(originally posted March 9, 2013)

Travis

The winters in Newfoundland can be especially long and harsh, especially if you live along the coastline, as we did. I could look out my bedroom window and see the North Atlantic in all its glory.

During our Christmas break in 1977, we got hit by one of the worst winter storms ever. Even my Nanny Olive, couldn't remember one being much worst.

My Dad had built a small barn-like structure in our backyard for Bobbi and Travis. It was no more than a big shed and he kept some of his tools and other things in there, but mostly it was a shelter for my beloved ponies.

For those of you who are not familiar with Newfoundland ponies, let me tell you a little about them. They are much smaller than a normal horse and they are a special breed, much adored in Newfoundland. They may be small, but they were a hardy breed and much adapted to the ever changing climate of Newfoundland. They all but became extinct, but now, once again they are thriving due to the dedication of a group of people determined not to let these wonderful unique animals disappear.

When I was young they ran free all over our community. Most were wild but some, like my two, were kept as pets, because of their gentle nature.

It was December 23, 1977. Just a few days before Christmas. It was blowing and snowing so bad that you literally could not see a hand in front of your face. I went to the barn with Dad to check on Bobbi and Travis and to bring them both a treat. Every day, I gave them either an apple or a carrot, but this night, because it was such a terrible night, I decided to sneak them both a treat of an apple, a carrot and some sugar. While Dad gave them some hay I gave them their treats.

Dad used to keep a hundred watt light bulb burning all the time in the barn. Even though he had insulated the barn with some insulation and cardboard and pretty much anything else we could find, he said the light would offer them a little bit of extra heat.

When Dad finished, he went back into the house. He reminded me to be sure to latch the doors when I left. I assured him I would do so and he left me. I brushed my ponies, finished giving them their treats and kissed both of them goodnight.

The next morning when I awoke, there was no wind. I went to my window and looked out over the little cove that was visible from my window. My face lit up. There was no wind, no blowing snow and the sun was shining.

But the smile left my face as quickly as it had come. There at the top of the cliff to my right, I could see Bobbi. She was simply standing there, looking over the 100 foot drop.

I screamed and ran downstairs. Mom, Dad and Nanny Olive were having a cup of tea. I told them that Bobbi was on the cliff. My Dad ran to the back door. He could see the barn door was wide open and there were no ponies inside. Quickly he threw on his coat and boots and left. I ran upstairs to get dressed. When I was finished, I looked through my bedroom window. I could see Dad leading Bobbi back toward the house.

By the time I got my coat, boots, hat and mittens on, Dad was back at the barn.

I remember yelling, "Where is Travis?"

Dad had a tear in his eye. "Travis is gone sweetie."

I remember getting sick and I started crying. "Where is he?"

Dad picked me up and hugged me. "He must have got lost in the storm, sweetie. He fell over the cliff."

The next thing I remember was waking up. I must have fainted. Nanny Olive and Mom were sitting on my bed with me. Mom was wiping my face with a damp facecloth.

I was 10 years old and I felt like my world had come to an end.

Dad came in later and told me that the heavy wind must have blown the doors open to the barn. He said that Bobbi and Travis must have got scared and ran out of the barn. He figured they got lost in the storm and Travis had fallen over the cliff.

But I knew the difference. I had not properly latched the doors. In my hurry to get out of the storm and back to the house, I must not have pushed the latch all the way down.

I had caused the death of my beloved Travis.

I did not get out of bed for days. I just lay in bed crying, until I fell asleep.

I did not even go downstairs on Christmas morning.

Dad and several of the other men braved the cold waters and took a boat around the bottom of the cliff. They pulled Travis off the rocks and into the boat and somehow, they all managed to dig a hole, large enough, at the far back part of our land, to bury Travis. They had a small ceremony. I could not go. I stayed in my room with Nanny Olive and cried.

It wasn't until the morning of December 29th, before I came downstairs.

Everyone was happy. Now they could have Christmas. All the gifts were still under the tree and even Christmas dinner had been cancelled until I was ready.

The first thing I did was dress myself up and go to Travis' grave. Mom gave me some plastic roses that she had and I put them on the grave. I didn't cry. I had no tears left. I then went to the barn and gave Bobbi an apple and a couple carrots. I hugged her and told her I loved her and I would never let anything happen to her, ever.

As I left, I made sure I carefully latched the door.

I went back inside. We had our Christmas.

Zara Olive

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zara's words ...

May 30, 2015

It has been 37 years since that Christmas in 1977. As a young girl, the loss of my loving pet crushed my world. I never thought I would ever get over losing Travis.

To this day, I still blame myself for his death, although Dad did assure me that it was the wind that blew the latch open.

He even showed me how it could have happened.

He later put a second 'safety' latch on the doors.

Still, I have always blamed myself.

It's funny looking back now. I don't remember a single thing I got that year for Christmas.