|Published July 9, 2016| Pacific Time.

Chapter III | ISOLATED CIRCLE

An endeavor for concealment
-Razor Blade

A loud screech strains my focus from the forest ahead. I jerk my head behind me as my golden horse gallops full speed towards the safety of the trees. My emerald-eyes scream at the dreadful scene behind me. Crimson covers the earth with its warmth. Pouring rain impedes me from distinguishing the injured soldiers, but not enough to catch a human maneuvering around a ten-meter titan. His familiar physique triggers me to pull the reins towards the danger, towards my comrades and squad leader I learned to see as a father I never had.

No matter how much I urge Sam to rush, Zack seems to distance further away. Pleas of help from countless soldiers invade my ears as the abnormal catches Zack's body. He squirms but it's no use. I urge Sam to run faster. My name slips out from several familiar squad members in the area. Begging me to help them before they experience the crush of bones and prologue wails of tremendous pain.

My eyes dart everywhere for those voices but no soldiers lay standing. No titans are left but the one holding Zack near its repulsive mouth. Why can't I hear him speak or cry out? Why can I only hear those around me but not Zack's? I would not give up on this futile mission to save Zack. It's evident I'm too far away to even save him from the grasps of a titan in the first place. But there's always a possibility to save him, is it? Unfortunately, not. Even when I'm falling down the ground with an enormous weight crushing instantly my bones and organs, why couldn't I hear Zack's voice?

I pry my eyelids open to come in contact with an unlit room. 'It was a nightmare.' With my fingers I move the curtain to watch outside. With the little light reflecting the sky I peer at my golden watch placed securely on my right wrist. This glamorous golden watch was giving to me by Zack Henderson on my twenty-fourth birthday, two years ago. It reads 5:20 a.m. Wait----wrong. I rub the eye gunk I accumulated throughout the night before glancing at it again. 5:40 a.m. How did I end up reading the large handle on number four when it was pointing on number eight? I don't recall drinking. Probably I'm still a bit heavy-eyed.

My comrades' terrorized voices faintly flow in the air as I rest my back on the white sheets. Everything felt so real. The numbing on my thighs and a familiar wave of nausea consumed me for an instant as a sharp pain pierced on my lower abdomen. I can still feel the sensation. Hold on--- it's actually me. Not the affects of the dream. I remove the blanket off me to discern the expected week of the month. I wish someone out there could possibly invent a better sanitary pad than what we have in this century.

Groaning from the hassle of wearing now a notorious sanitary pad, I open one of the drawers to retrieve the little devil. With the sheets I clean up the mess between my inner thighs until leaving it a bit descent before I scurry towards the woman's shower stalls. At least, I'm the only one occupying this room for now.

My hands work on the Hoosier Sanitary Belt that's in the form of a cotton wool or similar fibrous rectangle covered with an absorbent liner. The liner ends extend front and back so as to fit through loops in a special girdle or belt worn beneath undergarments. After wasting my morning energy on my crimson month, I continue with my morning routine.

I rise from the bunk bed before cleaning up the room. A total of five bunk beds lay empty inside the room. None of the veterans returned from the recent expedition. I'm the only one left in this room. Two soldiers were from Ferno Dalasty's Squad meanwhile the other seven were from the deceased squad leader Tony Elvo and Raul Brinkman. Thus leaving the last missing veteran, Light Bros from Zack Henderson's squad.

After finishing with my personal chores, I grab my clothes: undergarments, socks, brown boots and the Scouting Legion Uniform. Including shampoo, soap, some metal razors to shave, and some weird cream made of a long list of ingredients. I don't have it memorized but a brilliant man name Paul Asuar wrote it on the bottle when he handed it to me five months ago. It has been helpful with my sensitive skin after shaving so far.

Thankfully no one's an early-bird here. Who would want to start their day at five o'clock in the morning? Probably the Commander. Taking advantage of the Survey Corps accustom awakening, I set off to the showers at daybreak.

I lock my room before making my way to the showers quietly. I've stored my stained bed sheets on my drawer. I'll wash them later today.

It's the first time I've dreamed about Zack ever since his death two weeks ago. I died in my dream last night. I heard my comrade's voices calling me to rescue them. I heard everyone's except Zack's. I could only see him struggle to break free. He never acknowledged my presence. I know it was just a nightmare but I can't help ask why he was mute?

