I stood in the doorway, looking at the newly finished room proudly. It had taken time, very precious time, but I had been happy to give it up for this. My children would have a room to come home to now.

Still... I had made them wait... I would need to punish myself again. Something that was getting hard to do.

After all, is it still punishment if you enjoy it?

--------

I watched the water, red with my blood, run down the drain of the shower as I stood there. The pleasant burn of the more recent cuts on my body sent a shiver down my spine. My breath caught as one of my hands reached up to slowly touch one of the bleeding lines, tracing the bloody patterns on my skin over and over.

I could feel my heart begin racing as I began to think of showing my Shina what I have done for her, of having her seeing how important she is to me, of her eyes roaming my body as she sees her name branded on me, proof of how much she owns me. Mind, body and soul are hers. Just as she will be mine once more.

Ah Shina. Sweet Shina. Perhaps I will have you write on my back again when I find you.

You can even add our childrens' names to yours.

Unless they are old enough to do it themselves.

--------

I stood glaring at the old man before me, not liking the news he gave me. I know this is where my sweet Shina had lived once. Even with a different paint job, I could feel memories trying to stir when I saw it. She had been here. I had seen her here once, I know I had. Why wasn't she here though? Why had she not been brought back?

Did they know that I would come looking for them again? Did they know I was looking for them right now? I would have to be careful about not leaving loose ends behind in my search. I'd been too easygoing so far, not cleaning up after myself often enough. What if they had already found out how close I was getting?

Looking again at the old man before me, I gave him a kind smile. "Do you mind if I come inside for a moment? I need to use the bathroom."

My smile grew bright as I stepped inside.

--------

I stared at the manor before me. This was were everything lead to, every trail, every hazy memory. This was where she had been taken, even if she wasn't there now. She had been here, so close to me at one point. If I had but remembered earlier, I might have had her in my arms right now. But I hadn't. Instead I had been thinking how much I didn't even want to remember my past.

I'd failed her with that thinking.I smiled as I brought out my knife. Time for some punishment. I felt a sweet thrill race up and down my spine. Yes, I really was enjoying my punishments far too much, not that I would stop either way. I wonder if Shina would be willing to punish me once in a while?

The thought of it made my heart race as a dark blush spread on my face. I hope she says yes.