(Originally posted April 5, 2013)

Zoey's Party

Zoey

I was mad. I was so fucking mad.

Why couldn't she tell me the truth? After all the time we spent together. All the years that had passed.

I could understand if my birth mother was a complete stranger, but Zara had been a part of my life for ever. I loved her. She was my favourite Aunt. Fuck, next to Mom and Dad, she was my favourite relative, period. We would shop together. I would tell her all my secrets. She knew everything about me.

I considered her not only my Aunt, but one of my dearest friends.

And the one thing that she kept from me was perhaps the most important thing of all.

She was my Mom.

Sheila

The party was over.

We sent everyone home, except for Dylan's parents and Dylan.

Dylan took Zoey to her room and we tried to explain things to the Traverses. They were completely understanding. They too, had heard Zoey joke about being adopted.

And they were as shocked as we were by her reaction. Zoey had always been in such control. But she simply lost it.

I had never seen my little girl so mad.

Dylan

I took Zoey to her room and sat on her bed with her, holding her in my arms.

She was so mad. But I think more than mad, she was hurt. She felt that Zara had betrayed her by not telling her.

I tried to explain to her that she must have had her reasons, but Zoey would have no part of it. Then she started to get mad at me. She accused me of taking Zara's side. I tried to explain to her that I was simply looking at both sides. And I tried to get her to understand how extremely difficult it must have been for Zara at the party. She had no idea what was going on, when Zoey literally attacked her.

Zoey

As always, Dylan was trying to be the diplomat, but I wanted no part of it. Not this time. This was the one time that I wanted him to see things my way. To be on my side. Not to side with that bitch, Zara.

I got so mad at him. I told him to leave. He refused at first, but I insisted.

He no sooner closed the door than I wanted to run to him. I did love him, but I was still fuming.

I could not calm myself down.

I just wanted to kill something.

Dylan

I went downstairs and apologized for Zoey. I told Mom and Dad, that given the situation, it was best that we left. I hugged Peter and Sheila and we left. I told them I would phone later.

They also promised that if anything changed, they would get in touch with me.

Peter

I was lost. What should have been a wonderful celebration had turned into a nightmare. I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to go to Zoey, but I honestly did not know what to say to her.

But Sheila, as always, knew exactly what to do.

Sheila

I went to my nightstand and took an old envelope from a box. I went to Zoey's room. When I opened the door, she gave me the strangest look. I simply laid the envelope on the bed, told her that her Mom and Dad loved her and I left. I went back downstairs with Peter.

Zoey

I didn't know what the envelope was. I just thought it was a birthday card. I picked it up and was going to rip it up, but the writing on the front stopped me. It said...

'To My Darling Little Girl'

I stared at the envelope for what seemed like hours. Several times I was going to tear it to bits, but something stopped me.

Finally I opened it.

To my darling Zoey,

I held you for the last time today. As I stared into your beautiful blue eyes, my heart cried.

I don't know what our situations will be, by the time you read this letter, but I just wanted you to know that what I do now, I do for you.

I could not possibly give you the life you deserve, the love you deserve, the opportunities that you deserve. And I want you to have every opportunity that life will offer you.

I know now, as I hold you, and you look my way, that it is not me that you are looking at, but the wonderment of this new world that surrounds you. It is an amazing world Zoey and I know you will be such an amazing part of it.

I wish I could share all these wonders with you, but in the process I am afraid that I would be denying you so much.

I want you to enjoy everything that there is in life to enjoy. I just feel that with me, you would be denied so much. And I cannot let that be.

I simply can't.

I will always love you. You will always be my little girl and even if our paths never cross again, I want you to know that your Mommy loves you. More than life itself.

I do this for you, because I love you. You may never know me, never see me, but I will always hold you in my heart. I will never forget you.

And I pray that you will never have to do what I have to do now.

Goodbye my darling.

Sheila

It was hours later that Zoey came into the living room. She hugged Peter and I and told us that we would always be her parents. That we were the most important people in her life.

She then told us she had phoned Dylan.

She wanted to see her Mother.

(I am so thankful to Zoey for allowing me to print the contents of her letter. When I read the letter myself, I wrote the series, 'I do this for You')

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zoey's words

May 31, 2015

Bill asked me once if I remembered how I felt after I read the letter Zara had written.

I asked him if he remembered how he felt after he got his first kiss.

I think he got the point.

I read the letter over and over and over and with each reading, more tears fell, until there were no more left to fall.

And with each time that I read the letter, I realized that Zara had honestly done what she did, with my best interest in mind.

I tried to imagine what I would be feeling if I were pregnant at 17. If I had lost my Mother at the same time.

Would I have done anything different?

I don't think so.

I also realized that Zara had written that letter before Mom and Dad had agreed to adopt me.

She honestly did not expect to see me again.

All the madness left me.

At least, my madness toward Zara. Now I was mad at me.

I had been a total fucking bitch.

I never even gave Zara a chance to talk to me and I realized, by her reaction, that she had no idea Mom and Dad had told me.

I had to see her.

I had to make things right.

I had to tell her that I loved her.