Finally arriving to the showers, I make sure no one is around then proceed to remove my clothes. I then place them on the stone bench before grabbing the bucket of water from the corner of the shower stalls. This will be an interesting shower.

______

After washing my golden hair and my entire body twice, I attentively shave my legs. I groan inwardly. I wish I was like other women who don't worry about doing this every day or two. I'm not complaining for my legs and thighs but it's indeed exhausting.

Rinsing my metal razor for the hundredth time this morning, I finish shaving all my thighs and legs. My arms are not an exception. I follow the same procedure with my arms. The fresh sensation of bare skin looses my worries. The view of unwanted hairs removing themselves by the movements of my razor blade builds up my inner beauty self-esteem but temporarily. After finishing shaving my arms, I head to both my armpits to leave them smooth. Rinsing once again the metal razor, I gaze down onto my whole belly that needs the same treatment yet I don't have the courage to do so.

Thankfully these hairs of mine don't compare to a male stomach, but the pattern is similar but light black and softly straight. Similar to peach fuzz but medium length, dark-light hair that isn't as dark but visible to the human eye.

My fingers hover over my hairy belly then move up to my breast and chest that expose hair as well. Luckily not as dark but light black. I touch my shoulders and collarbone that have the same faith.Including my back. I sigh at such sight. Despite the lack of heaviness, it's still really noticeable and looks unfeminine to the men's eyes. But thankfully it isn't as dark as a male when staring at the mirror.

Washing myself one last time, I dry myself and change to my full uniform along with my Hoosier Sanitary Belt used as an underwear. Thankfully the brown cloth protects the visual. I glimpse on my golden watch. 6:40 a.m. Breakfast is ready. Rising up from the bench I proceed to leave but almost forget to check my face. Groaning for the second time, I stroll to the mirror and start plucking my eyebrows to their straight form. Then with a different cream, I rub the substance around my entire face. After a minute, I use another small towel to help me remove the unwanted hairs. 'I wish I didn't have to worry for this stuff. Am I really a female, a woman?' I guess I'll just accept my destiny and deal with it. I still have my organs and body parts intact.

______

Today I'll be meeting the Special Operation Squad, a well known squad in the Survey Corps. Of what I know, the squad consists of three males and a single female, all hand picked by Captain Levi himself. One of the best of the very best, is what veterans say. The squad leaders don't usually eat in the dining room except in some occasions, which are extremely rare. The Commander never appears in the dining room and my new squad never does as well. 'I wonder why other squads eat here except Levi's squad.'

Seating down on an occupied table, I spot a group of male recruits who didn't have the chance to attend the recent expedition. Every person who enters the Survey Corps is informed on the day of their graduation that we are not considered soldiers until we have returned alive on our first expedition outside the walls. That male group taking quick glimpses of me are still considered new recruits. Well--- technically they are when they've just transferred here this February a couple of months ago. Any veteran will be able to detect such substantial detail. The group's aura indicates evident inexperience.

I consume the last of my soup. Wiping my mouth with a napkin I rise from my chair but am caught short when a familiar six-foot teenager walks up to me.

"Hey Athena. Can I talk to you for a bit?" He smirks.

"What the hell do you want Derek?" I respond coldly. Perhaps James went off telling everyone yesterday after learning about my little secret. I wouldn't be surprised that he had told everyone in the Survey Corps already. It doesn't matter anymore. Well---I guess deep inside, it really does break me apart.

"I heard you're different." With his fingers he makes two invisible quotes in the air. Derek Lebi a nineteen-year-old recruit who has just entered this year to the Survey Corps, is a complete imbecile. He's naive, very naive. Believes he's right when it's the contrary. I have no clue how Erwin allowed Derek to enter this regiment. He's useless with that snobby personality he carries around every damn day. Perhaps Derek's personality explains why he hasn't attended an expedition yet.

"What the hell are you up to?" I lean on my hip. I don't hide the annoyance on my voice.

"I mean that you're different from other girls in here." His smirk widens. His hazel-eyes glint in curiosity. 'I don't like that face.' "I wanted to see for myself."

"What?" He lifts my shirt to expose my well defined stomach of years of constant workout with it's major flaw.

"Oh.Oh.Oh. Look it here!" He yells in surprise. I immediately shove his hands away from my shirt and lower it to cover my bare skin. A futile attempt when a roar of shock throbs my ears. The group that was seating on the table moments ago had surrounded both Derek and I. Unfortunately, they saw what I didn't expect them to see. Stupid kids. Once again I descry their disgusted and disapproving meins. "Fuck Athena, you really are different." Derek ridicules. I feel humiliated and depressed but my aura and demeanor states otherwise. These ignorant kids won't be my dismay.

