‘"Go away?" Where? What do you mean?’ My voice came out in a guttural panic.

Rafe avoided my eyes. He was staring at some point near my shoulder, and I was fully clothed in a long sleeved sweater and tights.

Where is he going? Why is he not looking me in the eye?

‘Can we speak in Roger’s study?’ Rafe gripped me at the elbow.

‘Yea_Yeah’ I stammered, looking at Cade again.

Rafe whispered something to Cade who nodded, then went to sit at the settee he pointed to in the guest lounge.

A million thoughts zipped through my mind as Rafe gently tugged me to Roger’s study. He walked silently, but strode purposefully. His body seemed all tense, he seemed a million miles away.

I tried to look away to focus on his ash coloured wind breaker that fitted so snugly across his shoulders, I wanted to look into his eyes, but he was avoiding mine. The room felt cold.  Roger always had the air conditioner on maximum. If it was any of my other buddies, I would have offered them a drink, but Rafe would blow a gasket.

‘I have been called up,’ he spoke softly, so softly, I almost thought I heard him say he was called back to his country.

‘Oh,’ I laughed stupidly, thinking perhaps Roger had called him, so why did he drag me to Roger’s study?

‘Katy, my country wants me to perform national service,’ he spoke slowly and very gravely.

‘"National Service?" What does that mean?’ I cried out in alarm. Refusing to process what my brain was informing me about duties that constituted national service.

Was Rafe going to leave Australia? Was he going to leave me? Okay granted we are not going out yet. But I mean Rafe can’t leave me! He can’t go back to his country. And what the hell is this national service nonsense? Surely his country is not at war with another country? War! No!  My Rafe can’t go to war.

‘National Service?’ I repeated softly, and felt the tears running down my cheek.

The pulse was beating wildly again. He looked at me, saw my tear stained face and looked away, shifting uncomfortably.

‘Talk to me. What the hell do you mean?’ I gripped his arms desperately.

‘I have received a letter. I’m to report for active duty__’ he waived the letter in front of me.

‘No__ no. You can’t. You can’t go,’ I grabbed the letter and quickly scanned it.

My brain did not understand much of the official sounding language, but my eye caught something about six months, and it named a regiment he was to report to.

I squashed the letter and threw my arms around his neck, holding him tightly.

I heard him breathe heavily, and very slowly his arms closed around my body. I heard him sigh, and then he pressed his lips on my head and kissed me softly.

‘Active duty? I repeated with a sob. ‘You could get hurt. You could__’

No I could not let him go. I won’t. Surely they could find somebody else in Spain. Why should Rafe travel all the way from Australia for whatever the hell the “active duty” entailed?

‘You’re not going,’ I cried unashamedly, ‘I’m not letting you go__’

‘I don’t have a choice,’ he removed my hands, stepping away from me. ‘Besides it’s only for six months

‘We’ll speak to Roger. My dad will get this sorted__’

‘Katy, one does not negotiate  mandatory obligations with one's government!’ his accented voice was filled with thick emotion.

‘No!  What if something happens to you?’ I sobbed, stubbornly refusing to hear anything he had to say.

‘Nothing will happen,’ he whispered, wiping the dam of tears flowing down my face.

‘How can you be so sure?  Can you promise me that?’

His eyes bore into mine, they were dark, filled with emotion, he could not give me the promise I wanted.

‘Rafe, write them back. Tell them you can’t make it,’ I demanded.

‘You will not respect me, if I was so spineless,’ he yelled.

‘I will,’ I cried. ‘I do respect you,’ I whispered.

‘I came to say good bye. Go on with your life querida,’ he pleaded huskily.

‘No!  I love you.’ I sobbed, gripping his arms again.

He shut his eyes. I watched as he breathed heavily, and after a long moment, when he opened his eyes again, it was cold, unfriendly, with steely determination.

‘I came to ask you to look after Cadelaria for me for the next six months,’ he requested soberly.

‘No! She’s your sister. You stay and take care of her. I won’t let you go,’ I pleaded, clinging to him tightly.

‘Don’t wait for me,’ he mumbled, burying his face into my hair.

‘I love you Rafe,’ I cupped his face, and stood on my toes, and kissed his lips.

‘I have to go,’ he shoved me away again.

It hurt like a sharp object piercing into my heart, but I summoned my pride not to beg, ‘when do you leave?’ I mumbled in resignation.

‘Tomorrow morning,’ that pulse beat wildly at his throat again.

‘No! no.’ I whispered, shaking my head from left to right, my resolve not to beg deserting me.

‘I don’t want you coming to the airport,’ he instructed.

I gripped my arms tightly around his neck, as his lips captured mine. Even as I kissed him back, I could not hold the sob in my throat. I held him tightly, kissing him, as if my life depended on that connection. I was begging, pleading in between the kisses, but he remained resolute, then stepped away from me. Rafe opened the door, I ran after him.

Mom and Roger were in the waiting room with Cade. Mom’s eyes reflected empathy. Roger looked solemn.

So they knew? They knew before I did.

