Okay sometimes when I’m in my room, I do really silly things when I’m bored, like lay on my bed, with my legs up against the wall and try bouncing a football around to see how long I can keep the ball in the air.  Stupid, I know.  I frowned irritatedly when I heard that knock on my door.  Who can it be you may ask?  Roger hardly ever comes to my bedroom.  When mom knocks, it’s soft, kind of requesting an invitation to enter.  The one now, was practically screaming, “Answer, what’s taking you so long?”

‘Yes, what you want?’ I reluctantly responded to the thump on my door.

‘There’s somebody to see you,’ Andy informed me.

RAFE?

‘It’s a gentleman,’ Andy replied, as I continued to stare at him.

Brand Sponsors?  Media?

‘Did you tell Roger?’

‘Dad asked me to call you, and he’s not looking happy, and mom looks kind of spooky too.’

‘Man?  What man?  I’m not expecting anybody,’ I slid off the bed, to go check out who’s there.

‘Er Katy, I think you should change.’

I looked down at my skimpy PJ briefs and matching top.

‘Right, wait with me,’ I quickly slipped on sweatpants and a sweater, while I made Andy wait for me.

‘Did he say who he is or what company he is from or something?’ I asked Andy as we walked down the stairs.

‘I don’t know,’ he’s in there,’ Andy pointed to the guest living room, where we formally received visitors.

 I wanted Roger to be with me, to meet whoever the visitor was, so I went to our private lounge where he and mom always relaxed, enjoying after dinner drinks most evenings, before they retired to their bedroom.

‘Hey dad please can you__.’

Andy was not lying about mom looking spooky.  She was white as a sheet.  Her eyes looked glazed, as she just stared into space.  Roger was standing at the total opposite end off the room, gazing out the window. The room was highly charged, a lit match stick could have burned down the place.  Roger had that look on his face like when I’d done something wrong, but he was giving me the benefit of the doubt, until I was able to declare my not guilty verdict.

‘Mom what’s wrong?’ I cried out running to her and throwing my arms around her.

Roger turned sharply, and visibly shook his head lightly. Mom hugged me and held onto me like I was leaving the country permanently or something.

‘What’s wrong mom?’ I sobbed, the tears rolling down my face.  I have never ever seen mom this distraught in my entire life.

‘Hello Katy,’ I heard a voice from behind me at the door, and for some reason mom stiffened in my arms.  I turned around to see who the voice belonged to.

‘Daddy!’ I blurted unthinkingly, as I stared at the man at the door.

My father!  He looks just the same as the pictures I have in my album.  Just the same as the photo, I carry in a secret compartment of my purse. 

Not that I took it out and looked at it much in the last two years or so.  But he seems not to have aged a day!

‘I’ll be in my office,’ Roger spoke, addressing nobody in particular.

I looked at mom, she was looking at the carpet, her eyes were moist.  What the hell was going on?  Was my father coming back?  Was she divorcing Roger?

 ‘Katy honey__’ mom was addressing me but she was looking at my father, he was looking at her, then she dragged her eyes to me. ‘I’ll leave you two to talk,’ she whispered.

‘No mom, don’t leave__’ I clung to her.

‘It’s okay sweetheart, just talk.  I’ll be in my bedroom.’

Dad__Roger was hiding it out in his office.  Mom was running to her bedroom .

The silence was eerie as mom closed the door.  I didn’t speak.  He didn’t speak. All I could think about was mom and Roger standing poles apart, not talking to each other.  The both of them in their own private worlds.

‘You’ve grown up into a lovely young lady,’ he spoke quietly.

‘What do you want?’ I yelled. ‘You left me.  You left mom.  You left us, not eleven days or eleven weeks , but eleven years ago!’ I screamed. ‘You can’t have mom back,’ I continued to scream.  ‘Roger loves her and she loves Roger, and I love Roger.’

All the time I yelled at him, he just stood there.  A look of anguish on his face.  But I did not care. 

Where was he when I needed a band aid on my not so painful knee?  Roger took care of that.  Where was he when I did well in my sports events?  Roger was there championing me on, he wasn’t.  Where was he when I cried like a sissy when the dentist ripped off my premolar?  Roger was the one that hugged me, and treated me to ice cream, much to mom’s consternation. Where was he when I went on my first date?  It was Roger that drove me to the movie, and Roger that picked me up.

‘You have every right to be angry, he spoke again. ‘I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness.’

‘You are right on both counts,’ I spat at him.

What was his sudden interest in his daughter?  Is it because she had become somewhat of a national hero, and won some international acclaim?  He dare not think he could have his family back, hell no! 