"Look at you." He points out with his finger as he laughs.

"Hey you guys!" A skinny blond kid yells from the group of guys around me. "We should ask Athena here if she wants to join the wolf clan." Everyone starts to laugh at the kid's words.

"Fucking disgusting." Derek glares at me. What the hell is wrong with him? I decide to remain silent and simply walk away from them with my empty tray in hand. "You will die, all of you." I murmur quietly meanwhile I exit the dining room. 'I miss you Zack.' I miss all of my squad. 'I miss you...so much.'

I ascend the stairs towards Captain Levi's office. He ordered me yesterday to report to him in the morning. It's already---I glance at my watch. 7:20 a.m. Perfect timing. During my time with Zack's squad, I always made sure to serve Zack his favorite morning coffee. Coffee has never been on my favorite drinking list. Water has always been a friend that will refresh me after an intense workout. Coffee only excites. I prefer a warm cozy cup of chocolate during the days of winter. A smile sneaks its way on my lips. Just the memories of the times I will accidently spill the substance on Zack's shirt helps me forget about the incident in the dining room just now. How pitiful I must be. My reverie is now filled with sorrow. I can't even pass a day without thinking about my squad and my squad leader. They were like family.

We consisted of two females - myself included - and three males. Zack being the fourth male. We were perfect. We had each others backs. We trusted fully on each other's skills. We were loyal to one another. How did our physical bond crumbled down in an instant? I remember now. It was such a foolish mistake caused by another recruit who decided to freak out in the most dangerous situation.

Loving Light couldn't allow the young recruit to die in the hands of the ten-meter titan. I did my best to stop her but it was too late. Time was moving in a rapid pace I couldn't catch up to. Her beautiful, raven hair styled always in a ponytail, got caught by the titan's teeth. Her speed was no match for the repugnant titan. Her shrieks of terror were the last words she expressed before she perished right in front my eyes. I couldn't move a single muscle as several abnormals emerged from the several trees in the area.

If it weren't for Zack I could have been dead by now. He was the reason I remained focus all the way. Why didn't he make it out alive? He was wise enough. He was strong enough. He was an excellent soldier.

"Oi." The world connects once again. I'm no longer outside the walls but in front of Levi. How long have I been like this? He snaps his fingers at me.

"Uh?" I shake my head to rid myself from my thoughts. "I apologize. I lost track of time."

"Lost track of time isn't the correct phrase to use." Levi allows me in. "It's 'I lost myself in thought'. Are you always like this?"

"No." I watch him lock his drawer from his desk.

"I understand what occurred in the past expedition." He grabs his green wings of freedom coat. "Try to focus at least while I'm present."

"Yes Sir."

"We're not staying here. We're heading to the classroom." Levi leads me to the front door.

"I'm meeting the squad there?"

"Yes." He locks the room.

______

Why is it invading my vision in a time like this? Could it probably be the resemblance from my first meeting with my squad? Not Levi's. My squad. Zack's Squad.

"Hello there." A five-foot seven, raven hair female shaked my hand. "My name's Light Bros." Her blue eyes shimmer in excitement. Both her and I apparently graduated in the same year. Eerie that I never noticed her before. How did I know such information? Profile report. I was given each members profile report to have a better idea with who I was dealing with. This went for the rest of the squad.

"Athena Leongate Heart. Nice to meet you." I smiled back.

"Two females in the squad?" A six-foot-tall man strolled up to us. Is it me or do I find everyone in the Survey Corps tall? "Now that's an honor." He folded his arms to his chest and scanned us both before saying. "My name's Kay. Kay Thomson." He extended his hand for both of us to shake. Not in the same time of course. Kay Thompson graduated three years ago before we entered the squad and has been in Zack's squad for two years. Him and two other male soldiers graduated together and ended up in Zack's squad as well.

"Geez. Kay. I thought you said we'll introduce each other together!?" Another tall, slim man with brown-uppercut hair styled in an angular fringe, jogged up to us with another man by his side.

"You guys were taking forever." Kay responded nonchalantly as he leaned on a tree.

"So these are the new recruits? This will be interesting." And the introductions began yet again. I met Eli Adams, the angular fringe guy, and met Alexander Grave, a rather protective guy.

