9-3-15
You need to be happy.
She said
As if I had full control.

I pass the church twice everyday,
And I get that feeling where I forget what it's like to breathe correctly
And I wonder if you're inside.
I miss the smell of that building,
The scent of paper and something totally unique in the air when you walk in,
And the way the colored lighting felt like home,
The carpet felt like home,
You guys are my home
And I am forced to live without that.

I have a summer of a million memories there.
Like the time a bunch of teenage kids filled the building for 12 hours at a lock in.
Like the time we had an altar call and we cried and you sang softly
And somehow, that made it all better yet made me want to cry more.
Like the time I realized we are family
And nothing breaks that.
Like the time I told you I cut and you talked me through it.
Like the time we worked at the fair with you guys and it rained and I exchanged bands with a sweet red head from the church.
Like the time we prayed to start our mornings off.
Like the time you couldn't believe I hadn't seen Big Hero 6.
Like the time we started the group hugs.
You made my summer worth it.

Every breath feels like a stab to my soul.
Every second feels like death.
Every thought is about you and Jesus, the three of you are on my mind alot.

Today a girl said Jesus' name the way you do,
The emphasis on 'sus'.
She told me you said sang yesterday
And she filled me in on everything I missed
And I wanted to curl up and cry.
I need to see you guys.
- (m.m)

This probably makes no sense and is sucky to you but I wanted to let it all out.