‘I am very sorry for __deserting you and your mom__.’

‘"You’re sorry?”’  Where were you all these years?  How could you have abandoned me?  I needed you.  I needed my father, but you never came home!'
  I tried not to be weak, but the tears just rolled down unchecked. ‘The most vital years of my life when I needed you, you were never there,’ I sobbed.

‘I am so sorry,’ he murmured, that pained look filled his face again as he held my eyes, hoping, I’d accept his apology.

But I do not care, I DONOT care!

‘What?  What did I do so wrong that you abandoned me? Was building roads, and bridges and pipelines more important than the life you created?’ I demanded.  ‘My life just went by without you taking any part in it,’ I accused.

‘NO__’ he denied, holding something up, and for the first time, I noticed in his hand something that looked like a scrapbook.

‘What’s that?’ I asked suspiciously.

Oh wow, call the cops, my absentee father is guilty of keeping a scrap book of his daughter’s life!

‘May we take a seat?’ he asked anxiously.

‘You can sit there,’ I pointed to the settee at the furthest part of the room.

‘Would you like something to drink?’ I asked grudgingly.  Mom would have been so proud of my good manners.

‘Perhaps a glass of water please,’ he accepted.

I nodded, walked to the mini bar in the corner, took out two bottles of mineral water and handed him one, and a glass as well. Again mom would be so proud of me.  I sipped mine out of the bottle and slid onto the seat furthest from him.

‘I’d like to show you this__,’ he pointed to the book in his hand.

‘You’ve been gone for eleven years, and now you want to produce this book like a magician and expect things to be hunky dory between us?’ I charged.

‘A year after I left__. I came back,’ he spoke. ‘I tried to meet your mom, but she wouldn’t__’

‘Do you blame her?’

‘No, not at all,’ he shifted about uncomfortably, while I strained my neck just to get a peek at the book, and he caught me looking.  I quickly looked away.

‘Do you remember this?’ he smiled pointing to something in the book.

Off course I did not know what he was talking about, how could I from this distance?

He shifted, making space for me on the settee he sat on. Unwillingly curiosity got the better of me, I slowly stood up and slid onto the seat on his settee, but as far as I could stay and still see. I peeked down at the photo, then looked into his face, shocked that he had that picture.  It was when I was six years old, missing my front tooth.  I had two cute little pony tails, and the picture was when I had sung in the church choir.

‘I look like a dork!’ I grinned, then quickly wiped the grin off my face.

‘You sang beautifully that night,’ he smiled.

‘You were there!  Why didn’t you come and greet me?’ I demanded.

‘I’d hurt your mom, I didn’t want to __’ he left his sentence unfinished.

‘I flipped the pages over and there were other photos of me through the years.  Me at sport events, and drama events.

‘That’s terrible,’ I pointed to a picture of me at age thirteen with braces looking like “Ugly Betty” without the glasses.

‘Your team won the debate,’ he smiled.

I looked at him again.  Okay so the absentee father had been secretly following me around.  Oh boy that was creepy, what if __?’

I flipped through the pages, and there was a photo of me and a guy I was having milk shakes with.  I think I was thirteen, or maybe fourteen.

He better not have any photos of me making out with any of the guys.

I flipped through all the pages.  They were all discreet.  Nothing discriminating.  Not that I gave a damn of what he thought. He was staring at me, as if seeing me for the very first time. Well I suppose after eleven years of no physical contact, it would feel like that.

‘Why did you not call me, or write, even on my birthdays?’

‘I tried__ I’d pick up the phone __I knew Roger Murray was doing a better job than I did.  I thought it’s best I not interfere.’

‘So why have you come back now then?’

‘I’ve accepted a job here in Sydney, for the next three years. I flew in last night from Brazil.’

‘So you spoke to mom?’

‘Yes this morning__.  She’s still so beautiful__.’

‘You can’t have her back__’

‘Yes I know.  Roger loves her, she loves Roger and you love Roger,’ he quoted me verbatim.

I looked away uncomfortably, boy he made me sound so protective and clingy.

‘So what are you expecting?’ I questioned him.

‘No expectations,’ he shook his head, ‘but if we could just talk, like we’re doing now, when you can.’

Talk?  We weren’t talking. I was interrogating, accusing, bullying.

‘I’m not making you any promises,’ I continued flicking through his book, and saw he had pictures galore of all my races.  There was also a  picture of me and April at the mall.  OMG, he had a picture of me and Rafe hugging, when I’d won at Melbourne.

‘He’s a good looking young man.’

I blushed, silly me, how stupid was I?  Mom was constantly telling me not to wear my heart on my sleeve.  I never learn, do I?