"Hi, My name's Petra Ral." I'm no longer outside the Headquarters. I blink away the nostalgia. I nod.

"Olou Bozado."

"Gunther Schultz."

"And I'm Eld Jinn."

"It's nice meeting you Divergent." The ginger woman name--- what was it again? I really need to work on my focus. She sends me a genuine smile.

"Athena Leongate Heart actually. Nice meeting you all." I salute. "I prefer it that way." I explain after.

"You're really pretty." She compliments with an innocent smile catching me off guard.

"Thanks." I nod with no expression. Levi glides next to me.

"Tonight we're moving to the old headquarters."

"How long?" I ask him.

"For a month."

"A month!?" The man who dresses in a similar fashion as Captain Levi, exclaims.

"It will allow me to train you personally with no interruptions." He updates the squad. We are currently located on a Survey Corps classroom. Before the full squad made their appearance Levi was explaining me some of the rules in his squad. Which wasn't much. They relate a lot to Zack's expectations and rules. Respect your comrades and believe in our strength.

"Heichou."

"What is it Petra?" He faces Petra. She is a really beautiful, young woman. Just by eyeing at her, I can tell she doesn't have what I have. Over the years, I have only encountered two women with hirsutism. I have learned to distinguish such differences in female.

"I know this might be inconvenient-" She fidgets where she stands. "-but are we still going to rest at night?" She asks. What rest? You mean sleep? Don't they sleep? Usually I snooze off for thirty-minutes in the afternoon to recharge my energy. I'm not a machine. If I don't have my quick nap in the afternoon then I'll end up regretting it somehow. Don't they have breaks during the day? Probably not. No wonder they're the Special Operations Squad.

"Yes Petra. We will. Just this once." He throws on his coat in the process. Just this once!? I sleep more than what I'm expected to when there's no expedition. How the hell am I going to remain awake? Does this mean coffee will be my new best friend? Then I guess----welcome my fellow energy boost. You'll be in charge of keeping me awake and sane.

"Oh thank you Heichou." They all smile in appreciation.

"Am I missing something?" I ask, obviously confused. "Just a heads up-" I step back to get a view of the whole squad. "I need my thirty-minute nap every afternoon to recharge my energy." I look at Levi. "Otherwise I'll regret it later."

"What?" Levi raises his eyebrows in confusion.

"You said we'll rest just for tonight. I assume-" I glance at the squad. "-you guys don't sleep much. Probably a few... hours?" I guess.

"Oh no." Petra dismisses my assumption. "I mean rest as in gathering together for a drink."

"With the Captain?" I rest my hand on my hip bone and eye the Captain in utter confusion. He doesn't seem that lenient.

"Of course." Petra chortles.

"I just hope Hanji Zoe doesn't barge in and disturbs our gathering." I hear Eld groan.

"Ahh." I nod then when no one is looking roll my eyes half way in remiss.

"Athena." Levi mutters out. Maybe not.

______

Today I've discovered Captain Levi may probably me Germophobic. After arriving at the old headquarters, he immediately sent us to work. I wasn't expecting cleaning the whole damn place. I understand the necessity but the basement? We have no business in there. I bet for the third time my golden watch we're not even going to near the basement this entire month.

I dry my golden hair meanwhile I make my way to my assigned room. A long lasting sleep will surely recharge my energy. I'm completely worn out. Might as well name me Sloth.

"Athena. Aren't you going to join?" I jump at Petra's abrupt appearance. "Oops. Sorry." She covers her mouth. I raise my hand over my chest to calm the sudden surprise.

"You almost got me killed." I whisper.

"Aren't you coming?"

"What? No." I shake my head but it doesn't seem to register. Petra is already dragging towards the library. "Is it necessary for me attend to this small gathering?" I complain under my breath.

"It will be nice and relaxing. Trust me." She assures.

"I prefer resting under the fresh sheets of slumber." I yank my hand away from her. My eyes haven't had their rest for the entire day. What my eyes need is an award for keeping themselves awake and moving. "Petra. I need to rest."

"You won't regret." She urges on.

"Oh. Trust me-" I indicate. "-I'm regretting it already."

"It's an order from Captain Levi."

"No it isn't." I circle to my room.

"Athena-"

"I said no." I stern.

"You really need to refresh yourself." She advices.

