TW: "Suicidal Thoughts And Depression And Grief"

Hey, Guys, it's me and after so long I finally returned to this book and the others and I know you probably wondering "Why hasn't Bran or Brandon updated in a while?" "Did he quit writing on Wattpad?" "What happened to Bran or Brandon?"

Well let's just say no, I have not quit writing on Wattpad I'm trying to do new stories and the reason I haven't updated in a while is that let's just say over the summer in 2018 it got dark and sorta depressing for a while. Someone in my family that we all loved so dearly had passed... And I'm not going to say who because of personal reasons.

But when that happened it made me feel like a mess. Because I wasn't prepared for any of this and it was just a normal day and then it just happened. I didn't want to believe it, I was thinking positive thoughts and hoping everything was alright... But when I saw them lying lifeless in front of me it hurt me and I broke down crying because I wasn't ready... I didn't want to accept it but yet it happened.

I understand that death is a natural process of life but it hurts. But after that, I was strong in ways but dark things came into play in my mind like wanting to overdose myself or cut myself till I lose the feeling in my body. I would sometimes even pour pills in my hand and look at them but didn't go through with it.

Things got worse as time went on with being a sophomore in school and getting bullied, losing energy to do the things I loved, feeling drained, and such.

Had a toxic friendship with someone and they told people about my sexuality which I thought I could trust her enough but apparently not but I know one of her embarrassing moments. Rejection of a football player who specifically said he doesn't date fat b***hes and cried your eyes out.

But back to the update.

In junior year, I broke down from getting bullied one time and felt like I shouldn't exist and I'm worthless but eventually, I got help by talking to a mental health therapist and well it turns out I got generalized anxiety, depression, and insomnia.

I got medicine for it and it sort of help whenever I need it cause some days I'm good and days I'm bad. Although I realize I don't like looking people in the eyes much and like to just mess with my fingers.

Senior year well it was horrible I had online classes, no motivation, broke down badly at one point, and failed.

But I decided to take summer school and become successful no matter what anyone says. I want a new chapter and to have a new start somewhere else. As a 19-year-old, it is time I've got my shit together. I got in some relationships and those didn't last with mainly one always on and off in a way but I started thinking "I'm good being single for the time being and eventually I'll find love when I feel it".

But there have been other crazy things to happen like I lost my great grandma last month I believe and I got in a poetry competition for the first time junior year. I won't lie I have missed Wattpad a little but sometimes it's like would I even have a following still? Could I still make new virtual friends? Does anybody even still wanna read my stories?