‘You’re not going to take Roger’s place in my life,’ I tossed at him.

‘You still carry my surname,’ he challenged.

‘Yes because, you’re alive and still roam the face of this earth even though you were just the sperm donor.’

He flinched uncomfortably.

He deserved that, and I’m not making any apologies to him.

‘And I hope you’re not harbouring any expectations to pick up where you left off with mom?’

‘No__ she’s seems happy, and well taken care off.’

‘Mom didn’t marry Roger for his money.’

‘I know she would never marry for anything but love__’ he stared into the distance, a hopeless look covered his face.

"I want you to know I think you pathetic for being a distant father and not making the effort to build a relationship with me.  The fact that you were at all these events and never once even greeted me was downright rude! You should have done better by me."

‘I’ll take my leave, may I call you in a few days?’ he requested.

I wanted to shout NO. But his face looked so pitiful, I relented, and nodded.

I ran up the stairs purposefully towards Rogers’ office and knocked on his door.  No answer.  I knocked a little louder, still no response.  If Roger did not respond, he did not want to be disturbed.  I walked to mom’s bedroom.  Mom and Roger’s bedroom and knocked, and immediately mom said, ‘Come in.’

Very slowly I opened the door, Roger and mom were there, but it looked like Scene Two of what I’d earlier witnessed.  There was still tension in the air, the expression on mom and Roger’s faces were strained even though both of them tried unsuccessfully to look relaxed.

‘Dad, I love you,’ I threw my arms around Roger’s neck. He gripped me fiercely, I could feel his body tremble.

‘I love you too sweetheart,’ he replied, with a strained voice.

‘And mom loves you, only you.  Right mom?’ I looked over my shoulder, to see mom, with tears streaming down her eyes, her wrist across her mouth.’

Roger tensed as I asked mom the question.  We both waited for her response, and it was not long when she gave the right answer.

‘Yes I love you, only you,’ she spoke softly, looking Roger in the eye.

Immediately his body relaxed, and he hurried to mom. They were hugging each other, mom was sobbing, and Roger was whispering to her.

‘This is where I would normally say, “Get a room” but this is your room,’ I spoke cheekily.

‘Out!’ Roger smiled for the first time in I guess many strained hours.

‘I will tell you about __him tomorrow,’ I spoke to the both of them.

‘I’m proud of you honey,’ mom smiled.

‘I love you both,’ I grinned, ‘goodnight,’ I shut the door.

It must have been a delayed reaction, but the moment I was alone in my room I went into shock.  I could not believe my father had the nerve to come back after deserting mom and I for eleven whole years!  Sleep evaded me completely.  I tossed and turned for three quarters off the night. How dare he come back?  How dare he make Roger feel insecure?  How dare he put mom and Roger’s relationship to the test like that?  But boy am I glad mom had made the right choice.  She deserved more than a man who was the absentee partner in a relationship. And for some strange reason, I’m glad this test occurred.  I’d always wondered if he came back, if mom would accept him back.  Roger was a model husband, parent and father.  I would not swop him for another.  He earned the title “Dad.” 

In the early hours of the morning, after tossing and turning restlessly, I got up and showered.  I was thankful for my own car.  I left mom a note, to say I was going to school early, and I’d arranged with Barney to take Andy to school. 

I was like a whole hour early at school.  Hardly anybody was there yet.   Not that I wanted company, it suited me fine just sitting there by myself.  I sat at the cafeteria and drank cup after cup of terrible coffee. When the second bell indicated the first lesson had started, I was still sitting there.  Technically you could say I was bunking my first lesson.  When I felt up to my ears in coffee, I walked in a daze out to the sports ground.  I could reclaim my “turf” as Nate would be busy in class with lessons, like I was supposed to be, but I walked aimlessly around the school grounds, my hands deep in my pockets, a thousand different thoughts, emotions conflicting in my brain and heart.

I slid down against my favourite tree.  The birds seemed to remember me and settled around my feet.

‘Sorry, I didn’t bring you any food,’ I smiled

They chirped a few sounds as if questioning “why not?’ and sensing I was not in the mood for company they flew away.

My mind played back to meeting him last night. 

Why did he come back?  Why?

I don’t need him in my life now.  I needed him when I was growing up, I don’t need him now.

‘I hate you for leaving me.  I hate you,’ I sobbed, and covered my face with my hands, giving free reign to my unbridled emotions.

‘Querida, what is the matter?’ he said all that in Spanish, his beautiful accent was so comforting, but right now, I wanted to be alone.