I close my eyes as I breathe out the frustration and exhaustion running through my bones. Wait---take that back. Running through my veins. "Only for a couple of minutes. That's it." I rub my eyes with my fingers.

"Okay." She claps her hands together and leads me to the library. She's as iron-willed as my ex-squad member Light Bros. Shoot. There comes the reveries. I guess Petra's proposition could be my savior for once. I need to stay focus. Not live the past. "Here we are, Athena." She introduces. Opening the double doors, I spot Eld, Gunther and Olou seating on the burgundy carpet. A chimney situates itself on the side of the room. The small fire creates a cozy and welcoming atmosphere. Lately it's been getting chilly this days.

"Where's Levi Heichou?" Petra seats on the carpet.

"He went off to grab a bottle of wine." Eld stretches out.

"Wine? That's new." Petra seats down. I take a seat next her leaving a space what apparently seems to be between Gunther and I.

"I see Petra dragged you out of the shower." He chuckles. Drops of water slips from my golden hair and come in contact with my forearm.

"I wouldn't say drag me out of the shower. More like forbid my slumber." I continue drying my hair until it has dried enough. Levi enters soon after with indeed a bottle of wine. He swiftly takes a seat next to me as I fold the white towel and place it neatly on my lap.

"Athena. Are you not going to grab one?" Petra tells me.

"Grab what?"

"A drink." She makes a cheers motion with her whisky.

"It's okay." I shake it off.

"Oh--Come on. Take one." She insists.

"I'm fine. Don't worry Petra."

"Suit yourself." She sips on the whiskey. A hot chocolate will be more suitable in a chilly night like this and with a warm chimney to accompany it. At that moment someone enters the room startling everyone except for the Captain.

"Hello Special Operation Squad and hello there Levi." 'Squad Leader Hanji Zoe?!'

"What brings you here to disturb our good night rest, Hanji?" I hear the Captain speak beside me.

"Well, I heard you guys were coming here, so I decided to join to further have space to study my newest explanations about Titans. But I see you guys are here chit chatting your deepest secrets I assume."

"What makes you think that?" The Captain inquiries.

"Just." She shrugs and spots the alcohol laid resting in the center. "Let's play a game!" She proposes excitingly but then halts her movements when her brown-eyes land on my own. "Wow Levi, you really did get her! Divergent, right?" She sits across from me between Olou and Eld.

"Athena." I correct. Not a bit stunned how the Survey Corps knows my nickname. Zack was extremely open with my nickname. He never addressed by my name except when reporting to the Commander. My nickname however, is reserved to my old squad.

"Athena?" Hanji arcs a brow.

"My name's Athena Leongate Heart. I prefer you call me Athena or Heart. Whatever you prefer." I wave it off.

"Alright." She smiles. "You're some gorgeous woman, Athena. Just like Petra right here." She smiles to Petra who replies with a thank you. On the other hand, I remain silent. Is that the only feature they can see. What about my abilities and skills?

"Don't speak too much, do you?" Hanji points out.

"She has to recharge her energy for tomorrow." Levi butts in. I glance at him to see him serious. Never did I expect him to take it to consideration. He wasn't joking around.

"Well, Athena will be speaking a lot tonight. That's for sure." She laughs. I'll have to fix my dirty thoughts as well. That sounded wrong from the sexual perspective. "Okay! Let's play the True or Dare Game."

"Oh please Hanji. Seriously?" I hear Petra protest.

"You're just trying to kill us with that stupid machine. Are you? " Olou exclaims. While hearing them protest I don't realize I'm shifting near Levi's body. The squad starts fighting over the machine to the point of accidently hitting me. I loose my balance and fall onto Levi. A comfortable warm touch soothes my senses. Wait--- damn it's the Captain. I instinctively jerk away from him and apologize. He doesn't seem bothered by the private intrusion.

"Hey Athena." I swivel towards Hanji. "Are you ready to play?" Seems they've already gave up and are ready to play.

"Sure. Explain the rules. I've never done this before." I lean back with palms resting on the carpet behind me. "I'll be leaving in a couple of minutes anyway."

"Not in this game." I furrow my eyebrows. "It's exactly like spin the bottle. If it lands on you, the person asks you truth or dare. If you don't complete the dare you lose a part of your clothing."

"I'm not playing." I refuse.

"You've got only ten dares." She continuous oblivious to my rejection.

"Why?"

"They're easier to accomplish."

"What if I lie?" I ask.