I looked across at Rafe. He refused to meet my eyes. Roger and Rafe exchanged a look, Rafe nodded. He walked to his sister, wrapped his arms around her for a long moment, kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear. Cade laughed happily, threw her arms around her brother’s neck and kissed him on the lips.

‘You will write to me,’ she demanded.

He nodded, smiled, and ran his thumb down her pretty bubbly cheeks.

‘So I will see you in six months?’ Cade questioned her brother.

‘Yes,’ he smiled, then his eyes sought mine, as if to inform me of that fact as well.

Rafe reached into his inside pocket, took out an envelope, and walked towards me.  I blinked, silently praying no tears would fall now, not in front of mom and Roger, and not in front of Cade.

‘If I don’t come back in six months__’

‘Don’t do this to me,’ I whispered, before he could finish his sentence.

Rafe placed the envelope into my hands, holding my hands tightly, as he gravely looked into my eyes.

‘There are instructions in there for Cadelaria. It has my mother’s address__’ he hesitated, swallowed.

This was not easy for him. I wanted to take him in my arms, tell him everything will be okay. Tell him not to worry about his baby sister. But I could not. I was breaking up inside. I felt like my world was crumbling down. I felt like I’d just been given a death sentence, and excuse the pun, the deadline had just passed.

I looked behind me, over my shoulder, staring at nothing in particular, trying to hide my face. Everybody’s eyes were on me. Mom’s, Cade’s, and Roger tried discreetly not to look my way.

‘Mrs. Murray,’ Rafe smiled, hugging mom, giving me the opportunity to pull myself together.

‘Take care of yourself Rafe,’ mom eyes were also moist.

‘Roger,’ Rafe gripped Roger in a bear hug.

My eyes locked with his, pleading with him to allow me to say goodbye to him at the airport, but he was adamant, his expression firmly saying NO!

Please, I’m not going to see you for six whole months! I have to say goodbye to you.

‘You will pick me up at the airport in six months time Katy?’ Rafe tried to make light of the whole situation.

I can’t come to the airport, but you expect me there in six months time. We’ll see if I’m around damn you.

I nodded, looking down. Rafe wrapped me in his arms and held me tightly, ‘give me a smile,’ he whispered huskily.

I beckoned a dazzling smile, one I hoped will ensure I stayed in his heart for the next six months. He kissed me on my cheek, and stepped away quickly, just as I was holding him tightly and savouring the moment, filing it to memory for the next six months. I gripped him one last time, trying to delay the inevitable.

‘I will call you,’ he smiled, his eyes locking with mine.

No you won’t!

‘Rafe, why don’t you stay the night? I’ll take you to the airport in the morning, son.’

Yes, yes. Please stay Rafe, please.

‘Thank you, then we’ll just have to fetch my stuff,’ Rafe accepted.

Yippee! Oh thank you. Thank you.

‘So can we go up to your room?’ Cade pleaded, oblivious to the emotions and impending doom prevalent in the air.

Oh Cade, I’m going through an emotional crises right now.

‘Okay,’ I murmured, dragging my eyes away from Rafe’s.

‘Hasta luego!’ Cade threw a kiss at her brother.

Rafe smiled one last time and waved at his sister, as Cade tugged at my arm, literally dragging me towards the stairs.

I psyched myself to walk away, when we reached the top stair, I turned around, smiled at Rafe and opened my bedroom door. Rafe lifted his arm and waved, just before I closed my door.

I leaned against my door, taking a deep breath. I wanted to be alone. I wanted to throw myself on my bed, and sob my heart out. I didn’t want Rafe to leave. I didn’t want to spend the next six months not knowing his whereabouts. I so did not want company right now.

‘We can spend all the time in the world together, and you don’t have to be nervous about Rafe,’ Cade threw herself on my bed, and started to bounce up and down on the mattress.

‘Aren’t you going to miss Rafe?’

‘I love my brother, but he says our country needs him for six months, so he must do his duty,’ she smiled sadly.

‘I’ll try to make up for him,’ I offered feeling guilty at having a go at Cade.

Cade nodded, ‘duty is important to my brother,’ she smiled. ‘Rafe is strict about respect and honor and duty.’

I smiled, walking slowly to the bed and sat down next to her.

‘You’re so quiet, what’s wrong Katy?’

‘You’re a very brave girl,’ I smiled, giving her a hug.

‘Rafe says if I’m good, I will get the last of my favourite dolls to complete my collection,’ she laughed.

‘Why are you laughing?’ I grinned.

‘I was embarrassed to ask Rafe for a doll. I thought he’d say I’m too big for them. But he said a girl is never too big for them. He told me even my mom had a very beautiful doll in her bedroom. I don’t remember that,’ she smiled sadly.

I am going to spoil Cade in the next six months. I know nobody can take the place of one’s mother. I know that personally. But I’m going to give Cade all the love in the world that she should have got from her mom. And Cade was deserving of love, especially a mother’s love. She was sweet, polite, respectful, intelligent, and had an annoying sharp sense of humour. Tomorrow Cade and I will go shopping. We were both in dire need of the retail therapy. And with Rafe not around, we can have all the cheese burgers and shakes we could stuff our faces with.