I shoved him away as he tried to wrap his arms around me, but he was strong, as he gripped my shoulders.

‘Who has made you cry?  Tell me,’ he instructed.

‘Just go away,’ I sobbed.  ‘I don’t need you.  I don’t need him.  I don’t need anybody!’ I yelled.

‘Who’s him?’ Rafe snarled, kneeling in front of me.

‘Just go away,’ I pushed and punched.  ‘I don’t want company.  I don’t want you either,’ I just kept pounding relentlessly on his chest and he just let me take all my frustration out on him,  till all the steam left my body.  And when I felt consumed, I just gripped his T shirt and sobbed again. Rafe wrapped his arms around me, and hoisted me onto his lap, whatever he was murmuring in Spanish sounded heavenly, I didn’t want him to stop.

‘Don’t cry querida.  I’ll make it better,’ he murmured, pressing his lips to my temple. He used his thumb to wipe away the tears running down my cheek.

‘You’re beautiful hmm, beautiful girls must not cry.’

‘I’m beautiful?’ I whispered

‘Yes, most beautiful,’ he smiled, pressing  his lips to mine.

‘Most beautiful?’ I repeated.

‘I’ll show you,’ his lips lowered and brushed mine so softly, then he stared into my eyes, as he cradled me in his arms.

‘Show me again,’ I whispered.

This time his lips teased mine, until my lips parted, and he slid his tongue in. I angled my mouth to allow him more access, he groaned kissing me back so fervently.  I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tightly. Rafe continued to kiss me gently, our tongues lazily entwined around each others’.  I stared in the dark depths of his eyes.  He gazed back, as he reined more kisses on my throat.

‘Rafe kiss me again,’ I pleaded.

His lips obediently came back to my mouth, teasingly it trailed over my upper lip.  I moaned until his mouth captured mine again, and we shared a memorable, eternal kiss until we were breathless. His kiss was not hurried or aggressive, just slow and consoling.  Rafe gently eased away and spoke.

‘Querida tell me why you are so troubled,’ his eyes were filled with concern.

I shifted, he placed me on the grass, but clasped his hands through mine.  I looked at him, he nodded as if urging me to go on, and waited patiently for me to speak.

‘He__he came back.’

‘Who?’ his hands gripped mine painfully.

‘That hurts,’ I smiled.

‘Who?’ he repeated, relaxing his hand a bit.

‘My father__ after eleven years he decided to pitch up last night.’

Rafe looked surprised, but he urged me on, and I told him all that had transpired last night.

‘How do you feel?’ he asked tentatively.

‘How would you feel if your mom knocked on your door?’

An angry scowl filled his face.  His hands tensed in mine.

‘I’m sorry, I should not have said that,’ I whispered.

‘It’s okay,’ he nodded.  He lifted my wrist and kissed the back of my hand.

‘Why are you bunking lessons?’ I asked

‘I saw you at the cafeteria,’ he smiled. ‘Then during my first lesson, I looked out the window and was able to see you walking around the field.’

‘So you decided to bunk?’

‘You’re also bunking,’ he grinned.

‘I must admit, it’s a novel experience.  I’ve never done this before.’

‘I think today, you have a valid reason,’ he smiled.

I held my breath, as I gazed into his eyes.

‘Katy__honey!’

Mom.  OMG, I’m so dead!

I tried to pull my hand out off Rafe’s but he would not allow it.

‘I looked up to see mom and the principle standing there watching Rafe and I holding hands.

‘Honey the principal called to say your car is here but you’re not at lessons,’ mom smiled at me guardedly.

I just shrugged my shoulders, and half smiled back at her.

‘Good morning Rafe,’ mom spoke politely.

‘Morning Mrs. Murray.’

‘Honey would you like to go back home?’ Mom enquired.

Do I want to go home?  I certainly don’t feel like being in school today.

‘You may have the day off Katy,’ the principal offered.

Did mom tell him? 

I searched her eyes.  She nodded almost imperceptibly.

‘With your permission sir,’ Rafe addressed the principal. ‘I’d like to take care of Katy.’

‘That’s good Rafe.  You do that.’

Rafe was a model Straight ‘A’ student. Top footballer and generally high achiever.  He had the principal’s respect.

‘Thank you sir,’ I think I’ll accept the rest of the day off,’ I nodded.

‘Mrs. Murray, I will bring Katy home this afternoon.’

‘Thank you, take care of her for me,’ she whispered.

He lifted me up, and wrapped his arms around my waist, and in front of mom and the principal, he planted a kiss at my temple.

I bit on my lower lip, feeling embarrassed that mom and the principal witnessed that.

         -end Chapter twenty two-