-Note: What the fuck am I writing anymore. I'm so sorry. This was to establish feeling and characters but it's just fan service that gets the point across basically. Enjoy my trash.-

(Nagito's POV)

I flopped down onto the bed completely spread out and smiled up at the ceiling.

"What magnificently shining hope! I knew she would rise above the rest!"

I let out a heavy bliss-filled sigh and turned over to my side, grabbing my pillow and hugging it close to my chest.

"Hhaaaaahh...I'm going to be up all night thinking about it! So beautiful...so...so beautiful..."

Suddenly I found myself softly chuckling to myself and blushing.

"Hmmm...this feeling is...odd..."

I stopped my laughing and held the pillow a slight bit closer and dug my face into it.

"(Y/N)-San...why can't I get you out of my head...even before you hadn't shown me your incredible hope, I still couldn't help but have you in the back of my mind..."

I found my eyebrows furrowing into a more serious expression.

"Why do I feel like this...how am I...?...no...I cant...even if I do I can't..."

Turning onto my back again and letting the pillow lay there resting on top of my forearm, I let out another heavy sigh and allow the bit of my white hair that rests in front of my face and slightly covers my nose fall off to the side. I continue looking up at the ceiling deep in thought, gazing up at it as if it would give me an answer to my problems. As I thought about it more and more, flashbacks of the past clouded my head and infected my thought process once more.

"This luck..." I mumble. "Dammit..."

Lifting myself from the bed and neatly straightening out my sheets, I walk into the bathroom and turn on the sparkling clean shower. Water flows down the steaming glass door and I can't help but admire the sight of the water lightly dripping down. It's freedom made me smile and reassure myself that everything will be fine, all of my previous thoughts I had been drowned with being once again pushed to the back of my head only to be replaced with the pleasure-filled thoughts of the hope for the future and the greatness of my fellow peers. Stretching and yawning, I began removing my clothing piece my piece until I was left in my lucky pair of checkered boxers. Humming as I began retrieving a towel and hanging it up on the rack for when I was done cleaning myself, the camera in the corner of the room caught my eye just like it always does. Staring it down, just as always before I am about to get fully undressed, the camera turns away to face my bed and I smile before opening the shower door, removing my boxers, and stepping into the warmth of the shower water that hit my chest and back. My hums echoed throughout the bathroom as well as the sound of the water flowing down my body and slapping against the hard tile floor. Running shampoo through my wet hair, I couldn't help but begin to sing in, what I thought, was happiness. Was I ever really happy?...or...no, of course I'm happy! My problems cannot weigh me down and drag me into despair! Laughing a bit to myself, I rinsed my hair and took the soap from the ledge in the corner of the shower and began running it easily along my body making sure to be very thorough as I went so I could be my cleanest just as always.

"Though I'll still be a disgusting human being, I'll still try to be clean." I said chuckling slightly to myself.

Sighing, I stretched once again and turned my back to the water and let its warmth flow down my back. My eyes stayed slitted for a moment until they shot open from the sudden pain I felt in my chest. Coughing, I cover my mouth and pound on the area with a fist, eventually coughing up a bit of blood, my fit finally dying down a bit after what seemed to be a painful eternity. Looking down at my hand, all I can do was sigh and let the water do its work to clean it off while I swallow hard any that might be remaining in my throat. Damn lymphoma. Suddenly, my anxiety catches up and my stomach tightens, my heart beginning to beat fast in an anxious fit.

"Oh no...what if I offended (Y/N)..." I fretted and covered my face with my hand in thought. "I hope not...with my luck though, I bet I did..."

Sighing deeply and pushing that thought aside like everything else, my mind was once again pinned.

"(Y/N)..."

I can't help but smile at the thought of her. That beautiful (H/C) hair...those stunning eyes...her amazing feminine figure...I let out a heavy breath and held myself tightly in euphoria at the thought.

"Her hope...her, wonderfully bright, shining hope..."

I couldn't help myself but think of her. It was, and usually just is, rather difficult to not.

"Someone who's actually interacting with trash like me! She must be a goddess. She is a goddess! Of course someone like that would be on my mind!"

As soon as I began thinking of her again, my face went back to a blank expression and I just stared at the dripping wall in front of me then sighed.

"I'm so gross and pathetic. What am I even to do with myself anymore?" I questioned as I went back to my regular mood and looked down at myself. "(Y/N) would be so disgusted if she saw me like this..."

My breath is heavy and my face flushed bright red. I can feel my heart beating fast almost as if it were about to beat right out of my chest. Blood flowed through my body and I finished growing fully hard. I bit my lip slightly as the water and air hit my body. I had to resist though and attempt to get the thought of (Y/N) out of my head. Easier said than done of course...

"Welp, looks like my shower is over."