"This machine will detect it. You will lose and take another piece of clothing."

"Is there a winner in all of this?" I eye the group.

"Oh yeah." She snorts. "The moment the person loses all of their clothing, loses. The game finishes and the person with the most clothes wins." She says calmly.

"So the loser will be naked?"

"Yeah." She shrugs like if it were normal.

"How many times have you guys played this game?"

"Well about dozens of times. Actually this is the second time for the Captain." Petra points out.

"Who won last time?"

"Levi Heichou of course." They all chuckle. "Luckily last time I had some clothes on when the game finished." Petra giggles.

"The alcohol helps us feel comfortable." Eld comments.

"I don't want to play." I say straight up.

"Come on, Athena. It will be fun. Especially with the alcohol." Petra adds. 'For you it might be because you have nothing to hide.' I glare at her. I don't only have to dealt with my crimson month but my substantial flaw.

"I don't drink such things." I pinch my nose.

"What? You don't drink. You're an adult. You're twenty-three-years-old."

"Twenty-six to be exact." I correct her.

"Wow you really look young." They gaze.

"It won't be that bad." She assures me with a lazy hand. "Come on Hanji, let's play." Everyone snatch their bottles including the Captain. Hanji places an empty bottle in the middle of the group and starts to spin the bottle. All the angels that are in the sky prevent the bottle from landing on me. It lands on Petra.

"Truth or Dare, Petra." Gunther smirks

"Dare." She replies confidently.

"I dare you Petra Ral to kiss passionately-" I watch him glance towards the Captain who seems unfazed by the devil smirks coming from Eld. "-Levi Heichou."

"What?!" She blushes.

"Come on Petra. Everyone knows your feelings for Heichou." Gunther smirks.

"Is one of devotion and respect." She protests as she continues to blush. 'She likes the Captain?'

"Yeah whatever." Eld waves it off.

"Want to give up on that jacket you have. You know first lose always has the possibility to end up naked." Hanji smirks.

"Okay. You win. I take the dare." She huffs and moves in between Levi and I. I scrutiny the Captain's reaction and facial expression. Expressionless. If you omit the single glint in his eyes then expressionless.

Why do I feel a sting of pain in my chest when the Captain scoots closer to her? How he takes a chunk of the back of her ginger hair before pulling her into a French Kiss? Everyone yells in astonishment whilst I remain silent as dirt. 'Why do I feel hurt?' His hand rest firmly on her waist. I face away from such scene in front of me. 'Can it be that I felt like he could at least be different.' We've only conversed a few times. How is it even possible?

"Okay. Times Up." Hanji cuts them both. Petra's a blushing mess whilst the Captain looks unfazed by the recent kiss. I wonder his reaction if it were me. Probably---the same.

The bottle is spinned once again to torment the players. Should I pray once again for my success? Too late. "Divergent!" I hear Hanji laugh hysterically, obviously experiencing the affects of the alcohol too soon. "Your turn. Tru--th or Dare?" She throws her arms around.

I ponder whether I should choose dare but detecting Hanji's devil smirk erases that option completely from my list. Leaving me with truth. It can't be that bad. Right? "Truth." I doubt Hanji's question could bring me absolute misery.

"Oookay!" Her enthusiastic voice rings my eardrums. Olou sticks some wires on both my temples resembling to that of an execution. It's been a long time public execution has been perform. Nowadays it's done on private or during a pursuit. "Athena Leongate Heart who also goes by the name Divergent..." I glare intently at her words as I force myself to remain compose and hide my trepidation. Never did I sign to perform this game. How could I be so stupid enough to play their games. I'll be leaving after this question anyways. I would have done my part by then. Meanwhile I wait for Hanji's question, I sense a piercing stare coming from my right. I block my attention from it. "...Will tell only the truth, for there not be told, will receive great punishment. Athena, I ask....Are you a Virgin?" All my worries are perished. Vanished to be precise. What an easy question.

"Yes." I nod. A green light pops in the machine notifying that I have said the complete truth.

"What?!" Everyone yells at the small revelation. All except the Captain.

"You haven't had sex? You're Twenty-six!" Petra shakes my shoulders. 'Easy for you to say.' My Hoosie Sanitary Belt is hindering a comfortable seating position.

"Are you a virgin, Petra?" I gesture to her girly parts. My emerald eyes scrutinize her as she unconsciously leans a bit besides the Captain.