‘Hey feel like some hot chocolate and marshmallows?’ I suggested with a grin.

‘Rafe__,’ she started guiltily, ‘is not around,’ she grinned, raising her palm in the air for me to slap a high five with her.

‘I’m going to enjoy having you around,’ I grinned, jumping off the bed, as we raced downstairs.

Mom was still in the kitchen nursing a cup of coffee, gazing out the window. I suppose she was waiting for Roger to return with Rafe.

‘Hey mom,’ I smiled.

She turned around, the sober look in her face disappeared, as she smiled tentatively.

Hi honey, you okay,’ she asked testingly.

‘Yeah,’ I lied, ‘Cade and I are going to make some hot chocolate.’

‘Has Cade chosen a room yet?’ she smiled at Cade.

‘Your bed is so huge, can I spend just tonight with you?’ Cade pleaded.

She put on a brave front, but the different environment, and not having Rafe around,’ was too much for Cade to spend the night by herself.

‘You can share with me as long as you need to,’ I invited, ‘but if you need some privacy, the bedroom next to mine is at your disposal.’

‘Privacy? What’s that?’ she grinned, ‘Rafe and I live in a tiny flat.’

I know their tiny flat. I had been there on a few occasions. But proud Rafe was unapologetic about their abode. He was proud of the honest means he could pay for their shelter. He was proud he could supply the meals he and his sister ate each day, even if it was soup and bread. Rafe did not want or entice anybody’s pity or charity, as long as his hands and legs could work, he felt ten feet tall. And now my poor Rafe is going to be sent to some God forsaken place__.

‘Honey?’

‘Yes?’ I vaguely heard mom address me.

‘I asked if you need help with the hot chocolate?’ she looked at me with concern.

‘No thanks, Cade and I have it covered,’ I tried to erase my wayward thoughts and looked across at Cade.

‘Yes, Mrs. Murray,’ she smiled politely at mom.

‘Okay good night, you two,’ Mom kissed me, then kissed Cade on her cheek.

‘Night__’ Cade whispered back to mom.

Her eyes followed mom, as mom exited the kitchen. Cade’s fingers went up to her cheek, to touch where mom had kissed her. Oh heck, poor Cade. She’s probably thinking about having her own mom kissing her or putting her to bed.

Why does life have to be so cruel? How could her mom abandon her so? How could my own father just wipe me out of his life?  How could Ally’s parents just discard her as if she was immaterial? And what about my poor Rafe? Even a guy needs  the love of a mother. Look at the way Andy clings to my mom. Andy’s so lucky to have my mom. Not that I am jealous of Andy. I know my mom loves me, but Andy is lucky to get what Rafe, Cade and Ally don’t have. I pray all our futures could be happy. I pray the next six months will fly past and it will feel like just one week.

I knew exactly when Roger came back with Rafe.  Not that I could hear them, but I just knew Rafe was nearby. Cade and I had chatted for a while, until she dropped off into la la land in mid sentence of what she was saying. I laughed softly, even though my aching heart felt like it had been blown to smithereens. I longed to go to the room down the hall where Rafe was sleeping. Just to be with him, for the remaining few hours he had left here, but I don’t think mom would approve. It was way past midnight. I tossed and turned, no sign of sleep taking over my body.

I wondered if Rafe was wide awake like me, or had he passed out the minute his head had hit the pillow. Perhaps I could slip a memento into Rafe’s wallet if he was fast asleep. I had this provocative full length picture of myself, that April and I had taken off each other once, right here in my bedroom.
April had donned one of my red briefs with a matching lace top. I’d had on a raunchy lacy bikini with a thin strapped silk camisole. If Rafe was going to be away from me for six months, then I wanted him to have something to look forward to when he came back, and when he comes back, we’re going to the next level, whether he wants to or not.  I am going to make sure we do. I quietly slipped off the bed, making sure not to disturb Cade. I tucked the duvet snugly around her and slipped out.

My nerves got the better of me as I stood outside Rafe’s door, for the bedside light was still on, but it was silent, so silent as if nobody was awake. Very stealthily, I tested the door handle, it opened. I crept inside. Most of the room was covered in darkness, but the bedside lamp threw some light on the bed.  My gorgeous Rafe seemed asleep.  I smiled as I observed the book he was still holding, but slightly collapsed on his naked chest. Oh he was gorgeous, not an ounce of fat on the strong muscular chest. Should I remove the book? What if he awakes? I quietly crept to his bed side, his wallet was on the side table. I noticed the book he was reading was ancient folk tales about Spain. Okay.  I’m going to put the photo in his wallet, then I’ll try to remove the book. As I slipped the photo into one of the plastic sleeve in his wallet, I noticed there was already a photo of me there.

OMG. I can’t believe it!

Where did he get that photo of me? But wait, it looked liked me. Blond hair, my green eyes, but I don’t have that outfit, and it kind of looks classical.

‘Splitting image of you, wouldn’t you say?’

I jumped as I heard Rafe’s bitter voice. He’d woken up? When? I was so occupied looking at the photo, I’d forgotten all about Rafe.

                                                                           -end chapter twenty five-