And so my days are spent for the next year. Five days a week at the library. A movie night with Steve once a week when he's in town (and he isn't in town much more often than he is). My self defense classes once a week – after the mugging incident Steve had made me promise not to walk so far by myself at night, but he's been gone a lot recently so I've been going to my classes alone without telling him. I get together with the group a little less frequently than once a month.

Steve, Clint, and Nat are sent out on more and more missions, Bruce is traveling again, Tony is preoccupied with some new tech he's working on, and Thor doesn't visit very often. So I spend more and more time at the park and picking up extra shifts at the library when I can. It fills my days, but my nights...well, my nights are quiet and solitary. I miss my mother and Steve more keenly without distractions. 'Lonely', is the word, I suppose. When I sit still and let myself think, I'm lonely.

Steve has been gone for just over two weeks. I'm getting ready to leave for work this morning when I hear him leave his room.

'That's strange. He didn't text me to let me know he made it home. He was probably just exhausted?'

I run to open my door so I can catch him before he leaves again when his voice drifts through. He's talking to someone one or two doors down. I ease my door open a crack – not spying exactly, just snooping a little.

It's Kate. She moved in nearly a year ago. I brought her cookies a day or so after she settled in. She's a very pretty strawberry-blonde and quite friendly. She makes me uncomfortable. I know they're on friendly terms – it makes sense as they're both nice people. They've even gone for coffee a few times.

Steve and Kate talk about jogging – what she had just returned from and he was just about to start. Their words don't say much, but the way they look at each other, the way Steve smiles shyly at her joke, the way he leans in a bit when she's talking, it's clear. Steve is genuinely interested in her, and not as a neighbor.

I'm shocked to feel a quake behind my ribs.

I quietly close my door before they see me. I'm jealous, painfully so, of what I've just seen.

'He'll take the time to chat her up, but can't be bothered to let me know he's made it home safely?

Calm down, maybe there's more to it than you know.

No, I've barely seen him these last six months. My best friend is slipping away and now, in short, our friendship is doomed. What little time he has at home will be spent with whomever he's most interested in, it's only logical. How did I not see it before?'

I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, that this had to happen eventually. Eventually he would find a girl who could make him keep Peggy as a memory. I knew I would be pushed aside for his girlfriend, it's just natural. He doesn't have time for me and a girlfriend. And once he's gone, so is any connection I had with the other Avengers. Without Steve they have no reason to keep me around like a stray.

I know I'm overreacting. But whether it's her or someone else down the road, it will happen. And I can't just sit by to be left alone. I need to make other friends.

'I can do that, right?'

Steve and the Avengers could never stay a part of my life. I'm too ordinary. Things just don't work out that way. I need to stop waiting for whatever it is I'm waiting for and start doing things on my own again.

I decide that I won't bother Steve. If he would like to spend time with me, then great; if not...then I'll learn to deal with it.

Steve leaves on another mission the next day. He never got in contact with me.

'Ugh. Stop being so possessive.

It's a little tricky, sorry. I guess I feel that the drifting apart of my best friend is like a small betrayal; regardless of the fact that he's a superhero, busy saving the world.

Yeah, do you hear yourself? He's saving the world. Cut him some slack.

I know, I know!... I'm not mad at Steve. How could I be? I'm mad at myself for thinking I could keep him. For thinking that while Captain America saves the world, Steve Rogers is just mine.'

Steve isn't mine in any sense of the word. But he is still Steve and because of that, if he needs me, I'll be here.

Ha. If he needs me.

≈o≈

Steve returns a few days later, sometime in the afternoon on one of my days off. I hear him let himself into his apartment, so I grab my wallet and phone and sneak out of my room and down the hall. I'm not avoiding- okay, I'm avoiding him a little. Petty? Yeah, it is. But I not in the right headspace to be around him just now.

I take the bus to the park and start my walk.

'I can make friends. I can. It can't be that hard. Right?'

I see the coffee cart that I always stop at on my walk and I make my way to it. I'm surprised to find that I'm looking forward to seeing Benny, the owner, again. I've made small talk with him before.

'Is that how you start a friendship?'

While I wait in the short line, I busy myself with taking out some cash from my wallet. When I reach the front, I look up to say hello but stop short when I see that it isn't Benny. "Uh, hi."

'Smooth.'

His hair is dark brown and it curls about the tops of his ears. His eyes are a bright green and his smile is slightly crooked. I'd say he's a year or two older than me.

"Hello, what can I get for you?" His slightly Scottish voice rings through my awkward fog.

