I'm growing with some struggles when trying to identify my gender. As a kid, I used to pretend that I'm a boy, so I could play around with other brothers, do the things only boys are allowed to do. A little bit hilarious when the phrase "I'm so handsome" come to my mind from the moment I could remember a thing until the 8th grade when my family decided that I have to be more girly with the dresses and long hair.

The first time in my life, I felt uncomfortable to change my normal way to some things I thought it's not belong to myself. But I had no choice to accepte the fact that I'm a girl. Then, I started to keep my hair until it's considered long enough to be a girl. However, I didn't like to wear dresses, so my family allowed me to not wear them. Even though, I looks more girly now, I still can not act like a feminist, because it's just the way I am, can not chage.

When you're a kid, have you ever imagined a friend so that person could play with you whenever or wherever? I also were that kid, however, I mostly imagined a person (mostly girls) that I had a love affair with, that person will love me unconditionaly. Those imagination's growing with me, it changes to be more varities in types, characters, places and so on. I could be a price or princess, or a very rich person but I have a difficult childhood, then some one will appear wo save me and love me. I could be a famous single or actor who is lonely and wait for love. I could be a samurai who is so strong that no one can attack successfully, but his/her family cannot accept her. Sometime, I might even be a Chinese ancient king, who had so many power, but so isolated and need to rescue inside his heart.