Turning the water off and pulling my towel from the rack, I step out of the shower and begin drying myself, shaking my head like a wet dog then finishing half drying my hair with the towel and wrapping it around my waist.

"Moving around will be difficult with a boner...but I'll just have to deal with it."

I sighed once again then picked up my clothing and brought them over to the laundry machine and drier and started loading the dirty garbs into the machines to get washed. Closing the lid as the rinse cycle begins, I head out of my bathroom to the main room to get my extra pair of boxers on and to gather cleaning supplies, then head right back to the bathroom to begin "the sterilization" just as always after I am finished taking a shower, as well as multitasking by both cleaning the entire room and my clothes at the same time. Despite how long it took, it didn't matter. The bathroom was sparkling clean and my clothes were rid of the day's dirt!

I breath in the clean scent happily as I remove my clothing from the dryer. That clean smell made me feel clean. Even if that feeling was momentary, it was enough to satisfy me. At least something was able to satisfy me when my "situation" was still bothering me. I look down slightly frustrated at the tent in my underwear as if it were a person.

"Why won't you go away already....I want to get rid of you so bad..." I sighed. I knew the reason but denied it. I had to deny it. I had to force it away. "(Y/N)....My luck...she's the only one who actually seems to care somewhat...I don't want that to go away...I'm so clingy and annoying. Maybe avoiding her would be best for both of us.....then maybe...NO! Think logically Komaeda! You are NOT pleasuring yourself. Its inappropriate to do, especially while thinking about (Y/N)-San..."

Getting up in a huff, I collect my, now clean, clothing and transport them to my bed where I neatly fold them up and put to the side on the table nearest my bookshelf so they are ready to be worn in the morning. Ignoring the erection is a nightmare. Thoughts of her kept circulating my mind and it was difficult to distract myself from them. While I'm usually able to control myself pretty well, especially in these situation, I am still a guy, and the thought of (Y/N) made me so...well...excited. It disgusts me that I think of her that way being how I  just know she would think of me that way if she ever knew. I don't know how I'm thinking like this all of a sudden or why. I hoped I didn't love her. For her sake, I couldn't. I sighed, a little frustrated with myself, confusion ringing throughout my head, and plop myself down on my bed and fall down on my back then scoot my body up and rest my head down on the pillow only to turn on my side and wriggle around in an attempt to get comfortable. I feel like a child trying to organize my thoughts, those same thoughts being quickly whipped away and replaced with the thoughts of the feeling that came from accidentally rubbing myself up against one of my pillows. I bite my bottom lip and let out a bliss-filled breath.

           "God, I'm so hard..." I think to myself loosely.

            It was difficult to laugh this off like I usually force myself to. Clearing my head, the only thing that could come to mind was "just get it over with," but the guilt I would face...(Y/N)...Eventually, I found myself not being able to control my actions and I just had to do it. I closed my eyes tightly as I ran my fingers over the cloth-covered tip of my penis. A slight damp spot had already been there before I had even began. Licking my lips and slightly whimpering, I continue by almost making an "ok" sign with my fingers and lightly thrusting into the somewhat-hole I had just created, then allowed my others to wrap around my member and begin pumping in a smooth rhythmic up and down pattern. Faster...faster...faster...than slower...This repeated on and on and on, the only stop of this being to cough and catch up with my fast paced breaths. My poor stamina even held me back from doing things like this without stop. Eventually I gave up and just laid there in my bed panting as I worked my cock with the easy flicking of my wrist. I couldn't stop myself from moaning...I want to stop thinking of her but I can't...

            "(Y/N)-San....ah....mmmmhhh!" I let out in pleasure. "I-I'm so close..."

My breaths were shaky and rugged and my face turned red with embarrassment and lust at the thoughts of (Y/N). They were so much to handle, but at the same time, they were amazing. Before I knew it, my wrist movements became rougher and less consistent as my right hand jittered from the mass amounts of pleasure coursing through my body, my left hand keeping busy as it tangled and tugged itself in the sheets. The closer I came to my release, the more lewd my thoughts were becoming. That's when I took one long stroke up my erection. I bit into my pillow and shot my left hand up to my face to muffle the loud moans that emitted from me. That feeling of pure lust and desire that infested my entire body suddenly drained out from me into my palm in a large, hot, sticky mess, the feeling leaving me smiling and gasping for air.

          Removing my face from my pillow and turning over to my side to retrieve a few tissues, I clean myself up quickly and stretch, then look down at my, now wet, boxers. I sigh and place my hands on my hips then looking up at the ceiling.

            "Guess I'll have to clean these now too!" I said taking to myself like usual. "Good thing my other pair is clean now."

I finish my statement lightly chuckling as I place my dirty garments into the washing machine and slip into a clean pair of underwear.

        "I'll just go and get those in the morning."

With enough said and done, I make my way to my bed and lay down.
 
         "Goodnight awake world. Hello nightmares and torment."