"Oh, right. Yes. Um, a medium iced Chai latte, please."

He nods and turns to fix my drink.

"Sorry about that. Um, did something happen to Benny?..."

His green eyes glance up from his work. "You could say that. He saved up enough to open a coffee shop over on Kimble. He hired me and a couple of others to run this cart."

"Oh." I'm a bit surprised that Benny hadn't said anything about it last time I saw him, but still, "good for him." I look back to the new guy. He's staring at me. "Is, is there something wrong?..."

He startles. "No, no. Sorry. It's just, you look familiar...have I seen you somewhere before?"

'Isn't that some kind of come on? Is he flirting with me?...'

"I have no idea. Do you go to the library a lot?" I glance at my tea that he still holds in his hand. There's no one in line behind me, but I'd still like my drink now.

The new guy shakes his head, looking like he's genuinely thinking hard. His expression lights up. "Do you go to the gym on 47th?"

It's my turn to be startled.

'He really did recognize me. I guess that wasn't flirtation. There really needs to be clearer signals for that sort of thing.'

"Yes, I do. I take a class there once a week."

He snaps his fingers and points at me with a grin. "I knew it! That's my gym! I've been going there three or four times a week for the past six months!"

"Oh."

'How in the world did he recognize me?'

"There are at least twenty-five people in that class...you must really have a mind for faces if you can remember mine."

His eyes dart to the counter and he rubs the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. "Well, it isn't that impressive...I've kind of, noticed you, I guess. Not in a creepy way, though!" he adds hastily, looking up with wide eyes. "Your form in class is great and you're a really hard worker and you're really pret- um, focused."

"Oh," I say again with a confused smile.

'Was he going to say that I'm pretty? I don't remember ever seeing him there before...it's a little weird to think someone's been sort of watching me while I've been completely oblivious.'

"Um, thank you?"

He scrunches his eyes shut and sighs, looking adorable. "I've made an idiot of myself, haven't I?"

"No, no you haven't. I, I'm just not used to being noticed, I guess."

His face relaxes and his eyes slide open. "You're not?"

"I, eh, no."

He shakes his head and smiles his crooked smile. "Mind if I start again? I'm Carson." He offers me his hand.

I take it. "Nice to meet you, Carson. I'm Anne."

"Anne," he repeats softly. "Lovely to make your acquaintance."

I smile back.

He doesn't let go.

I smile wider.

My phone rings.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Carson lets go of my hand and passes me my drink. "Have a nice day, Anne."

"Thank you, Carson." I walk a few yards away before answering my phone, not recognizing the number. "Hello?"

"Hi Anne, it's Steve." He sounds exhausted. "I lost my phone while I was gone, so I got a new one with a new number. Anyway, I was calling to see if maybe you'd like to have a movie night tonight? I'm back in town and I've missed our routine."

'"Routine". That's what he missed? Not me, the routine. Warm fuzzies all over.'

"Um, sure. I'll see you tonight. Same time?"

"Great! I'll see you then!" He disconnects.

I look at my phone for a moment before sliding it into my pocket.

'This is good. I get to spend time with Steve.

I know.

So why do I feel so disappointed?'

I shake my head. But before I start walking again, I look over my shoulder. Carson is with another customer, but he glances up to look at me. We both smile and turn away shyly.

'Maybe I don't feel quite so disappointed.'

≈o≈

When Steve finally settles onto my couch for a movie, I don't think he actually wants to watch a movie. He's resting his chin in his hand, staring blankly at the TV; which isn't even on. His usually bright blue eyes look dull and glazed. There's no energy in any of his words or actions.

I set our bowl of popcorn on the coffee table and take a seat beside him. He doesn't seem to notice. "So, looks like you'd be in the mood for 'The Walking Dead' tonight?"

Steve finally shifts and glances at me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Um, whatever you want is fine with me." He looks down, staring through table.

I nod. "Yeah, let's try something else."

He turns back to me, tiredly confused. "What do you mean?"

I rest my hand on his forearm. "Steve, I may not have Natasha's training, but it isn't that difficult to tell that something's bothering you."

Steve just shakes his head. "It's work stuff, don't worry about it." He leans forward and picks up the remote from the table. "So, action, comedy, or drama?"

I hum in pretend contemplation. "How about a documentary – like, say, 'A Day in the Life of Captain America'? The past couple of days in particular? I think that sounds pretty interesting."

He rubs his face with a sigh. "Anne, it really isn't something you're cleared to hear."

I shrug and try again. "Alright, let's say, hypothetically, you were back in the 40's, in the army, going out on missions. Hypothetically, what sort of thing would have to happen for you to come home like this?"

