My shyness is a weird little place that can take something happy and make it into something bad or clumsy like I'll just be happy and then boom something bad happens but honestly I don't even know anymore anyways I never been to prom or any school dance because I've always been embrrassed to show up because of how I look and how some people treat me honestly it's kind of sicking to see people treat others like crap and admire your own self and make others around you do the same well here's what I got to say to that GROW THE FREAK UP like literally I see so much happen to a person and you break their tempers but there's another thing that has me Shook and scared is that people say shy people tend to go crazy and kill people in school which is like saying I would do that but I'm not that freaking dark to do that sure I may have bad and dark thoughts from time to time but I don't do stuff like that plus one time there was a man named Mr.Turner who told somebody who bullied me that shy people tend to go crazy and I could end up shooting the school and I was like What the hell?! It had me shock but the thing is I don't mess with people I'm the quiet type at school because I don't really like to talk to people unless I know them very well but somehow trouble seems to find it's way to everyone including me but I try to ignore it but it breaks my heart little by little because I feel weak to do anything about it and I literally want to do something about it like go to the teacher or somebody for help but   I have trust issues with people like literally so much has happened to me that I literally can't trust people, don't try to tell anybody my feelings because I feel nobody cares and I don't want to make anybody unhappy and feel pity for me, I sometimes talk bad about myself because I think I have nothing unique about me all I am is a lame person who doesn't like his own self, my mind seems unstable at times and I just want to scream my emotions out to just feel better and not have so much stress for me, if anybody ask me if I'm fine I just say yes because I can't have the courage to tell anybody my feelings, sometimes I think I am pathetic and just let people walk over me because I'm too generous and kind meanwhile I see these other fucking bastards being happy and friendly while I feel darkness and sadness and my heart along with stupidity, I just want to accept that the past is the past but I can't because my heart hasn't been happy for me but what do I want most in life?!? I want my family and friends to be happy but I still haven't thought about me one bit so I just can't explain my feelings because I'm not perfect nobody is perfect even though I feel everybody is better than me but the thing is I'm scared to go back to school especially high school because I'm seeing the same people aka some bullies and I'm going to be not so happy once again because nobody cares for how you feel or when you push somebody to the limit they would mostly laugh right now as I'm saying this I keep crying because I'm so mad and heartbroken that I don't know how to feel anymore.

I know you're sick and tired me bringing up the same sort of stuff but get over it.