"Of course not." She snorts. I face away from her. My annoyance clearly beginning spread out from my composed demeanor.

"How many times?" Hanji says before gulping on her whiskey. I gaze at the burning flames inside the chimney. I once read on an old ancient book about a man leaving gifts the night of Christmas Eve. No one knew how he looked like. It says he would enter from the chimney unnoticed. I wonder if it was actually true. The warmth from the fire creates security and comfort yet contradict to what's happening around me.

"Well---I think about four or seven times." She shrugs. "What about you Gunther?"

"Seven." Gunther responds."Eld?"

"Eight." Eld confesses.

"Four." Olou adds. 'Him too?!'

"Nine times." Hanji hits her chest with her fist in proudness. I shift my attention to the Captain who remains silent as he stares pensively at the carpet floor with his bottle of wine in hand. "What about you Levi?" Hanji says. I bet for the fourth time my golden watch he has done it so many times. He is a handsome man that possesses a sexual appeal to those from the opposite competition. My competition. Wait---hold on a second. Why is it that I feel a teeny bit of jealousy when I think of other women that could possibly win his heart? How ridiculous I'm being. He would never accept my flaw.

"Once." He sips on of his wine. 'Just once?'

Hanji laughs at him in disbelief. "Humanity's Strongest just had sex once?!" She archs her back as she holds her stomach from the pressure.

"Sex is something to be taken seriously." He ignores Hanji's laughter. "Not to be taken as a simple fucking pleasure just when you feel like wanting a good fuck tonight. You should all consider your value and worth. I'm completely astonished by my squads idiocy. But what am I to judge. Right?" He speaks leisurely. I rise from the floor to escape the smell of alcohol and uncomfortable.

"Hey Divergent!" I hear them call to me in confusion.

"Don't call me that." I warn as I proceed to the door.

"Why are you leaving?" Petra calls out.

"I need to rest. I'm exhausted." I leave them to their sexual game. 'Fucking disgusting.'

______

I sunk myself on a trunk that's connected to a gorgeous weeping willow tree on top of a nice hill located near the hidden old castle a.k.a the old Survey Corps Headquarters. I have changed into some black boots, black pants, black plane shirt, and black coat including my gear. I draw out my blades and scrupulously begin to caress the names and symbols carved into my keen blade. These miraculous names belong to my old squad each one of them carved in personally.

"I miss you." My fingers hover leisurely onto the carved names. "I wish you guys were here with me." I gaze at the night sky. "I stayed silent and ignored them today. Like you guys always advised me to do if it ever come to it." Tears threaten to fall from my emerald orbs. "Yet it hurts." My eyebrows furrow in clear disappointment. "I try to forgive yet I can't." I mutter. "I wish I could of done more to save you all." I clench my black pants. "Damn. I really need you guys... I need you Zack." I contain the tears from coming out. I feel a wave of wind blow slightly towards my direction causing me to shiver at the contact.

"Best to do is to head back inside." The voice of a certain Captain advices from behind me. I turn my face halfway. My eyes capture him leaning on the tree trunk. The leaves from the weeping willow tree leave an open space so I have a clear view of him.

"Is that an order?" My head remains turned to the left side yet my eyes don't land at his figure but the grass beside me. "Because if it is...then it will be a pity to leave without admiring the stars yet." I get off the trunk and lay flat on the fresh grass with my back against the ground.

"Just head back inside." He makes his way towards me.

"May I ask why Sir?" I take in the view of billions of stars and the full moon.

"Tired of babysitting you idiots. Now let's head back inside." He urges me quietly.

"I'm no idiot. I can take care of myself." I cover myself with another black warm coat just longer. I pull the coat up to my chin and turn my face to the right. I close my eyes to relax and escape this nightmare of titans and rejection for once but get interrupted once again by the voice of Levi.

"Oi. If your plan is to lay here like a dead rat, go back to your room." He kicks me slightly with his foot on my left shoulder. Opening my eyes I get up on a sitting position.

"Allow me to release my troubles tonight, out here with no one around." I gesture towards the scenery. After a minute of silence Levi speaks again.

"Zack Henderson." I watch the Captain seat right next to me.

"What about him?" The light from the lantern I brought outlines Levi's prominent features. Spectacular.

"He seemed like an important person to you."

"Did you ever speak with him?

"Only outside expeditions when it was necessary." He lowers the light of the lantern. "Who did you try to forgive but can't?"