Steve wets his lips and turns the remote over in his hands a few times. "Hypothetically," he starts slowly. "I suppose something that could upset me would be finding out that...that the 'good guys' weren't as good as I thought. That, maybe, things aren't as black and white anymore. That my morals don't seem to fit my job. That to protect people now, I'm expected to control and intimidate them through force." He keeps his eyes down, not looking up at me.

I'm going to kick all of their butts for making my Steve feel this way.

I take one of his hands in both of mine. "Honey," I start softly. "I, I know it isn't how it used to be and I can't understand what this is like for you- I won't try to pretend like I do." I rub gentle circles on the back of his hand with my thumb. "Maybe things were more clear cut in the 40's, with a clear villain- I mean, a Nazi with a red devil face sounds like the obvious guess for evilness. But, just because people and circumstances have changed doesn't mean that the right thing to do has changed as well. Truth is truth, no matter the decade. It's always the right thing to help people who can't help themselves and to stand up for the innocent. Just because the big guy says to strong-arm the little guy doesn't make it right. You know that- maybe better than anyone. If you didn't, I don't think you'd be so upset about finding out the government, or S.H.I.E.L.D., or whomever, has been dirty-dealing."

Steve glances up at me as I continue.

"You're a good man, Steve. One of the best I've ever known, and my dad set a pretty high standard for that. You know the right thing to do and you're brave enough to do it. But you never have to do it alone."

He visibly lightens, his shoulders relaxing. Steve tugs me into a quick side-hug and pecks the top of my head. "Thank you, Anne."

I try not to turn to goo.

He lets me go and clears his throat as we both settle back onto the couch. "So, Tony mentioned something about me needing to see a movie called 'Sherlock Holmes' from a few years ago? He said the main actor was way better than that guy who plays Sherlock on TV now."

≈o≈

He was lingering by the door a little longer than usual after the movie and I could tell something was bothering him.

"Something else on your mind, Stevie?" I ask lightly.

His warm blue eyes meet mine hesitantly. "I actually want to ask you something. Do you remember Kate?"

"Kate? Neighbor Kate?- 'Kate the peppy jogger who will take you away from me forever and I'll never see you again because you'll be sucking face with her instead of talking to me and I'm acting completely cracked and unreasonably jealous. Breathe.' –Yeah, I remember her."

"I, well, could,-" he's actually stuttering. The super soldier, legend through time, Captain freaking America, is nervous.

"Spit it out, Steve," I say with a forced smile, trying not to sound how I feel.

"How do I, ask her..." he trails off uncomfortably.

"Ask her out? You want me to tell you how to ask her out on a date?" I feel like I'm gonna throw-up my heart.

'Physically impossible perhaps, but there's high psychosomatic activity going on in my insides...'

Steve nods, looking slightly hopeful if still fidgety. "She grounds me, you know? Around her, I don't even think about work stuff."

'Of course.'

"Aren't you a master strategist? Isn't planning like, your thing?"

"This isn't something I'm familiar with..."

"Well I certainly don't have any experience asking girls out... Or, being asked out, for that matter," I correct.

"Well, anything would be appreciated."

'I wish he'd put the puppy-dog eyes away! I can practically hear Sarah McLachlan singing "Angel".'

"All right," I manage to croak out. "Um, I suppose, I mean I don't know her very well... but if, if it were me...- 'danger, Will Robinson!' –well, I think I would want you to tell me that you're interested in getting to know me better a-and just ask me out already- I-I mean, instead of beating around the bush."

'What a mess! What was that?? That was terrible! Are you nuts? We agreed to not think of Steve that way! You'll just end up with a broken heart. It is called a "crush" for a reason.

Yeah, but it's been a lot more than "just a crush" for a while now, hasn't it?'

"Be direct? I can do that." He brightens. "Thanks Anne." Steve pats my shoulder and leaves without a goodbye.

"Anytime... Anywhere... Anything..." I whisper.

-------------------------------

A/N: This gif seemed particularly appropriate for this chapter. Anne doesn't 'wike' most of what's going on with Steve, Steve doesn't 'wike' what S.H.I.E.L.D. and Fury have been up to, and I really, really don't 'wike' this chapter. I don't think I do emotions/serious/angst stuff well at all. So, sorry about that but thanks for slogging through it. The next chapter should at least be a bit lighter.

Also, can we take a moment to appreciate Jeremy Renner's perfect reaction to Chris Evans acting like a toddler? The whole cast is adorable and it's completely unfair to the rest of us.