January 18 2020

They come and go through my cluttered mind
As I look around, I don't know what I'll find
A memory of words that stab like a knife?
How about memories seemingly from a different life?

An ache so small but has always been there
Growing so heavy, so hard to bear
A cloud of gray looming across the sky
A dystopian future, a life so dry

All the things I should do but still haven't done
All the success, all the victories I've won
But at what cost will I fight this war?
Inside my mind, how will I get far?

All feels hopeless, futile, wrong
Incorrect notes being sung on a song
Despite the moments of brief joy
I go back to emptiness seeking a ploy

The Lord watches and tries to guide
As I stay cooped up in the darkness to hide
It's  quiet in here, perfect to rest
Demotivated and numb, I'm no guest

I lay dormant but hoping for a change
Knowing the necessary thing for exchange
I have to move, I have to act
I have to fight and try to get back

These thoughts are water and I can't swim
They drown me and I'm still alive on a whim
I am barely afloat, I'm afraid what might be
I hope someday, the light, I'll see