"You heard everything did you?"

"I couldn't interrupt you like that." He gazes at the full moon. Can't blame him. It's indeed beautiful."So who is it, Divergent?"

"Those that hurt me." I look at my blades. "They just don't understand. If your worry is the effect it may bring on my performance in your squad, then don't agonize. This hindrance will not be my dismay."

"The contrary." He admits. A pause takes place before I break the silence.

"Wasn't expecting a game of truth and dare." I confess with a loud sigh.

"I only did it so Hanji would stop irritating me with her Titan experiments. She keeps repeating the same results."

"Are they still playing?"

"Yes but they'll be cleaning the whole damn place tomorrow." Levi assures.

"With all do respect but I never thought you would have done it once." I hesitate. I've just marked my grave. I can't help be curious.

"I take such intimate actions seriously. It's not something to mess around with." He simply states. "I'm curious myself how you stayed virgin all these years."

"There's no need when the only thing I receive are rejections." I quietly explain with a hint of sadness. "There hasn't been one guy that had accepted me from what I am and never will. But I guess it's for the best...I'm a soldier that may likely die in any moment outside the walls. It's better this way."

"Then those pigs are not man at all." I turn to him realizing he is staring at me with acceptance.

"That's what I say." I smile faintly as I look down towards the lantern for a moment then back to Levi. "Besides those jerks are a waste of my time. They all are. Every single one them except my old squad."

"Are you calling me a jerk?"

"That all depends."

"Whatever you think of me, I wouldn't give a damn anyway." He bluntly states. I feel disappointment wash through me at his blunt words. Why do I have hopes that he may be different? 'Obviously he's no different. He likes everything clean...like Petra.'

"Was she a special one?" I ask him. I'm talking about the girl he did it with.

"She was..." He faces away from me. His voice lingering for a moment in thought. "...and she still is." I feel sad and hurt like a fiber of my unstable heart has once again ripped into another set of pieces. Yet in the same time a sensation of true happiness over rules my sadness. I feel happiness for him that he have found a person that have loved him back and have shared something so intimate that was full of pure love. Yet I'm hurt because I will never get that from him. I frown at my own thought. I have just realized that I may have developed feelings for my Captain. Was it for his looks or something more deep? If I'm thinking about the issue such as intercourse then I'm falling for him. 'But how? It's only been two days? ' I block those thoughts and ignore my feelings for him. It's a waste of time to be stressing for the impossible.

"How was she like?" I interlock my hands around my folded legs as my knees touch my chest.

"She was..." Levi stops. Unsure if to continue on.

"You don't have to tell me. It wasn't my right to ask such a personal question."

"She was a stupid brat."

"That's a weird way to describe her."

"But she was beautiful...in my eyes." He says. "Always smiling. Always goofing around." He pauses once again. "Always took my words seriously. Even the harsh ones that weren't always meant to hurt."

"What's her name if I may ask?"

"...Her name was... Isabel."

"She passed away did she?"

"..."

"..."

"On our first expedition years ago."

"The world we live in is cruel." I empathy.

"That's why we need to eliminate the titans and make sure our love ones don't die in vain."

"Since that day you haven't found another love?"

"No but perhaps." 'He likes someone right now?'

"Is she aware of your feelings?"

"She doesn't realize it."

"Then she's stupid for not realizing it." I chuckle for once.

"The same thing I tell myself."

"By any chance is it Petra?"

"Never...Despite her beauty it doesn't sum up to my expectations of her becoming something substantial in my life besides just being a great dear subordinate."

"People always say you are an emotionless man but you're the most emotional man I have ever met. I mean in a good way. I don't see why people fear you. Yes indeed you may beat the life out of me any moment as you please but you don't scare me at the very least."

"Good to know." We stay quiet for some few minutes until he speaks again. "Why those jerks reject you?"

"They hate different."

"Define different?"

"I don't fit their expectations. In the end, the physical is what matters most to them."

"I surely don't."

"I realize that. Yet I'm afraid that won't last."

"Why you say that, Divergent?" I've just realized I've allowed him to address me by my nickname.

"Just don't look at me different."

¤Upcoming Chapter¤
Chapter IV Rejoinder

Veradicity presented a Levi Ackerman fanfiction of an ErmozaWatt story "My Name's Divergent" Starring Levi Ackerman · Athena Leongate Heart.

|Published July 9, 2016| Pacific Time.
|Word Count: 7,273|