real.

But no matter how hard I try, everything and everyone fades away.

Everyone leaves me, or is bound to leave me someday.

No matter what I do, how good of a person I try so hard to be, it doesn't matter.

Nothing does.

If I died, who'd ACTUALLY care?

The only reason I refuse to go, is because I'm trying so hard to believe, that at some point, everything will be okay again.

If I take my life, I'll never get the love I crave from a significant other.
If I take my life, I'll never get the chance to become someone.
If I take my life, I'll never be proud of myself.

The future can hold so much, but it can also hold so little.

That's why suicide is a gamble.

I don't know what I can make of myself, or if I can make anything of myself.

But, I'll keep myself alive long enough to figure it out, so don't worry about me.

If I could just become something, something loveable.. It would make such a difference.