Type: Hurt/Comfort
Ship: Brady Knocks x Levi (@mandylaren23 's OC)
Characters: Brady and Levi
Trigger warnings: Panic attacks, self-harm, relapse, bullying
Summary: Brady hasn't had a panic attack in a while. But things don't always go so well. They're just happy they have Levi.

Brady couldn't breathe. Everything felt like it was crushing them. The air, the lights, the thoughts in their head. The words that the students in class called them.

Hot tears rolled down their cheeks, and their heart felt like it was choking them. The bathroom floor felt cold and unforgiving. Nothing could give comfort. Their mother wasn't home. And it wasn't like she was good at helping them.

Odd, gurgling, guttural noises filled their throat. They bit onto their sleeve so hard they felt their teeth connect. Their vision was blurred and their body felt as if it was burning. Their chest felt tight, as if someone was tying ropes around their heart, squeezing it tighter and tighter, pulling it apart. Everything felt as if it was fading. The razor in their fist cut into their palm. It hurt.

Everything hurt.

"Passerine?"

They recognized that voice. That just made it worse. Brady gasped with a sob, lurching forward with sudden nausea. They wanted to break down in apologizes. They wanted to beg for him to forgive them.

Brady heard him drop whatever he was holding and scramble to the ground. "Brady, Fox, I need you to listen to me as much as you can." He said, desperation in his voice.

They just kept crying, pulling at their hair, needing to feel the contact of something. He continued. "Passerine, I'm going to hold your hand now, okay?" He continued.

No. No. No.

Brady couldn't let him do that. He would see the razor. He'd be so disappointed. He'd hate them. He'd be angry with that. They couldn't let that happen. They couldn't lose one of the best people in their life. It wasn't fair. Why did this have to happen?

Hands suddenly cupped their face. "Brady, please. I just want to help you. I love you very, very much. I just want to make sure you'll be okay."

Levi...

God, they loved him. Why did he have to be so loving to them. So much love for such a broken person.

The bullies were right. They were undeserving of anyone's love. They were a freak. A freak that couldn't even talk to their boyfriend.

Still. Levi was here. He was trying to help them.

Against their will, they dropped the razor. Levi was quiet for a moment. "Everything will be okay. You don't need to talk. You don't need to tell me what happened." He assured them. Brady leaned forward, resting their head on Levi's chest. They felt grounded, feeling the contact of someone.

After a while, Brady had stopped crying. Their breathing still came in short hiccups. Everything still felt so cold, except for the arms wrapped around them. Their vision had cleared and they found themself staring up at the ceiling of the bathroom. Levi was holding them around the chest, sitting behind their head. They felt him stroking their hair gently.

Once everything seemed to settle, Brady felt a sharp pain in the side of their leg. Levi cleared his throat hesitantly. "You're... bleeding."

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' They thought, their breathing shuddering. Levi shifted, helping Brady sit against the counter next to them. Levi stood up, going to the sink and washing his hands. He grabbed some soap and a damp rag and knelt back down. He started cleaning the side of their leg, blood soaking into the rag. Brady gritted their teeth, wincing slightly. Once the self-inflicted wound was cleaned up, Levi got up again and searched for bandaids.

I'm sorry.

"... What?"

Brady didn't mean to say that outloud. They hadn't even realized they said that.

"I... I'm sorry..." They whispered again. Brady hardly ever spoke. Levi had probably only heard their voice three times they'd known each other.

Levi stood there quietly, his hand still resting on the shelf he was next to. "Brady... You're disorder isn't anything to apologize for. You had a moment of vulnerability, and you had a panic attack. It's not your fault." He said.

Brady shattered into a devastated wail. Tears streamed down their face, cries filling the small room. They made incoherent babbles, trying to force out apologies, protests, pain. Anything.

Levi didn't leave. He just sat with them, rocking his partner and whispering assurances and comfort. He wrapped up their leg and held them.

He just let them cry out. He let them release the pain in their heart.